Morocco - First Impressionz

[bgmnts]

Marrakech can seriously get to fuck.

[Neville Chamberlain]

Haha, why?! I must admit I found it both fascinating and fucking annoying in equal measure.

[Twit 2]

Why do people go on holiday to places that are shit?

"Well being raped was a pity, but I had an excellent tagine afterwards."

AND THAT'S JUST BLACKPOOL

[Notlob]

Marrakech is a great city. The square at night is full of eats, drinks, snake charmers, musicians - and all of that is genuinely for local people. The tourists are an add on.

To wander around the souq you no doubt have to be a chilled motha and not some up tight red faced Englishman in shorts - say it with a smile and bat them away (La, shukran).  If you're not from a bartering culture I appreciate its difficult to adjust but remember a few simple things and it'll be easier to cope. If bartering be you can say almost what you like with a smile (For that price?! In this condition?! No way my friend, how about - ) Remember, never ever feel bad - if the dude has agreed on a price no matter how many destitute mothers he claims to have, that is the price. He will never sell at a loss. And if you don't want to buy, that's cool too- someone will buy from him today no matter how many tears he sheds. Just keep smiling and say next time insha allah. Keep it chill more for your sake then theirs. On the other hand it really rankles when people get all antsy about the extra 10MAD they're being charged or whatever. 10MAD is literally 8p. Fucking pay your white people price, enjoy your purchase and move on. I've seen tourists get really upset at being charged an extra 50MAD or whatever and it's just ungracious - 50p probs means nothing to you and a whole lot to the seller. So don't be that person either.

Stay in a riad off the main square. Eat at Ibn Toubkal restaurant - in the early mornings they make msemmen, a crispy pancake served with butter and honey. The tagine here is good too. Always ask before you take a picture, as a bonus you can give them a tip once you have done so or buy something.  Or there's delicious ful and bread down the side street from the restaurant, again early morning.

I really liked the jardin majorelle - especially the alien-like cacti of all varieties, however do not miss the Berber museum within the garden, beautifully curated berber cloaks and jewellery. Saadian tombs, baahia palace, koutoubia mosque standard must sees. Madersa ben Youssef is beautiful, it was one of the oldest theological colleges and the rooms of the students are well preserved.

Essaouira is great - CTM bus will get you there. I always found them to run on time, clean and have air conditioning. Essaouira is much more artsy and relaxed, they pride themselves on this near hassle-free souq. Plus pretty cheap. They have a fish market most days where you can be fresh fish and local restaurant will take you off and cook it for you.

You can also coach into the Atlas mountains - Ourzazate in a cute town close to the UNESCO world heritage site of Ait Behaddou (numerous films shot there). The drive up is what really made it for me: 6 hours long and not bored once watching the moutain scenery unwinding below you. Stunning.

[Twit 2]

Lot of made up words in that, don't think you've actually been.

[Neville Chamberlain]

To wander around the souq you no doubt have to be a chilled motha and not some up tight red faced Englishman in shorts - say it with a smile and bat them away (La, shukran).  If you're not from a bartering culture I appreciate its difficult to adjust but remember a few simple things and it'll be easier to cope. If bartering be you can say almost what you like with a smile (For that price?! In this condition?! No way my friend, how about - ) Remember, never ever feel bad - if the dude has agreed on a price no matter how many destitute mothers he claims to have, that is the price. He will never sell at a loss. And if you don't want to buy, that's cool too- someone will buy from him today no matter how many tears he sheds. Just keep smiling and say next time insha allah. Keep it chill more for your sake then theirs. On the other hand it really rankles when people get all antsy about the extra 10MAD they're being charged or whatever. 10MAD is literally 8p. Fucking pay your white people price, enjoy your purchase and move on. I've seen tourists get really upset at being charged an extra 50MAD or whatever and it's just ungracious - 50p probs means nothing to you and a whole lot to the seller. So don't be that person either.

Good post. I went around the souq and didn't even bother bartering. Bought a couple of things at "unhaggled" prices and still paid basically peanuts. I think a lot of tourists see the bartering as all part of the fun, a bit like a sport, a way to feel closer to the native culture, and if you can't knock the price down as far as someone else might be able to, even it's a matter of pennies, they consider themselves a failure. The tourist guides don't help, either, because they seem to encourage visitors to get skilled at bartering in the souq.

