Author Topic: Internet Dating [split topic]  (Read 10217 times)

zomgmouse

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #210 on: March 29, 2019, 12:45:54 PM »
I get a fair amount of first dates anyway.  Second dates, not so much.

This seems to be fairly common across the board tbh.

Pdine

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #211 on: March 29, 2019, 01:20:22 PM »
This seems to be fairly common across the board tbh.

I only get second dates, which is really puzzling.

momatt

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #212 on: March 29, 2019, 01:59:10 PM »
I've actually got a situation when I've been on a few dates with someone who's lovely, but isn't the one.
Which is weird as I'm not that fussy.

Not sure what to do.
Might just hide for a bit.

icehaven

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #213 on: March 29, 2019, 06:49:53 PM »
GOD YOUR BORING

You dodged a bullet there.

billyandthecloneasaurus

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #214 on: March 29, 2019, 07:00:23 PM »
i had a really frustrating run of first dates about 2 years ago when I'd just started doing the tinder date thing,  where we'd meet up, have what felt like a really fun time, mutual sparks etc, i'd get a proper snoggy tonguey mwah mwah kiss, messages confirming how nice it would be to go on a second date, then radio silence a couple of days later

4 in a row were pretty much exactly like that.  i did get paranoid wondering what specifically about me would make a girl like me then sleep on it and go "actually, fuck, no", especially considering there wasn't really booze involved.  to calm my paranoia i just told myself that they got carried along by my charm and shit and i eked more out of the dates than could have been expected, and in the cold light of die they sorta realised "oh actually we have fuck all in common and he's a bit weird looking". 

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #215 on: March 29, 2019, 07:04:48 PM »
in the cold light of die

Starring Steven Segal

shiftwork2

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #216 on: March 29, 2019, 07:07:46 PM »
I've seen a lot of its all about the banter if you don't have bants then don't even get in touch. Usually I just message Hi Cunt and they don't reply

Biggest CaB laugh of the week, thanks.

Perplexicon

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #217 on: April 02, 2019, 01:05:12 PM »
I hope they go well Perplexicon.
You're miles ahead of me, I'm trying (and seemingly failing) to have my first chat with a match, though the fact I've spent all evening listening to Scott Walker's more challenging recent releases hasn't exactly put me in a flirty frame of mind.

Alas, Alias, they did not go well. The one I was looking forward to cancelled, and the other that I felt had a 50/50 chance of going amazingly well (which I was hoping!) or be a complete misfire turned out to be the latter. Whatever was clicking over text instantly dried up as we both realised at the same time that we were very different personality types. Objectively not a 'bad' date as we chatted quite a bit and weren't short of conversation, but I came away from it with a terrible mixture of disappointment and feeling that I'd just made a real fool of myself to a nice stranger... and got a polite yet very pointed 'no thanks mate' message the next day to confirm that. Woof. Obviously a bit of karma for the initial run of good luck I had with this online malarky.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #218 on: April 02, 2019, 01:31:50 PM »
About 1/3 of my dates cancel, so I reckon that's pretty much par for the course. And there's a very definite, unsurprising correlation between time and probability of a cancel. So however strong the connection appears to be, when it seems the right time to suggest a date I'll try to make that as reasonably soon as possible.

I've only really been in the apps about once in the last month and it's noticable how much likes/matches have tumbled purely from not being logged on and swiping. It really is a visibility game and a bit of a part time job to make it work for your average person. Unless you buy boosts

grassbath

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #219 on: April 02, 2019, 11:09:53 PM »
When the little gold button on Tinder tells me I have +25 likes, but I don't seem to be matching with anyone, it makes me very suspicious that it's not true, and they're trying to give me a reason to stay and keep swiping.

