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Fastest Way to lose 1 stone (does not have to be medically sound)

Started by paruses, March 19, 2019, 11:44:03 AM

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paruses

So what tales can you share of rapid weight loss. No need to promote lifestyle change and all that as that can come next. I need the kickstart.

Only rules - no surgery, no running (left foot is fucked but can walk).

I want to be able to be photographed holding out the waistband of a pair of trousers to demonstrate the difference within one month.

Utter Shit


kittens

well have i got the diet for you. 1 bowl of mushroom soup a day, with some cubed mild cheddar melting in it. DO NOT EAT ANYTHING ELSE. if you eat anything else you will remain fat.

wooders1978

Let some raw chicken get slightly off in the fridge then wolf it down and let nature take it's cause - careful you don't die though



Barry Admin

You've got totally the wrong attitude I'm afraid. The lifestyle change should come first, you're going to end up starvation dieting and rebounding, or something like that.

But cut the booze out for starters, if you drink. Huge amount of calories to save there. Track your calories each day and try and stick to 1200-1500 or so for a month. It's all about diet, but do some exercise too. Eat lots of veg - as much as you want - and DO NOT starve yourself.



Cuntbeaks

Speed, buy it on the Dark Web.

The psychosis will be a bit fruity, but you wil be thinner.

Wet Blanket

I dropped 10 lbs doing a simultaneous dry/vegan January. It's now the middle of March and I've more or less put it all back on, but living like that was fucking miserable, lemme tell ya

Barry Admin

If you want more to do while you walk, and want motivation to do so, I highly recommend Pokémon Go and Ingress. I'm bored of the former now, but still play it every day to keep my streaks up, and I've walked just over 3700km playing it since last April.

Chollis

When's this new miracle weight-loss pill* Lorcaserin available in the UK then, lot of hype around it last year. Appetite suppressant seems like a bully idea, I'm not abstaining from chips, cheese, chocs and chops with willpower alone am I?


* https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-45319393

ToneLa

Quote from: Cuntbeaks on March 19, 2019, 11:53:32 AM
Speed, buy it on the Dark Web.

The psychosis will be a bit fruity, but you wil be thinner.

Small bumps of ket also works as the tolerance makes the trippy aspect vanish quite rapidly but the appetite suppressant factor is genuinely strong each time

Lacks the Get up and Go factor of William, but you get to be be confused a lot too. A massive win in my book

studpuppet

Get dumped by the love of your life - happened when I was eighteen and I lost a stone in a week.

Dex Sawash


bgmnts

Fucksake at the people suggesting ketamine and amphetamine, how irresponsible is that?

I'd suggest taking up smoking.

From experience:

Flu.

Gastroenteritis.

Having your soon-to-be-ex-partner refusing to pay their half of the bills and your overdraft completely maxed out so you have no money left for food beyond Aldi packet noodles which you'll ration out over the course of the week. Maybe someone will bring cakes in at work so you'll get to save a chunk of noodles for tomorrow!

Best of luck!

paruses

All excellent suggestions. Am knocking one point off Barry because although he is 100% right I want the kick start - I have a surprising amount of willpower but no patience.

Can I do amphetamines and a sedentary office job? Never been a drug person so need the advice.

Cutting out sugar as of now (once I've eaten the 5 bananas I bought yesterday)

paruses

How do I pick up these illnesses? Was really envious of my ex-brother-in-law a few years back when he picked up something on holiday and lost a shit load of weight. The stress of nearly dying too probably burned even more calories for him with no extra effort, lucky bastard.

ToneLa

Quote from: bgmnts on March 19, 2019, 12:12:16 PM
Fucksake at the people suggesting ketamine and amphetamine, how irresponsible is that?

I'd suggest taking up smoking.

All the people? Calm down Albarn, I've got the market cornered on K recommendation so far (the cider also works but is arguably far worse for your health and mindset)

It's well known anyway that smoking gives you the munchies!

I recommend being too skint to eat though. Try worrying aboot something too. Magic


Shit Good Nose

Quote from: bgmnts on March 19, 2019, 12:17:51 PM
I was trying to do a joke. :(

I got it - moral shaming and then offering up smoking as an alternative, which is another terrible thing, etc...


Quote from: Huxleys Babkins on March 19, 2019, 12:13:23 PM
Flu.

Gastroenteritis.

I second those - if you get them full-on and properly (i.e. bed bound for a minimum of two to three weeks - "man flu" or a bad cold are NOT proper flu) you'll shift a stone or more in about two weeks.

BUT...

that weight goes back on pretty fucking quickly afterwards, mainly because a big chunk of that weight loss is from dehydration.

ToneLa

Quote from: bgmnts on March 19, 2019, 12:17:51 PM
I was trying to do a joke. :(

Fair dos. It is indeed funny to suggest nicotene when you could be fuming away salvia at every smoke break at work.

Stagger back into the office back from a plasticine reality. Sit at yir desk, shaking, the fear gripping you, though mainly because you had to come back and you sell insurance over the blower.

Tell you what, you'd no be snacking much. Club biscuits nowhere near the top of yir list ay concerns

holyzombiejesus

Stop drinking beer, stop eating bread and buy (and use) a bike. Walk more when you can't cycle. See if you have a friend who would like to play squash with you.

Remember when David Mitchell lost all that weight and people were asking if he was ill? All he'd done was walk for an hour each day.

Fine for me to say, I'm a right fat bastard at the moment. Co-op do these really nice 'american deli' cheese sandwiches and I'm constantly hungry.

greenman

Its not really weightloss your talking about is it but rather fat loss, in that respect I find that actually muscle gain can be more effective quickly than prolonged aerobic exercise looking to burn calories. The latter is IMHO best suited to some kind of lifestyle shift such as say moving to cycling/walking to work or taking up some activity you enjoy as it takes a lot longer, muscle gain can take place with a lot less work early on and burns calories constantly just to maintain it.

1. Give up beer/coke.

2. Do pullups/squats.

mrpupkin

I also have a fucked foot so I go swimming instead of running. Pretty good exercise I think. Why don't you swim your arse off?

momatt

I lost two stone in a month after a particularly horrible break-up.
Just went off food entirely.  It's nature's way of making you all sexy and slim for the next victim/sucka/girlfriend.

Highly recommended.  Three thumbs up.

Quote from: paruses on March 19, 2019, 12:15:38 PM
How do I pick up these illnesses? Was really envious of my ex-brother-in-law a few years back when he picked up something on holiday and lost a shit load of weight. The stress of nearly dying too probably burned even more calories for him with no extra effort, lucky bastard.

Just be really unhygienic for a while. Don't wash your hands after using the gents, maybe try rimming, etc.

As SGN says, you have to get properly sick off it and the weight does come back quite quickly.

paruses

Quote from: holyzombiejesus on March 19, 2019, 12:23:10 PM
Stop drinking beer, stop eating bread and buy (and use) a bike. Walk more when you can't cycle. See if you have a friend who would like to play squash with you.

Remember when David Mitchell lost all that weight and people were asking if he was ill? All he'd done was walk for an hour each day.

Fine for me to say, I'm a right fat bastard at the moment. Co-op do these really nice 'american deli' cheese sandwiches and I'm constantly hungry.

Bike or walking? I found when I cycled I seemed to do less exercise - the part of Dublin I get around is quite flat - but happy to walk. No beer goes in but I reckon bread can go.

Keep going, people.