Fastest Way to lose 1 stone (does not have to be medically sound)

[paruses]

Just be really unhygienic for a while. Don't wash your hands after using the gents, maybe try rimming, etc.

As SGN says, you have to get properly sick off it and the weight does come back quite quickly.

Yes - the dehydration thing seems a bit of a con. Don't wash my hands anyway - I'm not like a doctor or anything. Will look into rimming though.

[Kelvin]

I've lost a stone and a half since new year (I was 13.5 stone, for context) without doing any exercise, at all*. I've just overhauled my diet, so that I don't eat any snacks, and my breakfast and meals are filling, but not unhealthy. I've cut out all crisps, fizzy drinks, and treats, but kept my three main meals enjoyable. I've just been more restrained about what I eat, rather than doing some joyless diet I don't enjoy and can't maintain.

Obviously the more you cut out, the more you'll lose, but it will also make you more hungry and more likely to cheat. If 2 months is too long, though, you really are going to need to exercise too.

*although I do intend to start once the weather is warmer.

[biggytitbo]

I could tell you the fastest way to lose 2 stone, but no idea about 1 stone sorry.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Have you thought about squeezing a particularly large spot?

[Darles Chickens]

You could try giving birth.  It's pretty much an instant way to lose weight.

Serious answer.  I do a low-carb diet for about a month every time I want to lose some of the excess.  First time I did it, I dropped over a stone within a couple of weeks, but you have to be strict: no sugar, no pasta, no rice, no potatoes, no alcohol.  Just meat, fish, eggs, cheese, green vegetables, and very little fruit (strawberries are OK, just to put the sugar cravings at bay).  And lots and lots of water.  It really does work, but is far more difficult than it sounds.  Once ketosis begins (metabolisation of body fat), you'll feel weird and achy at first, but the weight will begin to drop off - both water weight, and excess fat.

Then you pile it all on again gradually once you stop.

[Chollis]

I've lost a stone and a half since new year (I was 13.5 stone, for context) without doing any exercise, at all*. I've just overhauled my diet, so that I don't eat any snacks, and my breakfast and meals are filling, but not unhealthy. I've cut out all crisps, fizzy drinks, and treats, but kept my three main meals enjoyable. I've just been more restrained about what I eat, rather than doing some joyless diet I don't enjoy and can't maintain.

Obviously the more you cut out, the more you'll lose, but it will also make you more hungry and more likely to cheat. If 2 months is too long, though, you really are going to need to exercise too.

*although I do intend to start once the weather is warmer.

Booze?

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

Medically unsound answer:

By some T3 and some Clenbuterol and take them at the same time whilst restricting your calorie intake to 1000 below your daily minimum.


If you want to know what the above 2 drugs are, they're what bodybuilders use before competitions to cut their weight (amongst other things).

[Danger Man]

Only fruit and water for 6/7 days and you should be a stone lighter.

[Barry Admin]

I'm sure I remember some unconventional advice regarding weight loss strategies that was given on CaB some time previously. "Wank the fat out", I think it was. Try that, wank a stone of fat out.

[MojoJojo]

I lost two stone in a month after a particularly horrible break-up.
Just went off food entirely.  It's nature's way of making you all sexy and slim for the next victim/sucka/girlfriend.

Highly recommended.  Three thumbs up.

Just to echo this - after my wife said she wanted to separate in the middle of February I lost 3kg in as many weeks.

(she's changed her mind btw)

[Endicott]

Amoebic dysentery. Eat some shit basically.

I don't want to piss all over this idea, but it does need to be someone else's shit, not your own.

[Blue Jam]

Serious answer.  I do a low-carb diet for about a month every time I want to lose some of the excess.  First time I did it, I dropped over a stone within a couple of weeks, but you have to be strict: no sugar, no pasta, no rice, no potatoes, no alcohol.  Just meat, fish, eggs, cheese, green vegetables, and very little fruit (strawberries are OK, just to put the sugar cravings at bay).  And lots and lots of water.  It really does work, but is far more difficult than it sounds.  Once ketosis begins (metabolisation of body fat), you'll feel weird and achy at first, but the weight will begin to drop off - both water weight, and excess fat.

I also do a low carb diet periodically, and I'm trying it again now. I find it always gets me cooking from scratch more often, getting more creative and trying new recipes, and eating more veg, and more varied veg. The best thing for me though is the way being in ketosis just stops the blood sugar crashes and stops you feeling hungry- I usually feel hungry all the fucking time and it's annoying and it makes me a bit miserable, for me low carb is especially good for keeping me going at work.

You have to drink loads of water too of course- I forget why, but it doesn't work unless you seriously up your water intake. Also you can drink dry wine and spirits, but you won't burn fat while there is alcohol in your bloodstream, because alcohol is easier to burn than fat so the body burns the alcohol up first. It's probably best to be really strict and abstain but I'm just trying to avoid beer and drink less wine.

