Author Topic: Morocco - First Impressionz  (Read 1481 times)

Morocco - First Impressionz
« on: March 22, 2019, 06:25:38 PM »
I have finally fulfilled the prophecies of old and entered the noble continent of Africa!

Marrakech looks gorgeous; the architecture, the design of the streets, the hustle and bustle of the crowds. I like it.

However I have only been here 2 hours, the bus from the airport, and i'm pretty sure I have sunstroke.

The people seem quite open and expressive and have friendly faces, the shuttle bus driver was a real gent. Tipped him a tenner for his troubles because i'm top.

Does anyone have any suggestions - tight budget mind - and/or advice?

Blinder Data

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2019, 06:41:33 PM »
I went to Marrakech and tbh found it quite exhausting. My tolerance for being accosted and lied to ("bartered with") must be quite low. Plus it was boiling.

I did tourist shit like Jardin Marjorelle, Bahia Palace and Saadian Tombs. But aside from those things I found it hard to find things to do (and the accosting thing made just hanging out or wandering around unappealing).

Though I wish I'd had more time there as I would've just fucked off to the Atlas mountains. So maybe do that?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2019, 06:48:10 PM »
Cool, enjoy. And keep hydrated, maybe taking a bottle of water around with you.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2019, 06:49:39 PM »
I went the fuckin Atlas and went up your boy Toubkal. Started cryin like a fanny when we reached peak, it was the sun on my face after startin in pitch dark with a head torch and I had developed tinnitus three months before and wanted to kill myself and then I said Praise The Sun and welled up and couldn't talk for the lump in my throat and it all came out and I decided to live and treat it just as a death sentence which meant I could be free any time but I could then make of my life exactly what I wanted from then on and I chose to unshackle myself from commitment to anything but my wife and cats so I am a truly honest now and I've never felt more alive and so filled with love and hate. I really mean this.

I also went to Essaouira and saw some bog eyed fella with his fuckin peepers almost poppin out and I wanted to kill myself again because I had so much empathy for the cunt

BlodwynPig

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #4 on: March 22, 2019, 07:13:01 PM »
Try and find Mumm-Ra's lair






Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2019, 09:27:38 PM »
I chose to unshackle myself from commitment to anything but my wife and cats so I am a truly honest now and I've never felt more alive and so filled with love and hate. I really mean this.

Exactly the same here. Though most of my hatred is focused on Animal Collective, the shit Beach Boys that they are.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2019, 09:43:18 PM »
Hmm. I've been. The nicest place was Essaouira. Go there by train. It's cheaper. Eat some fried fish in bread with tomato sauce.

Morocco is not great if you're a woman alone. A tad boring in terms of things to do but it is lively. There was something slightly otherworldly about seeing sheep tied to the front of motorbikes (no my drink wasn't spiked) and the smell of petrol, the tanneries, open markets. It's not a bad looking place. Visit the Atlas mountains.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2019, 09:45:21 PM »
Exactly the same here. Though most of my hatred is focused on Animal Collective, the shit Beach Boys that they are.

Die right now for that comment. They're an incredible, talented and creative band. What the fuck is wrong with your ears? You're so lucky this is the internet or I'd give your balls a Chinese burn.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #8 on: March 22, 2019, 09:46:06 PM »
Exactly the same here. Though most of my hatred is focused on Animal Collective, the shit Beach Boys that they are.

Your fuckin worng cunt

Have you heard the new Avey album cunners

BlodwynPig

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #9 on: March 22, 2019, 10:11:07 PM »
Your fuckin worng cunt

Have you heard the new Avey album cunners

Bang average.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2019, 12:30:55 AM »
Has anyone even fucking mentioned the fucking food

Glebe

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2019, 12:57:26 AM »
I've been to Tangier, albeit just for a few hours (day trip on a ferry from Gibraltar). I rode a camel and all.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #12 on: March 23, 2019, 01:08:55 AM »
I've been to Tangier, albeit just for a few hours (day trip on a ferry from Gibraltar). I rode a camel and all.

I bet you did etc. etc.

Glebe

  • Cheers, thanks mate, nice one.
Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2019, 01:12:35 AM »
I bet you did etc. etc.

Fittingly, we smoked a pack of Camels afterwards!

