Author Topic: Internet Dating [split topic]  (Read 6403 times)

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #60 on: March 24, 2019, 10:50:29 AM »
I downloaded the Plenty of Fish app (where you could send anyone a direct message) a couple of years ago, but deleted it within a day or two

I've tried POF twice and found it to be nothing but a hive of villainy. Countless scam accounts, dozens of fake 'meet me' requests trying to lure you into paying for a subscription, my profile crashed twice the first time around and I had to set it up again. Totally scammy and in the two weeks I've used it I met (online) one single person who seemed absolutely great but then turned into a total wack job and I had to tell her I don't want to speak to her again and block block block. And she lives round the corner and I've seen her twice since

Not got a soft spot for POF

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #61 on: March 24, 2019, 11:07:04 AM »
I've tried POF twice and found it to be nothing but a hive of villainy. Countless scam accounts, dozens of fake 'meet me' requests trying to lure you into paying for a subscription, my profile crashed twice the first time around and I had to set it up again. Totally scammy and in the two weeks I've used it I met (online) one single person who seemed absolutely great but then turned into a total wack job and I had to tell her I don't want to speak to her again and block block block. And she lives round the corner and I've seen her twice since

Not got a soft spot for POF

My Sister used POF a lot despite my trying to persuade her to go on OKCupid, and it's put her online dating almost completely. Not a surprise though as the one relationship she did have through it with Racist Graham turned out to be pretty shitty by the end.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #62 on: March 24, 2019, 11:08:06 AM »
Nah, you can always assume it's because of some weird personal baggage that won't emerge for years.

Well same thing really.

imitationleather

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #63 on: March 24, 2019, 11:08:14 AM »
My Sister used POF a lot despite my trying to persuade her to go on OKCupid, and it's put her online dating almost completely. Not a surprise though as the one relationship she did have through it with Racist Graham turned out to be pretty shitty by the end.

Really? But Racist Graham sounds like such a catch!

grassbath

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #64 on: March 24, 2019, 11:13:27 AM »
I'm back on tinder again after a long break. As always it's the first message that's problematic. It's impossible to tell who will respond well to just dull vanilla complimentary chat and who will respond well to being a bit more flirty and banterous - you run an equal risk of alienating someone with either.

For instance matched with a girl who was a choral singer. Opened with 'choral singer - nice. Soprano or alto?' Soprano, came the one word reply. Ok, maybe a bit boring, let's turn the cheek on a bit - 'Not too much of a diva though I hope?'

No reply. Fucked it. Sorry, are you unable to see that was a joke and an invitation to continue discussing something we are clearly both interested in, not a genuine insult? Or do I have to put a winky face in to make my intentions absolutely clear? What even is the point of you being on this app?

Clownbaby

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #65 on: March 24, 2019, 11:20:11 AM »
I'm back on tinder again after a long break. As always it's the first message that's problematic. It's impossible to tell who will respond well to just dull vanilla complimentary chat and who will respond well to being a bit more flirty and banterous - you run an equal risk of alienating someone with either.

For instance matched with a girl who was a choral singer. Opened with 'choral singer - nice. Soprano or alto?' Soprano, came the one word reply. Ok, maybe a bit boring, let's turn the cheek on a bit - 'Not too much of a diva though I hope?'

No reply. Fucked it. Sorry, are you unable to see that was a joke and an invitation to continue discussing something we are clearly both interested in, not a genuine insult? Or do I have to put a winky face in to make my intentions absolutely clear? What even is the point of you being on this app?

Aw man the messaging is a minefield, I hate it and I just gave up. Very difficult to get the ball rolling. I've had it where guys seemed like they were joking and being bantery and then suddenly going cold out of nowhere, and lots of "hey" messages where I figure "right I'll say hi back and add a little extra to try and get a coversation started" and then nothing back. He got not just a "hey" back but a little compliment about his bio and that's somehow offputting mate okay. Don't get it. To go cold after giving a woman a SUPERLIKE which it sometimes is

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #66 on: March 24, 2019, 11:22:25 AM »
Do people actually meet outside of dating sites anymore?

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #67 on: March 24, 2019, 11:33:03 AM »
Yeah, virtually nobody where I work is on dating apps and all are settled down in miserable relationships. A dating app is just a way to meet people in real life

re. messaging, try to not overthink it. People have alsorts of reasons to disappear. It's probably not because you fucked it in some way. Almost every single Superlike is an accident in my experience. People who Superlike never respond, people who just swiped right do.

« Last Edit: March 24, 2019, 11:49:56 AM by phes »

Z

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #68 on: March 24, 2019, 11:53:37 AM »
re. messaging, try to not overthink it. People have alsorts of reasons to disappear. It's probably not because you fucked it in some way.
Yep, you've gotta just accept that there's virtually no commitment whatsoever from either person until a few hours before meeting. It rarely has anything to do with the other person.
People will flake like crazy and you can too (I'd say I'm much worse for flaking than they are so far).


