Author Topic: Internet Dating [split topic]  (Read 5870 times)

Internet Dating [split topic]
« on: March 20, 2019, 08:35:01 PM »
Apologies for resurrecting this thread, but it didn't seem worth creating a new one.
I downloaded Bumble last night in the spirit of trying things I normally wouldn't. God, it's such a weird thing, almost exactly like the Would You? Brass Eye sketch, except that Chris Morris didn't predict that the women would be pouting in virtually all the photos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBclkgUA88g
It made me feel pretty anxious to be honest, finding pictures was a real chore as I've pretty successfully managed to avoid cameras over the last 18 years (except when drunk) and I completely dried up when it came to writing a pithy bio, but I suppose that this is how these thing are done nowadays?
Anyway, I've put it on snooze mode for now until (or if) I can get used to the idea of using it in earnest. If I'm honest, I'd rather not, but meeting someone more organically isn't really an option for me right now.


billyandthecloneasaurus

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2019, 09:53:05 PM »
Yeah I still dabble with the apps to mixed success.  Can definitely relate to a lot of that.  I have barely any organic ACTION SHOT photos to choose from as I socialise with dorky blokes who don't take photos during social events & (I would like to think) I'm massively unphotogenic and look better IRL.

Me and my friend (who I used to be involved with) were bemoaning our shit photos and shitness of tinder generally, and actually spent 20 mins in spoons doing really bad obviously staged photos of each other , and one of them is still easily the best one I've ever had on there.  I obviously suggested bypassing it by just shagging each other again for a bit but she politely declined.

Plus I'm sure I must have wasted about 5 hours of my life staring at my bio, writing something, cringing, deleting and repeating. 

I've got very mixed feelings about the whole thing, and I've never come close to meeting someone where there was potential for anything serious, but I decided a couple of years ago to just quickly organise dates with anyone I vaguely fancied and got on with, and at the very least I've gained a lot of experience and confidence from the various bizarre dates i've been on.

The Jordan Peterson fan I travelled to London to meet and the girl who literally oinked at two police officers are dates I have no desire to repeat, but even those were learning experiences.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2019, 09:57:43 PM »
I'm half cut now, so updating the bio wasn't a problem.
Would you recommend Tinder over Bumble? I quite liked the idea that women had to start the conversation, but now I've (briefly) experienced it, it doesn't seem like it makes all that much difference, except for trying to think of an ice-breaker.

billyandthecloneasaurus

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2019, 10:03:27 PM »
I'm half cut now, so updating the bio wasn't a problem.
Would you recommend Tinder over Bumble? I quite liked the idea that women had to start the conversation, but now I've (briefly) experienced it, it doesn't seem like it makes all that much difference, except for trying to think of an ice-breaker.

It massively depends on where you are, I think.  My mate in Manchester much prefers bumble as he's quite frequently matching with hip 20-something arty types, whereas tinder seems to just give him full time mummies/hairdressers in St Helens etc (he's also quick to point out he doesn't mean it in a snobby way, more that he's awkward and shit enough at conversation with people from a similar background that he really doesn't fancy his chances with the latter).

Whereas I live in a pretty small provincial town, and basically there's just not enough people around on Bumble to get more than a match every month or two.  I do well on tinder with the dregs of the coolish uni girls 20-30 miles away who have their radius settings that high, plus the very occasional cool single 20-something girl around here that hasn't been snapped up by someone fitter than me.

But really you might as well just get both. 

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2019, 10:11:41 PM »
I think you're probably right, though in London Bumble seems to be endless.
Thanks billyandthecloneasaurus!

billyandthecloneasaurus

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2019, 10:14:46 PM »
I think you're probably right, though in London Bumble seems to be endless.
Thanks billyandthecloneasaurus!

No problem!  How old are you, etc?  Might be able to offer more advice from my own experiences but not sure how relevant it would be.  Feel free to PM as well.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2019, 10:25:04 PM »
I'm 36 (and 3/4)
My anxiety comes mainly from only ever having had relationships that have developed in real life. I know how that works, and you and the object of your affections know each other and have that as a basis to build on. In all honesty, despite having lurked on this site for over a decade I can barely bring myself to post here most of the time, so you can probably imagine how I feel about these dating apps.

machotrouts

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2019, 04:33:29 AM »
The Jordan Peterson fan I travelled to London to meet and the girl who literally oinked at two police officers

Petition to rebrand political spectrum


Wet Blanket

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2019, 09:18:33 AM »
I'm 36 (and 3/4)
My anxiety comes mainly from only ever having had relationships that have developed in real life. I know how that works, and you and the object of your affections know each other and have that as a basis to build on. In all honesty, despite having lurked on this site for over a decade I can barely bring myself to post here most of the time, so you can probably imagine how I feel about these dating apps.