[Notlob]

Lot of made up words in that, don't think you've actually been.

I have! Essaouira (I-swear-a)!!!

[Notlob]

Good post. I went around the souq and didn't even bother bartering. Bought a couple of things at "unhaggled" prices and still paid basically peanuts. I think a lot of tourists see the bartering as all part of the fun, a bit like a sport, a way to feel closer to the native culture, and if you can't knock the price down as far as someone else might be able to, even it's a matter of pennies, they consider themselves a failure. The tourist guides don't help, either, because they seem to encourage visitors to get skilled at bartering in the souq.

Right - more chilled for you, more chilled for them, you get what you want at a price you want. Everyone wins.

My theory is moroccan market folk are the only ones who know that that monetary value, much like beauty, is the in eye of the beholder. Frinstance - a friend of mine used to work for a ceramics auction house. When certain buyers used to phone up about particular products the price of that piece used to go up, as that buyer was a known collector. So for him, it wasn't a random piece but a missing piece from their collection. The piece in and of itself is of course worth nothing (to a pleb like me) - money is only a shared imaginary construct after all.

So - what makes you happy at the price that makes you happy and sod the sod who got it 20MAD cheaper 8 stalls down.

[Ray Travez]

I said that!

Yes, I was just manfirming it.

[bgmnts]

Essouaira is lovely but gave me the most intense sunburn i've ever had in my life. Yellow blisters and everything.

I tried argan oil, coconut oil, eye of newt and everything and fuck all.

I think I have skin cancer.

Also saw Ouzarzarte or whatever, Casa, Ifrane, Azrou and rode a camel through the Merzouga. Decent.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Essouaira is lovely but gave me the most intense sunburn i've ever had in my life. Yellow blisters and everything.

I tried argan oil, coconut oil, eye of newt and everything and fuck all.

I think I have skin cancer.

Also saw Ouzarzarte or whatever, Casa, Ifrane, Azrou and rode a camel through the Merzouga. Decent.

Not been to Morocco, but a lad at work got proper serious had to take time off work sunburn 'cos they fell asleep on a sunlounger in Dubai.

[bgmnts]

Wouldn't surprise me, this sun is absolutely savage. I've been unable to move without intense pain for three days.

[The Boston Crab]

Good on you mate. Have some saffron tea, that'll sort it. Shagged any of the locals yet?

[bgmnts]

Jokes aside, the tea is a bit shite. Same with Tagine, it's just stew. The couscous is pukka though. Same with m'semen. M'semen is life here.

Can't shag any locals, that'd be incredibly Haram.

[Chollis]

M'semen is life here.

joke there I reckon

[bgmnts]

Day 4 of intense burns and blisters. Can barely move.

Sun can fuck off.

[The Boston Crab]

Bad luck mate. It'll get better. Where's next after Morocco? You really need to spin this out for at least a year, I'd suggest. Travel across/round the world working and shagging your way through the local fayre, eating loads of new dishes and you can start a pop-up street food market/brothel inspired by your trip on your return to some town wherever you from. Keep it going mate, that sounds like a rubbish plan. Just keep going and do it for me because I can't now. X

[Twit 2]

Go home and read The Conference of the Birds in a shit cafe.

[bgmnts]

Bad luck mate. It'll get better. Where's next after Morocco? You really need to spin this out for at least a year, I'd suggest. Travel across/round the world working and shagging your way through the local fayre, eating loads of new dishes and you can start a pop-up street food market/brothel inspired by your trip on your return to some town wherever you from. Keep it going mate, that sounds like a rubbish plan. Just keep going and do it for me because I can't now. X

Nepal for a month and then back home. Had to take out a personal loan with the bank so will probs have to spend a while paying that back before I can get out there again. It's a good laugh though. No shagging though sadly.

[The Boston Crab]

That sounds superb. Fuck off the bank cunts and shack up with some Nepalese farmer's daughter become a great gambler.