Author Topic: Internet Dating [split topic]  (Read 6703 times)

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #90 on: March 24, 2019, 09:22:42 PM »
Is the old Guardian Soulmates not a thing any more?

A woman I was seeing joined Guardian soulmates. There was only one user active in her region and he rejected her.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #91 on: March 24, 2019, 09:22:59 PM »
Have you listed yourself as bisexual whilst looking only for women?
No, but I am starting to wonder if perhaps I'm currently the only man on the site. Maybe my mother was right and I really am a special little prince?

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #92 on: March 24, 2019, 09:26:34 PM »
I've never known anything remotely like it on OkC. Even an attractive woman will take days to rack up that many likes.

Z

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #93 on: March 24, 2019, 09:29:16 PM »
I've never known anything remotely like it on OkC. Even an attractive woman will take days to rack up that many likes.
Not sure they would, a new profile on a Saturday (sat and sun are the busiest days on those sites iirc), it'd be piped near the top of a lot of people's pages if he's filled in his profile well and got a high percentage with a lot of people. Seems possible in London that your profile could flash by a lot of people in that time.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #94 on: March 24, 2019, 09:31:35 PM »
A woman I was seeing joined Guardian soulmates. There was only one user active in her region and he rejected her.

I'm enjoying imagining them both living in the same village where she has to awkwardly walk past him each day when he's having a fag outside the bookies and his unflinching stare follows her mercilessly down the lane.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #95 on: March 24, 2019, 09:32:47 PM »
Good point. Everyone I know who uses it is in the North and London is out of their radar

billyandthecloneasaurus

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #96 on: March 24, 2019, 09:35:16 PM »
I don't like how po-faced and humourless tinder can be at times.

Maybe it's just my own lack of direction and ambition, but I fucking hate the bios that are like a list of requirements.  Even if they're attractive and I tick all the boxes listed I will always swipe left cus you just know they're gonna be a nightmare.

I much prefer jokey self-deprecation to sincerely selling myself, so have generally vacillated between bios taking the piss out of myself with no matches and cringing myself to death with a CV-style list of talents which have actually gotten me dates.

I did have some success with a slightly more esoteric bio that sort of combined the two - something like "i'm good at pop music rounds in pub quizzes, cooking, and forgetting what stuff is in my cupboard when i go shopping and ending up with 5 unopened packets of fennel seeds"(don't roast me too much for my shit joke, CAB).  Quantity of matches right down, but the ones i did match with were sexy and cool and said they lolled at my fennel bantz.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #97 on: March 24, 2019, 09:38:55 PM »
"I always go for first pressing"

zomgmouse

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #98 on: March 25, 2019, 02:59:37 AM »
Variations on partner in crime

I was once complaining to a friend about dating app clichés and sending examples as I found them. We had literally just mentioned "partner in crime" when the very next profile had that listed in the bio. So I swiped left. And then the very next profile had "partner in wine". Aaaaaaaarghhhhhhh.

Listing alcohol as an interest in general is really offputting to me actually. As is listing mundane things people do anyway like "I like eating and drinking and walking and breathing in and out on a regular basis".

Also listing a height. Seems very superficial.

Or uber ratings. Which I think is meant to be an indicator of not throwing up in the back of a car therefore making you a good person?

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #99 on: March 25, 2019, 04:37:33 AM »
I like long romantic walks up the wine isle
Looking for a knight in shining armor not an idiot in a tin foil hat
If you don't look like your photo you're buying the drinks until you do
I'm not your typical girl... (follows cliche with typical things like tattoos and buying a round)

There are a million pitfalls this bio-nazi has in place for any potential match. I am so cynical about it that many days a blank bio stands a far greater chance of a right swipe on account of me not being able to find something wrong with it. Oddly I have found that time and again interesting people who choose to write nothing in their profile. How do the cliches come about, do people add them in later after swiping and reading them, do they sign up and allow friends to feed them 'things people write', are there some hugely popular guides on what to write that list them?

machotrouts

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #100 on: March 25, 2019, 04:55:48 AM »
REASONS I LEFT-SWIPED YOU ON TINDER:

- "sane and sorted"

- "professional", "ambitious", "career-driven", and any other euphemisms for "Tory"

- "straight-acting", unless they literally just mean they have a wife they're cheating on. Then that's fine

- "Hoping to leave the single market before the UK does!"