Z

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #220 on: April 02, 2019, 11:41:13 PM »
When the little gold button on Tinder tells me I have +25 likes, but I don't seem to be matching with anyone, it makes me very suspicious that it's not true, and they're trying to give me a reason to stay and keep swiping.
They've stopped removing people you already swiped left on, the most recent person to swipe right on you is the pixelated image and in the past that used to change once you swiped left and reset the app. Now they stay there for ages, I think it's 30 days.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #221 on: April 03, 2019, 01:00:03 AM »
Yeah this is right. I paid up for a months subscription after 6 months of using it. The 25+ was about 90 but half of them I'd already swiped left on. I think they also show users who have since deactivated. Still it did unlock a lot of matches that just weren't showing in my deck so it's worth considering

zomgmouse

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #222 on: April 03, 2019, 06:56:42 AM »
Sometimes it's a distance thing and you don't see people who've liked you because they're outside your parameters.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #223 on: April 12, 2019, 10:40:06 AM »
I've been getting an unusually high number of likes on bumble the last few days. Anybody else notice this occurring? I know these things come in waves and I suspect it's not entirely random variation. Perhaps with Easter holidays upon us students and parents are looking to make the most of any time off they have. I've had a couple of things cease to be (not looking for any commitment other than commiting to not being an asshole, so they tend to have short shelf lives) so I'm delving back into the apps with a view to arranging some dates

Schrodingers Cat

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #224 on: September 03, 2019, 08:52:23 AM »
Ive recently tried using these again after taking a break due to not knowing how to use them (see earlier in the thread) and I just need somewhere to vent.
I imagine this is fairly standard for people who use them often, but I spent all August chatting with someone online, seemingly getting on, with each having plenty of opportunities to back out if they wanted and never did. Eventually I chanced my arm and asked if they’d like to meet up, got a ‘yes’, and they even sent me their number, but they were busy that weekend. Then within a week of this, completely stopped replying to any messages I send. Baffling if you ask me.
Is this how things usually go down? I keep toying with sending a message saying I understand and I’ll stop messaging but good luck, which feels like a terrible idea, but would give me some sense of finality about it, before trying someone new. All very frustrating.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #225 on: September 03, 2019, 08:53:50 AM »
Yes, that is 90% of the experience.

Schrodingers Cat

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #226 on: September 03, 2019, 09:03:12 AM »
Then how does anyone deal with the soul crushing misery of it all then? (Or do I just get too emotionally invested in someone I haven’t even met?)

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #227 on: September 03, 2019, 09:07:26 AM »
Then how does anyone deal with the soul crushing misery of it all then? (Or do I just get too emotionally invested in someone I haven’t even met?)

You try and meet the second you have a clear feeling that you might get along, talking for weeks before meeting is a really easy way for one or both people to build up a totally inaccurate idea of the other person. I'd say it also does nothing to reduce to odds of someone flaking.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #228 on: September 03, 2019, 09:13:15 AM »
Then how does anyone deal with the soul crushing misery of it all then? (Or do I just get too emotionally invested in someone I haven’t even met?)

No idea.

Better Midlands

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #229 on: September 03, 2019, 11:13:12 AM »
Then how does anyone deal with the soul crushing misery of it all then? (Or do I just get too emotionally invested in someone I haven’t even met?)

Don't do this and do do what Peanutbutter says. There's an ongoing thread on mumsnet about internet dating, worth a look so you can see things from their side.

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3676909-Dating-thread-168-The-things-you-choose-to-ignore-tolerate-now-are-the-reasons-you-will-break-up-in-the-future?pg=1&order=

At the end of the day it's a numbers game, don't take any thing personally - it's nothing to do with you

Schrodingers Cat

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #230 on: September 03, 2019, 11:40:03 AM »
Don't do this and do do what Peanutbutter says. There's an ongoing thread on mumsnet about internet dating, worth a look so you can see things from their side.

https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3676909-Dating-thread-168-The-things-you-choose-to-ignore-tolerate-now-are-the-reasons-you-will-break-up-in-the-future?pg=1&order=

At the end of the day it's a numbers game, don't take any thing personally - it's nothing to do with you

You’re assuming the other person was a woman...
To be fair, I wouldn’t really say I was actually invested in him as such, but it was the 1st time I’d got anywhere with messaging, and I just feel frustrated that it was after saying let’s meet up and being given his number - just doesn’t make sense to me to do that, and then decide you’re not interested. Obviously I don’t know what may have happened in the last week, and I’m really just venting anonymously online, but I am grateful for any advice people have.