Definitely just meet quickly, basically the second you're comfortable with the idea that the chat will actually flow okay.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #69 on: March 24, 2019, 11:58:19 AM »
Joined OkCupid last night and have 167 likes as of now. Is this normal? If so it's all a bit overwhelming, even presuming a lot of them are spam.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #70 on: March 24, 2019, 12:15:56 PM »
Yeah I think it's not unusual that women get a lot more attention than men. Very few will be scammy but a great number will likely be twats.

alan nagsworth

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #71 on: March 24, 2019, 12:16:49 PM »
I only ever used OkCupid and Tinder. Bizarrely had zero dates or even conversations on the former, but did have a string of dates with the latter. Mostly fruitless because I was looking for a serious relationship and I’m not overly forward or flirty which I guess can seem offputting on a first date (although if conversation isn’t a turn-on then it ain’t worth the time for me).

I was just about to give up on the whole thing after a date which ended with the girl (who clearly had some issues of insecurity) crying her eyes out when I told her I didn’t really feel a spark, then subsequently agreeing to go our separate ways. We were on Alexandra Palace hill and I ended up half drunkenly stumbling onto the golf course, doing a U-turn and realising she’d not left at all and I did a deliberately OTT “I went the wrong waaay!” and she averted her mascara-smudged gaze from me and completely fucking blanked me. Most awkward date I’ve ever been on.

Anyway I was on the cusp of deleting the app when another match sparked up a conversation with me about drag queens. Ten months later, we’re deeply in love, I’ve never met anyone quite like her and I am very happy. In fact I’m currently in Stockholm with her. She brought me here as a complete surprise and took me to see one of our favourite queens doing a rollicking standup comedy set and we’ve spent the week doing all sorts of lovely stuff around the city.

People on dating apps can be extremely fickle and it’s a difficult world unless you’re really willing to commit and you know exactly what you want out of it. But success is possible.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #72 on: March 24, 2019, 12:26:23 PM »
Yeah I think it's not unusual that women get a lot more attention than men. Very few will be scammy but a great number will likely be twats.
I'm a man though. Perhaps I should have mentioned that on my profile...

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #73 on: March 24, 2019, 12:34:49 PM »
Yeah the messaging thing is frustrating but you have to try not take it to heart, even though I'm guilty of a) wondering what the hell I've done wrong if someone suddenly goes cold, and b) doing the exact same thing myself sometimes.

I don't generally go on dating apps while I'm at work and I'm pretty rubbish at thinking up vaguely interesting or engaging things to write on the trot (yeah yeah, I know that's the whole point of apps), so by the time I'm home there's only a small-ish window each day when I'll have time to actually go through and message people. However if I'm sending the opening message I'll try to always include something that can move the conversation forward, like asking about something interesting/funny on their profile, rather than just 'Hey' or 'How's your week going?' or something similarly generic.

I'll second the suggestion to try to meet sooner rather than later, although some guys seem a bit unnerved when I've suggested this.

I think a lot of people do things like swiping right on everyone and then going through their matches to see who they actually like, which is a bit depressing but yeah, you have to take it with a pinch of salt I'm afraid.

Having said all this, I think it can be a great way of meeting people and I've had some great/hilarious/weird dates off it, I think the main issue is my own despondency really.

zomgmouse

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #74 on: March 24, 2019, 12:58:09 PM »
I'm always surprised when I hear that women experience men not replying to them. I always thought that since women receive far more messages from men that they understandably can't always reply to all of them. But men not replying is just odd to me. I always reply to messages.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #75 on: March 24, 2019, 01:00:07 PM »
One thing I find offputting with profiles is when their 'About Me' is full of nothing but negatives. I know that there is a lot of idiots on dating apps however, the people who send bad messages are the type of people who don't bother to read profiles.

If you have got nothing positive to say, then I'll assume you're a negative person and will move on.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #76 on: March 24, 2019, 01:01:53 PM »
I'm always surprised when I hear that women experience men not replying to them. I always thought that since women receive far more messages from men that they understandably can't always reply to all of them. But men not replying is just odd to me. I always reply to messages.

I don't respond to messages from people I'm not interested in. It is horrible to get a reply from someone you like, only to be told that they don't like you.
"Thanks for your message, I have absolutely no interest in you." I received that once. I'd rather she not have responded at all.

zomgmouse

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #77 on: March 24, 2019, 01:07:26 PM »
I don't respond to messages from people I'm not interested in. It is horrible to get a reply from someone you like, only to be told that they don't like you.
"Thanks for your message, I have absolutely no interest in you." I received that once. I'd rather she not have responded at all.

Really? I'm the opposite. I'd much rather be told a concrete no than float in the unknown.
Especially after actually meeting in person. The least you can do is say "that was nice but sorry I don't think we clicked" or what have you.

Mind you, men (and women occasionally I suppose but it's mainly men) quite often are shit at taking a no so it can make sense why total silence is the go-to method for a lot of women.