Just wait until you get a match and then have 24 hours to watch that little countdown timer dwindle, before the match disappears forever, which was generally my experience of Bumble

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2019, 09:31:40 AM »
I long for these old days.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2019, 09:59:04 AM »
Just wait until you get a match and then have 24 hours to watch that little countdown timer dwindle, before the match disappears forever, which was generally my experience of Bumble

Had a few of these. The photographer whose bio made me laugh hasn't messaged me sadly, but I've had three "Hellos" from accounts that I choose to believe are not Russian sex bots.


Actually, now I've written that down I would like nothing more than to meet a Russian sex bot.

Clownbaby

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #11 on: March 22, 2019, 11:21:32 AM »
Aw man I can't be arsed with online dating. I'm a 22 year old woman and i already feel so jaded with the very obvious and shit tactics that are repeated and repeated on every platform.

You know what annoys me about any online dating platform? The sneaky twats who only put up a picture of themself with a massive group of people and I KNOW they do it deliberately so you can't tell what they look like. Fucking dirty trick and it's just off putting and secretive and surely it can't end well even if someone does get cracking with you and you arrange to meet up.

The amount of people I see who've posted a busy pic of themself somewhere amongst their 12 mates who are also in the picture. No "I'm the one in the blue t shirt" even. That's because you just know it's probably the least photogenic person in the picture. I'm not photogenic. I look wrong in photos and I always think "see though I look better in motion" but you've just got to try to take a decent photo of yourself that is clearly you. There's no point in relying on someone on the other end agreeing to meet with you because they stupidly hope that you'll be the one they like the look of in the photo because if you're not the one they thought and they're using TINDER, WHICH IS VERY MUCH BASED ON LOOKS ALONE AND PHYSICAL ATTRACTION, it's going to be awkward.

I've tried asking "which one are you" many times and guess what, no reply. And I understand it can be good to show yourself being social and looking like fun but to be honest a lot of the mate tend to look like dickheads cause it's just a sweaty drunk nightclub photo

Z

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #12 on: March 22, 2019, 12:57:19 PM »
Bumble just doesn't work for me, hardly anyone starts a conversation and when they do it's typically a much weaker starter than I'd come up with. Have started just outright telling people to take more photos of me, there's been a definite upswing in how I've done on these things since I got a few photos where I look somewhat interesting.

Have had something resembling luck with dating over the past few months, in that I've met a few I wanted to see beyond the first date. Broaching 30 without anything resembling a long lasting relationship, I'm fairly skeptical about my chances of developing anything.
Buuuut, like 80% of my new friends in the past few years have come from Tinder and OkCupid, which means a weird gender disparity but... much better than no friends.

icehaven

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #13 on: March 22, 2019, 01:20:31 PM »
Aw man I can't be arsed with online dating. I'm a 22 year old woman...

Not long ago I would have asked what the heck a 22 year old woman needed to do online dating for, but I've been schooled since that it's just how it is now. A while back I was surprised to learn a then 27 year old friend of mine had met his girlfriend of a few years on Tinder and asked him, as they're both hardly shabby in the looks department, what on earth they were both doing on there, and he just shrugged and said 'Everyone is, it's just what you do now.' When I was in my mid-20s I'd have sooner died than put pictures of myself on a dating website, so (without meaning this to be patronising or anything) I feel a bit sorry for generations that almost feel as though they have to.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #14 on: March 22, 2019, 01:42:24 PM »
I'm in a relationship now but was on all of these for a while. i remember one match getting a bit frisky early doors, adding me on whatsapp and sending me some videos of her being...intimate...by herself. she wanted to meet up in a hotel but i decided this was probably some kind of set up where i arrive and am followed in by some big blokes who take my cards and beat me until i tell them my PIN. I'm surprised this sort of thing doesn't happen more often.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #15 on: March 22, 2019, 02:26:14 PM »
Not long ago I would have asked what the heck a 22 year old woman needed to do online dating for, but I've been schooled since that it's just how it is now. A while back I was surprised to learn a then 27 year old friend of mine had met his girlfriend of a few years on Tinder and asked him, as they're both hardly shabby in the looks department, what on earth they were both doing on there, and he just shrugged and said 'Everyone is, it's just what you do now.' When I was in my mid-20s I'd have sooner died than put pictures of myself on a dating website, so (without meaning this to be patronising or anything) I feel a bit sorry for generations that almost feel as though they have to.

I've only ever met former partners by more conventional means before and, just like you, the idea of online dating was anathema to me.
If I'm honest, as well as wanting some companionship, I'm doing it precisely because I wouldn't normally. I'm worried that I've become very stuck in my ways and am missing out on experiences simply because of my bloody-mindedness and unwillingness to try new things.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #16 on: March 22, 2019, 02:47:34 PM »
Broaching 30 without anything resembling a long lasting relationship, I'm fairly skeptical about my chances of developing anything. Buuuut, like 80% of my new friends in the past few years have come from Tinder and OkCupid, which means a weird gender disparity but... much better than no friends.