Better Midlands

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #231 on: September 03, 2019, 12:01:50 PM »
You’re assuming the other person was a woman..

Sorry about that, people are people so any advice you see works for everyone. It really is a numbers game, if you have a rapport with someone try and move the messaging to WhatsApp ASAP and if that goes well arrange a date IRL within 48hrs. If someone flakes, it's not your fault - there's a thousand reasons why and 99% of them are nothing to do with you, chalk it up to experience and move on to the next.
« Last Edit: September 03, 2019, 12:25:01 PM by Better Midlands »

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #232 on: September 03, 2019, 12:03:40 PM »
Actually i've always wondered if its the same for homosexuals, because the dynamics are different.

Guess men and women are arseholes to each other too, that's grim.

Dex Sawash

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #233 on: September 03, 2019, 12:21:29 PM »

married

Schrodingers Cat

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #234 on: September 03, 2019, 01:02:08 PM »
Sorry about that, people are people so any advice you see works for everyone. It really is a numbers game, if you have a rapport with someone try and move the messaging to WhatsApp ASAP and if that goes well arrange a date IRL within 48hrs. If someone flakes, it's not your fault - there's a thousand reasons why and 99% of them are nothing to do with you, chalk it up to experience and move on to the next.

I’ve heard it’s a numbers game before, but I am quite picky about who i like/match with - I don’t see the point in matching with someone i know I won’t be interested in going out with (which is ultimately what I’m after).
So how long would you give it before saying someone’s definitely flaked/ghosted (whatever the term is)? I mean, I messaged on Sunday night and he responded immediately, then didn’t respond to the 2nd message at all. Is it worth just trying again do you think, or am I just being naive? (I think I know the answer, but if it isn’t already obvious I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING)

Better Midlands

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #235 on: September 03, 2019, 01:11:55 PM »
I am quite picky about who i like/match with - I don’t see the point in matching with someone i know I won’t be interested in going out with (which is ultimately what I’m after)

That's a good strategy, keep to that - you're wasting your time in the long run if you're chatting to people you're not attracted to.

So how long would you give it before saying someone’s definitely flaked/ghosted (whatever the term is)? I mean, I messaged on Sunday night and he responded immediately, then didn’t respond to the 2nd message at all. Is it worth just trying again do you think, or am I just being naive?

I'd say a week, you've no idea what's going on in their lives. There's no harm in sending a last message after that, keep it friendly and definitely don't call them out for not replying to you.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING

Don't worry about that, no one does

momatt

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #236 on: September 03, 2019, 01:15:54 PM »
I think the trick is to send messages every five minutes until they reply or call the police.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #237 on: September 03, 2019, 01:37:42 PM »
Echo the hundreds of reasons someone might not reply and that few will every relate to you.

I've got so many conversations that just ground to a halt at one end or the other. Momentum is fragile sometimes. Sending a brief message asking if they fancy meeting up is direct and clear and not pushy. If they don't respond to that then just take it as a dead end. Leave the match in your inbox and move on.

Schrodingers Cat

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #238 on: September 03, 2019, 02:15:23 PM »
Thanks for the replies everyone. I think what I’ll do is leave it until, say, Friday then ask if he still fancies meeting up. If answer comes there none, move on. It’ll give me time to check through other profiles if nothing else.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #239 on: September 03, 2019, 02:27:07 PM »
Remember - they're not people until you've met them. A harsh but effective mindset.