But overall it seems like people don't want to face their own difficult feelings or difficult situations and opt for just not saying anything. Which, I mean, you're all adults. Be an adult.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #78 on: March 24, 2019, 01:51:08 PM »
Really? I'm the opposite. I'd much rather be told a concrete no than float in the unknown.
Especially after actually meeting in person. The least you can do is say "that was nice but sorry I don't think we clicked" or what have you.

Mind you, men (and women occasionally I suppose but it's mainly men) quite often are shit at taking a no so it can make sense why total silence is the go-to method for a lot of women.

But overall it seems like people don't want to face their own difficult feelings or difficult situations and opt for just not saying anything. Which, I mean, you're all adults. Be an adult.

Oh if I've met the person then yes, I do like to be told 'thanks but no thanks'. Normally I have an idea by the end of the date if we're getting on or not but it is nice to know. I've never had a bad reaction to rejection, it is part and parcel to online dating.

I'm only talking about the initial message I send.

zomgmouse

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #79 on: March 24, 2019, 02:41:07 PM »
Oh if I've met the person then yes, I do like to be told 'thanks but no thanks'. Normally I have an idea by the end of the date if we're getting on or not but it is nice to know. I've never had a bad reaction to rejection, it is part and parcel to online dating.

I'm only talking about the initial message I send.

Ah I suppose that is different then. But still, you've matched with each other, that's at least not NOT an interaction. Could at least reply with anything at all. Common courtesy or something. I dunno.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #80 on: March 24, 2019, 03:29:12 PM »
Ah I suppose that is different then. But still, you've matched with each other, that's at least not NOT an interaction. Could at least reply with anything at all. Common courtesy or something. I dunno.

I'm talking about OKCupid in the old days or POF where you don't have to match to send messages.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #81 on: March 24, 2019, 04:55:58 PM »
I'm a man though. Perhaps I should have mentioned that on my profile...

No idea how you've accrued 170 likes in 12 hours then. That's crazy for any man. Guess people must really like you.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #82 on: March 24, 2019, 05:02:43 PM »
One thing I find offputting with profiles is when their 'About Me' is full of nothing but negatives. I know that there is a lot of idiots on dating apps however, the people who send bad messages are the type of people who don't bother to read profiles.

If you have got nothing positive to say, then I'll assume you're a negative person and will move on.

Some of the really angry profiles are great.

So it's come to this. I am NOT looking for FUN. Do NOT message me if your not genuine. NO DICK PICS. I have three kids and I'm curvy so if you can't handle that then JOG ON. No druggies, smokers, if ur living with ur parents DO NOT MESSAGE ME. If u match and don't talk i will DELETE YOU in 48 hours. So sick of perverts and liers. I own a rabbit. Anything else just ask

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #83 on: March 24, 2019, 08:00:21 PM »
Hahaha yes, in fact that is uncannily similar to one profile I read. She had obviously been messed around, familiar story of woman in their twenties making terrible decisions to be with arsehole men, and spat out the other side with kids and scars, but jesus fucking christ don't react to that by immediately broadcasting that you are a hostile intolerant and quite scary fuckup. With a rabbit.

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #84 on: March 24, 2019, 08:16:43 PM »
if the missus bins me off i'm strapping a bomb to my chest and putting a crater in the local bowling green before even considering trawling the dregs of humanity for a pair of misshapen tits to jizz on.

no offence to the dregs like.

phes

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #85 on: March 24, 2019, 08:30:54 PM »
Automatic left:

Own house, car, teeth...
Got my shit together
Me: *insert positive adjective*, You: *insert positive...*
Not that kind of girl
Variations on partner in crime
Absolutely any sex shaming
Absolutely any app dating shaming

Automatic right:

Any good one-liner I haven't read before, especially self deprecating or overtly sexual:

Looking for a face to sit on (now sadly 'found a face')
Gag reflex as absent as father
I will not date anyone who walks backwards
Borderline nobhead seeks similar for fun and noodles

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #86 on: March 24, 2019, 08:53:15 PM »
if the missus bins me off i'm strapping a bomb to my chest and putting a crater in the local bowling green before even considering trawling the dregs of humanity for a pair of misshapen tits to jizz on.

no offence to the dregs like.

Another GUFFAW contender. José is in a good run of form.

king_tubby

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #87 on: March 24, 2019, 09:09:02 PM »
Is the old Guardian Soulmates not a thing any more?

Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #88 on: March 24, 2019, 09:11:40 PM »
I'm up to 300 likes now, which frankly seems absurd, but I've only had 2 matches for all that and I'm far too tired tonight to try and be charming to strangers. Is it bad to leave these things for a bit?

Z

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Re: Internet Dating [split topic]
« Reply #89 on: March 24, 2019, 09:14:53 PM »
I'm up to 300 likes now, which frankly seems absurd, but I've only had 2 matches for all that and I'm far too tired tonight to try and be charming to strangers. Is it bad to leave these things for a bit?
Have you listed yourself as bisexual whilst looking only for women?