Jobs you almost had

[Barney Sloane]

Yeah, it was Fistful of Fingers. It eventually played at the Prince Charles, which just added to my misery. And you're right - I watched it a few years ago and thought it had more likability and heart than anything else he's done.

[notjosh]

I interviewed for that Radio 4 comedy bursary scheme a couple of years ago. It would have meant writing credits on a tonne of Radio 4 shows then probably my own short-lived sitcom about a whimsical bakery or something, and by now I'd be on The Mash Report writing funny brexit analogies Fuck me, I'd still take it in a heartbeat though.

[BritishHobo]

I've mentioned this before, recently, but I once almost did three months writing blogs for a pet food website, with a view to being taken on permanently. That was during a period where I really wanted to be a journalist. The only thing that stopped me doing the job was that the pet food company just shut down for unknown reasons and stopped answering their phones or the door. The life I could be living if that door had been opened to me. The portfolio of published work I would have. I think about it a lot.

I was convinced I was going to get a job in my local library in my teens, which I would have absolutely loved. I wrote to the bloke in charge, and he replied saying there weren't any jobs going but he thought I sounded great and thought I would be a great fit. We wrote back and forth for months, and he was ever more eager to let me know if any opportunity arose. Eventually one did, so he wrote to me with the details and an application form. I filled it all out in feverish excitement, ran off my CV, went into the library in person to hand it all in, ran home to wait for an update. Never heard from the cunt again.

Starting to think there's a running theme here. I did an online test to become a professional maid (read: shit agency cleaning work) and passed with flying colours. Was sent my certificate and told they'd be in touch with the next step. No e-mail came. Sent the bloke an e-mail chasing the next step. Back he comes, 'there was a mistake on the website, you didn't actually pass - can you take it again?' Can I bollocks, pal. Pet food blog writer position lined up.

[Ray Travez]

Went for a job as a bin man in the early Nineties. The first round of interviews went well, and they invited me to the next. That went well too, and I started to visualise myself on the truck, throwing the bin bags into the lorry, an actual bin man! Then the trail went cold.

I found out that they'd had over 2000 applicants, for six jobs. It was such an unprecedented level of applications that a tv documentary had been made about it. I didn't know about this- nobody approached me or asked to film me. I phoned up the council refuse recruitment department to find out what had happened to my application. Apparently I'd made the shortlist of the last twelve, and they'd been unable to decide so just picked six names out of a presumably filthy hat.

the kicker is, the woman on the phone said that due to changes in the way refuse was dealt with, those six jobs would no longer exist in a further three months. All that time and effort over next-to-nothing, and I never did get to be a bin man.

just imagining the life you could've had. Do you think it would've been better?

no

[Ray Travez]

Feel like I should add that when he rolled the dead person out he took the cover off the face, looked at me, and then said: "What do you think of that then?" Almost as if he was showing me his penis.

"Is that stiff or what!?"

[Bazooka]

Prince Phillips human shoe horn, damn that traffic jam to hell!

[SteveDave]

Went for a job as a bin man in the early Nineties.

I always wanted to be a binman for some reason. Until last year when I realised that there's no good time of the year for a binman. In the baking heat, pissing rain or belting snow it's not going to be fun.

[Icehaven]

I found out that they'd had over 2000 applicants, for six jobs. It was such an unprecedented level of applications that a tv documentary had been made about it. I didn't know about this- nobody approached me or asked to film me. I phoned up the council refuse recruitment department to find out what had happened to my application. Apparently I'd made the shortlist of the last twelve, and they'd been unable to decide so just picked six names out of a presumably filthy hat.

When was this? I ask as I work for a local council too and our recruitment process is so heavily regulated and scrutinised for any hint of unfairness, bias, prejudice, favouritism or things not being done properly etc. that the application doesn't even ask for a date of birth to avoid ageism during selection. I'm amazed the person you spoke to dared to admit to an unsuccessful applicant they'd simply picked 6 random names, you should have complained and demanded to see all the paperwork and notes etc. on the whole process as they should be able to justify every decision. Then they'd have had to do the whole thing again (although admittedly it potentially wouldn't have been the best start to your working relationship with your employer...)

[Ray Travez]

Yeah, it must have been my Mum who told me they picked the names out of a hat. She was pretty high up in the council at that that time, so I guess she would have known these things. Strikes me now, she could have pulled a couple of strings for me. Almost like she didnt want a binman son.

[Bazooka]

Yeah, it must have been my Mum who told me they picked the names out of a hat. She was pretty high up in the council at that that time, so I guess she would have known these things. Strikes me now, she could have pulled a couple of strings for me. Almost like she didnt want a binman son.

Would make a great film.