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2019, 05:35:01 AM »
Has anyone even fucking mentioned the fucking food

Don't eat the sausages at the Djemma El Fna.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #15 on: March 23, 2019, 05:59:58 AM »

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #16 on: March 23, 2019, 06:42:20 AM »
I chose to go there because there's a song about it. I thought it must be good, because the song says so. I hadn't factored in that the song is 50 years old, it's out of date. But I'd been agoraphobic for a good while, and it was a challenge to go.

I found it frustrating, as a place. My worst experience was when looking for the Ben Salah mosque, in the souk. A guy accosted me, then attached me to another guy, a man who lived in the Atlas mountains and was wearing a football shirt. I soon realised we weren't going to the Ben Salah mosque, but I didn't know how to extricate myself politely. it seemed easier just to go with it and wait for the right moment.

we walked for about 15 minutes, down winding streets, past a school. We ended up, the guy just dropped me off with a wizened old git who it turned out made goat skin rugs. He gave me some mint to hold under my nose- "takes away the smell!" he chuckled. "we cure the skins with bird... shit!" There was a stench of ammonia all around. I realise he wants to give me the whole tour, and no doubt try to sell me one at the end. Well, I was a vegan at the time. There's no way I want to buy, or even see his stinking goat skin rugs. I told him politely, and then walked off through a large square. He walked behind me, cursing angrily in Arabic. Various men were sat against the walls in the square; they watched silently. It felt uncomfortable. Also I felt indignant- it was ME who had been dragged massively out of my way by some cnt in order to view the results of a bit of animal cruelty. I should be the one cursing in Arabic!

Finding my way back to the pension, another old crone attached himself to me. By this time I was sick of this shit. i was tired from all the walking, needed a rest, starting to feel panicky. He was pointing out local shops to me. "Pharmacy! it's very good!"
I saw that it was indeed a pharmacy. He tried to link his hand through my arm. I took it off. He tried again. I thought "I'm gonna LAMP this geezer". In the end I had to literally run away from him. "Au revoir!" I said, and sprinted down the street. "AU REVOIR!"

So yeah, as Blinder Data says hard to enjoy without being accosted. My advice would be to avoid the souk. Go to Essouira, it's very pretty.
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 07:07:48 AM by Ray Travez »

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #17 on: March 23, 2019, 08:12:00 AM »
Shit hole in summary and speaking only in generalities but a lot of the people were absolute cunts. Nice saffron tea.

ToneLa

  • Kill your masters
Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2019, 09:40:51 AM »
Has anyone even fucking mentioned the fucking hash

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #19 on: March 23, 2019, 09:56:32 AM »

I hated Marrakech - just as bad there as a bloke on your own. Couldn’t even walk across the main square without someone trying to grab you by the wrist and drag you off somewhere or get hassled to buy something you don’t want, or being hassled by rent boys.

The best story about Marrakech is the one from someone on here when he and his girlfriend go into the restaurant and accidentally eat the taxi drivers lunch. Fucking one of the best stories ever that.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #20 on: March 23, 2019, 11:01:56 AM »
If I went to Morocco I think my first impression would be....


Janie Jones

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #21 on: March 23, 2019, 01:41:30 PM »
Just to echo what others have said about Marrakech, the relentless hassles and hustles and scamming and (if, like my friend, you're a woman foolish enough to go a bit off the tourist trail without covering your hair) actual sexual assault is exhausting. I've never been anywhere else where it was simply out of the question to potter out of my accommodation alone to buy a postcard or something. Simply couldn't happen. This was several years ago and the tourism industry was visibly working to try to clamp down on the fleecing of tourists so maybe it's less stressful now.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #22 on: March 23, 2019, 04:38:22 PM »
Was just asked for money by two random blokes standing on the corner and then accosted and followed by a group of about 6, couldn't have been more than 11 or 12.

Asked me for money for an entire 10 minutes, 3 adults tried to shoo them but only the last one managed to get them to scarper.

This is in Berrechid, by the way, far from a big city. God knows what Marrakech proper is like at full swing. Thank god i'm poor.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #23 on: March 23, 2019, 04:45:02 PM »
Should have swat the kids with an olive branch - ironically

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #24 on: March 23, 2019, 05:19:35 PM »
Was just asked for money by two random blokes standing on the corner and then accosted and followed by a group of about 6, couldn't have been more than 11 or 12.