I find those ketone test strips really handy too, because they give you a rough idea of how many grams of carbohydrate you can get away with while still remaining in ketosis. The 20g suggested for the first step of the Atkin's diet is just an arbitrary low number, chosen because pretty much anyone eating that little carbohydrate will see an effect. I've found that I can do little things like have a flour tortilla wrap (15g of carbohydrate) rather than a sandwich with two slices of bread and still be alright. And I'll be less likely to go mad from craving the odd bit of bread.

[biggytitbo]

I lost 5 pounds on Sunday with a combination of a big poo and lots of wee wees. Do that for a few days and nobody will be any the wiser.

[mrpupkin]

Have you swam yet? I haven't got all day

[ToneLa]

Cut a leg off. They're quite heavy!

[Buelligan]

I'm sure I remember some unconventional advice regarding weight loss strategies that was given on CaB some time previously. "Wank the fat out", I think it was. Try that, wank a stone of fat out.

Ah yes, the Tom Watson Diet. 

If anyone's going to take this up, can I ask you, please, not to wipe it on the curtains.  The supports are simply not up to it.

[Cloud]

Consume fewer calories than you expend, drink plenty of water and try to prioritise lean protein and fresh veg and fruit.  If it's your first time on weight loss for a while you lose like 7lbs on the first week anyway, so no need for any crazy fad diets

Yes you can drink beer as long as you know there are lots of calories in it and moderate/compensate accordingly.  For me this meant some long walks.

Source: lost 75lbs over the course of about a year, kept them off for 5 years and counting

If you do anything long term, for the love of god do weight training so that you keep some lean mass (muscle).  Even pushups every other day should suffice.  I didn't, and ended up looking like a mole rat at the end of it for quite a while.

[bgmnts]

Drop it in a lake.

[paruses]

I'm sure I remember some unconventional advice regarding weight loss strategies that was given on CaB some time previously. "Wank the fat out", I think it was. Try that, wank a stone of fat out.

It's going to be this plus either just the fruit and water suggestion OR the no carbs suggestion.

Have you swam yet? I haven't got all day

This and body weight exercises will take care of becoming like a men's health cover model. I forgot how good swimming is

[poo]

Eat with your arse and shit through your mouth.

[Paul Calf]

I didn't like low carb diets - when you have a list of banned things, you tend to crave them. Or I did. You might be less shit than me.

I've lost 1st 10lbs since mid-February and I've done it by eating less than 1400 calories a day and walking about 6 miles. The good thing about calorie restriction is that nothing is banned - you just have to budget for it.

[bgmnts]

Until you hit your calorie limit and literally all food is banned.

[thenoise]

I'm going to have surgery to remove a large gallstone from my gallbladder in the summer, caused by my shit diet and poor genetics. That's got to be a quite easy way to lose one stone!! Cos it's a stone being removed you see oh fuck off then.

[Darles Chickens]

I didn't like low carb diets - when you have a list of banned things, you tend to crave them. Or I did. You might be less shit than me.

Before I tried it for the first time, I flippantly thought: "What's not to like?"  Lots of meat, fish, cheese - great!  It's only when you remove starchy food from your diet that you appreciate how great it is.  Steak without chips, chicken without roast spuds, hamburger without bread, curry without rice or naan, it's all unexciting without that contrast.  And, yes, you end up craving what you can't have.  The first week was the most difficult - there were moments when I was paralysed by thoughts of nothing but all the things I wanted to eat.  It gets easier though, and you see the results very quickly, which makes it worthwhile and keeps the impetus going.

I've lost 1st 10lbs since mid-February and I've done it by eating less than 1400 calories a day and walking about 6 miles. The good thing about calorie restriction is that nothing is banned - you just have to budget for it.

To be honest, this is a better plan: a balanced diet and sufficient exercise will always be better than making your body kick into emergency survival mode. 

[Cerys]

Eat only celery, tuna and ice.

[Kelvin]

Booze?

I cut out booze as well. Made a couple of exceptions, which in isolation didn't make much difference. 

[Emotional Support Peacock]

I gave up booze for a month and lost nearly a stone, and I wasn't even fat.

Going to do a more half arsed version of it for the next month and see what happens.

[wosl]

Alienate it at a recording session, ply it with drink and encourage it to take a dip.  Nah, as Darles and others suggest/endorse: forget quick fixes (unless you're a boxer); aim to do it more gradually; it'll stay off longer (and the bass player another stone will likely follow it eventually, if you've got it to lose). 

[machotrouts]

Remember the five-step "IM FAT" program

IDENTIFY worst limb
MAKE it come off

FUUUUCK
ARRRGH
TONE remaining body

[Paul Calf]

Until you hit your calorie limit and literally all food is banned.

Yeah, that's how all weight loss diets work.