I wouldn't worry about that too much, before I met Mrs SMBH when I was 39 the longest relationship I'd had was about 7 months, whereas we've been together for five years now and she's yet to murder me.

Better Midlands

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #17 on: March 22, 2019, 03:00:07 PM »
Would recommend running your photos through https://www.photofeeler.com first to find your best, you'd be surprised how other people rate them. Worth doing for any situation where you have to put your photo online TBH.

zomgmouse

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #18 on: March 22, 2019, 04:24:13 PM »
I'm 36 (and 3/4)
My anxiety comes mainly from only ever having had relationships that have developed in real life. I know how that works, and you and the object of your affections know each other and have that as a basis to build on. In all honesty, despite having lurked on this site for over a decade I can barely bring myself to post here most of the time, so you can probably imagine how I feel about these dating apps.

If it helps I'm kind of the opposite. I'm much more anxious about relationships developing from real life because these are then people you may well interact with in some respect and I dread that awkwardness. However on apps there's so little pressure because these are literally strangers you'll most likely never see or talk to again. Of course that sometimes means you/others aren't as invested but that's not a given.

Also if it helps, think of it as just a transposed way of meeting people. Like in a bar or at a party or something except it's on an app. You still have to strike up conversations and see if there's any connection and then try to meet up and then go from there.

I started up on these apps about a year ago now and was so fucking nervous at the beginning so I fully understand your utter trepidation but it's gotten so much easier with time and experience.

Good luck!

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #19 on: March 22, 2019, 06:42:57 PM »
Mousester, how many people have you asked permission if you can wank over their image in your mind mate?

Or have you done any sneaky mind wanks without asking?!


Please understand I'm only asking in jest you're a sound guy now in my eyes.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #20 on: March 22, 2019, 07:33:03 PM »
Apologies for resurrecting this thread, but it didn't seem worth creating a new one.
I downloaded Bumble last night in the spirit of trying things I normally wouldn't. God, it's such a weird thing, almost exactly like the Would You? Brass Eye sketch, except that Chris Morris didn't predict that the women would be pouting in virtually all the photos.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBclkgUA88g
It made me feel pretty anxious to be honest, finding pictures was a real chore as I've pretty successfully managed to avoid cameras over the last 18 years (except when drunk) and I completely dried up when it came to writing a pithy bio, but I suppose that this is how these thing are done nowadays?
Anyway, I've put it on snooze mode for now until (or if) I can get used to the idea of using it in earnest. If I'm honest, I'd rather not, but meeting someone more organically isn't really an option for me right now.

I swiped right😘

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #21 on: March 22, 2019, 08:11:24 PM »

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #22 on: March 22, 2019, 11:03:38 PM »
HEY LADIES, FANCY WATCHING THREADS WITH ME?

That hasn't worked so far, but it's only a matter of time.

zomgmouse

  • I have party diarrhoea.
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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #23 on: March 22, 2019, 11:19:12 PM »
Mousester, how many people have you asked permission if you can wank over their image in your mind mate?

Or have you done any sneaky mind wanks without asking?!


Please understand I'm only asking in jest you're a sound guy now in my eyes.

I mean my point was kind of that it was okay if you're already engaged in some kind of relationship with that person because there's a mutual consent to see each other in that way. But sure let's go down the "zomgmouse is a puritan who forbids masturbation" route again. Also probably best not to derail this thread with wank talk.

billyandthecloneasaurus

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #24 on: March 23, 2019, 12:28:55 AM »
Petition to rebrand political spectrum



incredible.  +100000000 karma

billyandthecloneasaurus

  • LIVING ROOMS, bedrooms, dinettes, OH yeah!
Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #25 on: March 23, 2019, 12:34:44 AM »

Ahh, can relate to this a lot.  Obviously the people with only group photos are the grossest person in the group, but I used to just swipe right and hope for the best.

Which apps you using Clownbaby?

kittens

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #26 on: March 23, 2019, 12:39:04 AM »


Which apps you using Clownbaby?

omg just ask her out already

machotrouts

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #27 on: March 23, 2019, 12:43:31 AM »
I don't have the energy to get annoyed at Tinder profiles that only consist of a single group picture – just swipe left and move on, never looking back and thinking of what you could have had with Crowd Member #7 – but I do resent profiles where there are several group pictures, and I end up wasting time trying to work out the one person they all have in common by a process of elimination. It's like horny sudoku

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #28 on: March 23, 2019, 12:45:54 AM »
Just ask them. Or, better, offer to guess.

imitationleather

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #29 on: March 23, 2019, 12:47:30 AM »
Just ask them. Or, better, offer to guess.

I have done this in the past and they actually replied with "I am the good looking one." Meaning I had to say some bullshit like "Oh, but they are all good looking!" to try and get a straight answer, which I don't think I even ever got before giving up. Grrr... Still angry about it now! About a decade later!