- Zodiac sign. This helpfully prevents me from matching with anyone either too old OR too young for me

- Pictured holding a hunting rifle. I've seen enough of this that I now have an intuitive revulsion to pictures of smiling blonde white men wearing tweed in a field. Even if I can't find a gun in the photo, the seed of suspicion has been planted

- Pictured holding a dead animal. This absolutely includes fish, so Bob Mortimer can get to fuck and all. No I mean the bad kind of "get to fuck"

- Pictured stroking a sedated tiger. Same problem as group pics – so many times I think I'm FINALLY going to get to fuck a sedated tiger, and it turns out I've just matched with the fucking human

- Riding a horse or elephant. Haven't analysed this yet. Do horses and elephants mind being ridden, I don't know. Just don't like it

- Really low-quality JPEGs. I don't know how but it does make them right-wing

- Every photo has a Snapchat filter

- Complaining about Snapchat filters. Yes we all hate the dog tongue filter, you don't need to wank on about it. It's like saying "ooh I hate massive internal bleeding", it's just a given, shut up old man

- Anything exclusionary even if it isn't an obviously problematic exclusion to make, like, "intelligent and funny people to the front!", "people who aren't serial killers are my weakness!" etc. Swipe me left yourself, lazy

- "Please be able to hold a conversation." This is dating bio code for "I'm too arrogant to accept that I won't be able to build a natural rapport with everyone, and will attribute the blame for any lack of connection entirely to you"

- Only pictured wearing a suit. This isn't LinkedIn bitch. I'm talking about men so it's okay for me to say bitch

- Every photo is taken so close it only gets a small section of their face and you have to mentally jigsaw together what they look like from several photos. This includes people whose pictures are cropped so severely they only include an eye, half a nose, and the corner of their mouth. What am I supposed to do with your 1:20 aspect ratio ass

- I don't want to include petty physical stuff like "bald" here, even though it's true, but I do want to note that I'm not fooled by men whose pictures are all of them wearing a hat. Sorry CaB

- All pictures are taken at parties or other exciting activities. Some of these people have something like "swipe left if all your profile pics are selfies" in their bio, which just seems to be a coded way of saying "social rejects begone". Sorry that nobody photographs me but me? Get less of a life

- Confuses skydiving for a personality

- Black and white photos. This isn't the 1830s bitch. Again I am allowed to say that

- Myers–Briggs Type. Your type is "NERD" bitch. See above

- Harry Potter house. See above

- No age listed. You can get away with that on Grindr or whatever, but that outs you as a paying Tinder Gold user. You're paying money to withhold basic biographical information from me. These are the sorts of men who will one day pay a darkweb hitman to kill you

- Sam Smith as Spotify Anthem. Restraining order vibes

- Anything about "positive vibes". 100% domestic abuser

- "Be passionate! I love passionate people! Doesn't matter what they're passionate about! Just love the passion! Cold dead joyless husks can FUCK off! No reprieve from your desolate loveless existence HERE, bitch!"

- Making lists of reasons you would left-swipe someone on Tinder. Get a grip
« Last Edit: March 25, 2019, 05:13:28 AM by machotrouts »

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #101 on: March 25, 2019, 04:58:32 AM »
Just stay at home and have a wank instead

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #102 on: March 25, 2019, 05:00:04 AM »
Family oriented/strong family values (fascist)

No crazy exes (I expect you to expunge your life of signs of a former existence)

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #103 on: March 25, 2019, 05:14:31 AM »
 
Quote
Every photo is taken so close it only gets a small section of their face and you have to mentally jigsaw together what they look like from several photos

I'm laughing.

