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J. R. Hartley in the 21st Century

Started by Alberon, March 26, 2019, 12:02:14 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Alberon

J. R. Hartley - "I was wondering if you had a copy of Fly Fishing by J. R. Hartley?"

Shopkeeper - "Sorry mate, this isn't a second hand bookshop anymore. This is a Polski Pound Shop now."

J. R. Hartley - "Oh dear."

LATER

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "No luck, Dad?"

J. R. Hartley - "No one uses real bookshops any more. It's all on the line, whatever that means."

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "The internet! That's a great idea. Here, let me show you how it works."

LATER

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "There. Now I just need to pop out for some reason so while I'm gone just check Amazon for your book."

J. R. Hartley - "Thank you, my dear."

J. R. Hartley's daughter leaves.

J. R. Hartley - "There's my book! Just 1p plus postage. That was easy. What else can you find on this internetty thing?"

LATER

J. R. Hartley - "My word! That lady has no clothes on!"

LATER

J. R. Hartley - "Four people at once? And one of the women appears to be a man! Oh marvellous!"

LATER

J. R. Hartley - "So that's what CBT is? Looks fun! Oh dear, I haven't felt this excited in years!" He loosens his trousers.

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "I'm home. Did you get the boo— DAD! What are you doing?!?"

J. R. Hartley - "Oh dear, oh my! Sorry!"

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "I don't believe this! How could you?"

J. R. Hartley - "It is rather old."

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "Well, quite."

Cuellar


Glebe

J.R. HARTLEY: i wonder if u can help me i wonder if u have a copy of fly fishing by jr hartley

ONLINE BOOKSTORE LIVE CHAT SUPPORT: Will check for you now just a moment please...

J.R. HARTLEY: ok

ONLINE BOOKSTORE LIVE CHAT SUPPORT: You're in luck we have a copy Sir.

J.R. HARTLEY: Oh u do oh thats wonderful my name is jr hartley

ONLINE BOOKSTORE LIVE CHAT SUPPORT: Oh like in the old ad yeah my grandad used to go on about that heh.

BlodwynPig

Huw from BBC News: "The STAR OF JK ROWLING'S LORD OF THE HARRY POTTER, JR TOLKLEY, HAS DIED TODAY AT THE AGE OF 123. HE WILL BE BEST REMEMBERED AS THE OLD FISHERMAN IN THE HARRY POTTER FRANCHISE. TRIBUTES HAVE BEEN FLOODING IN FROM CELEBRITIES AND FANS ON TWITTER"

J.R. Hartley: That damnable BBC!

*Turns over to ITV's Tales of the Unexpected*

Continuity Announcer: "NOW FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF JR DAHLTLEY'S TALES OF THE UNEXPECTED...and a man gets an unexpected fright during a particularly gloomy fishing expedition IN ... FLY FISHING BY J.R. HARTLEY"

Glebe

J.R. HARTLEY: Hello, is that Book Bargains? I wonder if you have 'Fly Fishing' by J.R. Hartley? No, I don't want the 'ebook' version. *irritated scowl*

QuoteTotal Mong @totalmong

Hey @jrhartley your books are fucking shit mate. None shall fucking pass? None shall fucking piss more like! Cunt!

QuoteUp The Arsenal @fandango888887

Fly fishing??? u want to come round here in the summer @jrhartley. got tons of the fuckers lol.

QuoteDavid Lannister @davidjohnson2781

Loved this week's episode @jrhartley. Great effects on the dragons and Daenerys is a total babe!

BlodwynPig

Jissim Spawp (US Billboard #1 artist 2019) - "JR's the boi, ezz'len papper-boi. Fly-fishing for reels, u feel me? Fresh drizzle. Jissim on da boaty mcboatface catchin' some fishies and drazzlin' wit ma baes"

thraxx

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "Dad, it's me I've got something for you..."

J. R. Hartley - "..."

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "I think you'll like it Dad, it's a copy of your book on fishing".

J. R. Hartley - "...."

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "Dad?  Dad?!".

J. R. Hartley - "...."

J. R. Hartley's daughter's husband - "Look hen, I don't think he can hear you...
the medicines are very strong..."

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "I really thought that this would reach him".

J. R. Hartley's daughter's husband - "You had to try, look maybe we should go, coming here just upsets you.  You know, your father, he's very old..."

J. R. Hartley - "...."

J. R. Hartley's daughter - "Oh Dad?  Dad?! Please... Pleeeease".

J. R. Hartley - "...."

Glebe

J.R. HARTLEY: Hello? Skype?

*daughter holds up a card reading 'TURN THE MICROPHONE ON.'*

BlodwynPig

You do realise his daughter is in her 80s now

Spoon of Ploff

J.R. HARTLEY: "Hey Siri, find Fly Fishing by J. R. Hartley?"

SIRI: "This again? Really?"

Glebe


BlodwynPig