Asked me for money for an entire 10 minutes, 3 adults tried to shoo them but only the last one managed to get them to scarper.

This is in Berrechid, by the way, far from a big city. God knows what Marrakech proper is like at full swing. Thank god i'm poor.

You’re prime meat mate. Lucky you havent been made to dance on a pedestal in the main square yet.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #25 on: March 23, 2019, 05:54:37 PM »
Go to Essouira, it's very pretty.

I said that!

imitationleather

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #26 on: March 24, 2019, 02:18:58 AM »
Was just asked for money by two random blokes standing on the corner and then accosted and followed by a group of about 6, couldn't have been more than 11 or 12.

Asked me for money for an entire 10 minutes, 3 adults tried to shoo them but only the last one managed to get them to scarper.

This is in Berrechid, by the way, far from a big city. God knows what Marrakech proper is like at full swing. Thank god i'm poor.

Should have told them to jog on or you'd do go Joe Orton and Kenneth Williams on Hols in Morocco on them.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #27 on: March 24, 2019, 05:27:48 AM »
I went two years ago.  Climbed Toubkal (didn't get butchered - whew!) and stayed in Marrakech.  Went deep into the souk on my own (I'm a bloke) and did get hassled a bit but it wasn't too much of a problem.

Majorelle Garden was the undoubted highlight for me, a wonderfully restful place.  It is the only place in the city I'd like to visit again.

We also went to the famous La Mamounia hotel, Marrakech's most exclusive.  One of our party had tried on three previous occasions to get in but had always been rebuffed.  This time he planned it like a 60s caper movie.  We should have had our own Henry Mancini theme tune. 

There were four of us, me, my mate and two ladies.  We glammed up as much as possible (in my case, that meant putting on my £6 charity shop blazer, which I had asked the staff in our riad to iron for me that morning) and approached the building trying to look as comfortable as we could, like we belonged there.  Success!  They greeted us graciously and waved us through, wishing us well.  "But I'm afraid madam cannot bring that inside," they said, indicating the bottle of water one of the ladies had been sipping from while we'd walked to the hotel.  "Leave it here and you can collect it when you leave."  The girl looked at me with panic.  "Keeble," she said in a small voice, "it's vodka."  Half a litre!

Well, she left it there - she had no choice - and we went through the opulent foyer into the gardens where Churchill, de Gaulle, Hitchcock, Dietrich and Chaplin had whiled away the hours (not all at the same time).  I thought the gardens smelled a bit of cat's piss.  We ordered cocktails which were predictably pricey but not otherwise outstanding and, curiosity satisfied, left.

My friend collected her 'water' bottle and we hailed a cab.  Once inside she took a sip.  "Keeble!" she spluttered.  "This is water!!"  What had happened we couldn't know for sure.  Either they had rumbled her ruse and switched liquids, knowing she couldn't possibly complain, or she had simply taken the wrong bottle.  If the latter was the case, then we imagined later that evening some poor Muslim receptionist reaching for an innocent swig of H2O and breaking, possibly for the first time in his life (albeit unwittingly), one of his faith's prohibitions.  The Mancini theme would have deserved a reprise at that point.

Twed

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Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #28 on: March 24, 2019, 05:29:41 AM »
"What Do You Want From Me" was good, but they didn't have the chops for a full album.

Re: Morocco - First Impressionz
« Reply #29 on: March 24, 2019, 07:35:18 AM »
It is all sand, have yourself go and play in it as a child should play in his sandpit. Bucket and spade the whole country, minecraft it about, and you can sculpt it in your image. You are the creator, and everything shall be as you have willed it. Renewal, rejuvenation, all things must change with the shifting of the sands of time, and you will shift them with your bucket and spade.

I am very jealous, I adore digging through cat litter with my little scoop, raking it into a little zen garden, piling up restful shit hillocks for the litter to ripple off from whilst intoning "Ishi wo Tateru koto". I have built a world of unmatched tranquility, the groundsman of the garden of eden, and with all that sand you can build the same and more. You will become a god.