'just looking for someone who knows what they want'

From experience this is emphatically not true

Just stay at home and have a wank instead

Would right swipe a profile that said I like staying at home and having a wank instead

MojoJojo

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #104 on: March 25, 2019, 11:39:43 AM »
It feels a bit weird asking this, but basically my wife is encouraging me to meet other women and have sex with them - not necessarily completely one night stand things but maybe friend with benefits level.

Is tinder/bumble worth trying? Or is being married going to make everyone assume I'm a cheating scumbag, no matter how I try to explain it on my profile? Also do people really do the "casual hookup" thing? MrsJojo thinks I'd have more luck and swinging sites, but they seem a bit scary to be honest.

(edit: actually just seen some posts on reddit recommending OKCupid over tinder?)

It's a bit of a head fuck to go back to dating after 15 years. I'm asking for dating advice on CaB for fucks sake. I considered posting on mumsnet but their reaction would be LTB and burn down the house.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #105 on: March 25, 2019, 11:50:07 AM »
It feels a bit weird asking this, but basically my wife is encouraging me to meet other women and have sex with them - not necessarily completely one night stand things but maybe friend with benefits level.

Is tinder/bumble worth trying? Or is being married going to make everyone assume I'm a cheating scumbag, no matter how I try to explain it on my profile? Also do people really do the "casual hookup" thing? MrsJojo thinks I'd have more luck and swinging sites, but they seem a bit scary to be honest.

(edit: actually just seen some posts on reddit recommending OKCupid over tinder?)

It's a bit of a head fuck to go back to dating after 15 years. I'm asking for dating advice on CaB for fucks sake. I considered posting on mumsnet but their reaction would be LTB and burn down the house.

reckon this post will get more questions than answers tbh.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #106 on: March 25, 2019, 12:00:16 PM »
Are there any dating sites where you don’t have to partake in the spiritual debasement of marketing yourself with a load of embarrassing shite like you’re applying to run the innocent smoothies twitter account?

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #107 on: March 25, 2019, 12:00:48 PM »
It feels a bit weird asking this, but basically my wife is encouraging me to meet other women and have sex with them - not necessarily completely one night stand things but maybe friend with benefits level.

Is tinder/bumble worth trying? Or is being married going to make everyone assume I'm a cheating scumbag, no matter how I try to explain it on my profile? Also do people really do the "casual hookup" thing? MrsJojo thinks I'd have more luck and swinging sites, but they seem a bit scary to be honest.

(edit: actually just seen some posts on reddit recommending OKCupid over tinder?)

It's a bit of a head fuck to go back to dating after 15 years. I'm asking for dating advice on CaB for fucks sake. I considered posting on mumsnet but their reaction would be LTB and burn down the house.

Can only offer what I have seen and that's to say that I see a lot of people (women) on OkC who tick 'seeing someone' and 'looking for non-monogamous only'. Obviously you're going to be appealing to a much smaller demographic than if you were single and looking for monogamy. In tinder and Bumble they do not offer the option to filter by non monogamy so you're going to be dealing with a lot of inappropriate matches. That said, you've more chance by using three apps than one. Have you thought about investigating if there are any poly community meets in your area?

Edit: yes, people do the casual hookup thing. I've been using apps for a year or so for anything ranging from things that were intended to be/turned out to be one night stands, through FWB and non monogamous relationships. None of them are designated 'hookup' apps though, and you'll actually find a lot of hostility towards it on tinder and bumble

MojoJojo

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #108 on: March 25, 2019, 12:02:44 PM »
reckon this post will get more questions than answers tbh.

Yeah, should probably start a self indulgent thread instead of derailing this one. But the question about dating apps is a genuine one!

MojoJojo

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #109 on: March 25, 2019, 12:03:58 PM »
Can only offer what I have seen and that's to say that I see a lot of people (women) on OkC who tick 'seeing someone' and 'looking for non-monogamous only'. Obviously you're going to be appealing to a much smaller demographic than if you were single and looking for monogamy. In tinder and Bumble they do not offer the option to filter by non monogamy so you're going to be dealing with a lot of inappropriate matches. That said, you've more chance by using three apps than one. Have you thought about investigating if there are any poly community meets in your area?

Thanks. I'm in Cambridge so imagine there is something but a quick google has only found a university based group. I look more later.

Wet Blanket

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #110 on: March 25, 2019, 12:06:47 PM »
REASONS I LEFT-SWIPED YOU ON TINDER:

etc.

If I've learnt anything about women from dating apps it's that the hobbies of indoor rock climbing or going on long hikes is a fast-track to singledom. I swipe left on those as well.

Specifying a height also gets a left, even if I meet the requirements, because it's so shallow. Like putting "skinny girls only please". You might think it but don't say it, Jesus.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #111 on: March 25, 2019, 12:07:59 PM »
Are there any dating sites where you don’t have to partake in the spiritual debasement of marketing yourself with a load of embarrassing shite like you’re applying to run the innocent smoothies twitter account?

At least half the profiles on tinder and bumble are just a photo

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #112 on: March 25, 2019, 12:12:16 PM »
I haven't online dated since before Tinder was even a thing. Do people still use the cliche "I like a night out dancing with friends but am just as happy with a quiet night on the sofa with a good movie and a bottle of wine"?

Cos that used to do my fucking head in.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #113 on: March 25, 2019, 12:23:06 PM »
If I've learnt anything about women from dating apps it's that the hobbies of indoor rock climbing or going on long hikes is a fast-track to singledom. I swipe left on those as well.

Specifying a height also gets a left, even if I meet the requirements, because it's so shallow. Like putting "skinny girls only please". You might think it but don't say it, Jesus.

I see a lot of 5f 11" so I'm looking for tall men but assume in many cases it's about wanting someone who won't reenforce insecurities about their own height by drawing attention to it

Wet Blanket

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #114 on: March 25, 2019, 12:32:41 PM »
My absolute favourite is "no fuckboys" because I've no idea what a fuckboy is or if I'd qualify. You see it on profiles of people who otherwise look totally normal.

Actually much worse than any cliched profile is the witty profile that mentions interests exactly the same as yours, then you swipe right, don't match and never see or hear from them again.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #115 on: March 25, 2019, 12:36:17 PM »
Is the old Guardian Soulmates not a thing any more?

I used it once in the early 90s; responded to an ad that I liked the look of. we exchanged actual letters, & became firm friends but nowt else, meeting up in W1 to do crosswords, go to the flicks, get food, get pissed, or else if it was a friday I'd take her as my guest to watch 'the word' go out (I worked for the facilities company that ran the studio). her dad was the parson in parson's green. she had two degrees from oxford & worked for brian mawhinney, despite being a lefty herself. taught me to play croquet on her parents lawn. I was definitely a bit of rough, or would've been if we'd ever done that. we made a pact- we were each other's "if all else fails" but there was no sexual chemistry. I almost wish there had been, because we got along pretty well in other ways. anyway, she went off with someone else after a few years. we had one last evening together during which she told me I couldn't come to the wedding, & that was that. she moved to sheffield & became a labour councillor. sadly she's no longer amongst us- the big C got her.

so. soulmates.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #116 on: March 25, 2019, 12:41:00 PM »
Quote
I'm in Cambridge

Definitely close to a Jay from Inbetweeners style reply.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #117 on: March 25, 2019, 12:58:17 PM »
I've no idea what a fuckboy is or if I'd qualify

I've often wondered this. I came to the conclusion that because it's pejorative then a fuckboy isn't only into fucking lots of people but also conceals their intentions to achieve that, then scarpers. That said there's a lot of sex shaming so it could also apply to people who are open about just liking non committal sex

Better Midlands

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #118 on: March 25, 2019, 01:34:17 PM »
I've often wondered this. I came to the conclusion that because it's pejorative then a fuckboy isn't only into fucking lots of people but also conceals their intentions to achieve that, then scarpers.

It's all about the softboy in 2019.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Softboy

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #119 on: March 25, 2019, 01:39:25 PM »
Fair play fancied the pants off of this Brazilian dude today.

Not really in a sexual way but I wanted to be around him and kiss him a bit. Well gay.

Also I think I just split up with my long distance girlfriend.
« Last Edit: March 25, 2019, 01:54:45 PM by bgmnts »