Have you ever had a "road confrontation"?

[madhair60]

With a cyclist, driver, pedestrian? Had a tit-a-tit? What happened? Was there punching? Kicking? Just normal shouting?

[Captain Crunch]

I did a drive-by shouting on a cyclist who had three, THREE strobe lights on the go, fucking nob.  And he was old enough to know better.   

[Sin Agog]

Don't drive so the worst I've had is the mayor of the shitty seaside town I grew up in impressing the suits around him by literally picking my child self and my child bike up off the pavement and throwing me onto the road.

Have seen a few harrowing things, though. Worst being the lovely fruit-and-veg shop guy, Magdie, who'd always give my mum and little sister extra oranges, accidentally opening his car door onto a cyclist, who proceeded to punch him in the face, killing him on the spot.  My mum and sister have since developed scurvy.

[RedRevolver]

Well, yes. I'm not sure you can grow up in London and not.

Most memorable and recent was when a prick on a moped illegally crossed a zebra crossing whilst I was using it in my

pedestrian form
and so I shouted at him that he was a dickhead (he was, there's few rights anything in

pedestrian form
gets, so respect the Highway Code and the fact it's an actual legal offence to use a zebra crossing whilst it's in use). Anyway, he then proceeded to stop in the middle of the road to look back at me and shake his head like I was the prick. It annoyed me further that this was a very common practice on that road, where the zebra crossing was outside the entrance of a school too.

I don't know, I really feel like the best solution is welcoming a mass extinction event with open arms.

[Lord Mandrake]

I kicked a lad of about 15/16 off his bike and then threw it over a wall because he very narrowly avoided permanently injuring my youngest. 

[BlodwynPig]

A guy was parked at a bus stop with his engine on and noxious fumes coming out of the exhaust. A young Chinese student (idiotically or naively) continued to stand next to the vehicle and began coughing and wheezing. I went over to the car and asked the driver to either move on or turn off the engine. He just looked straight ahead and said no. So I attacked his car, elbow to the window, kicks to the wheels. The car won, but I had the last laugh as the a 18 wheeler ploughed into the car and killed the driver immediately.

[Icehaven]

I take issue with pavement cyclists all the time, refuse to move out the way for them, generally being pissy with them and issuing a good verbal bashing if they're riding fast. It's surprising how many have the brass neck to look butthurt or even try and argue their case but mostly they just carry on, not giving a shit. My favourite was the woman who went straight through a red light at a crossing and up the dropped kerb onto the pavement right in front of me, then when I started yelling at her tried to shout back over her shoulder how she'd just been 'nearly wiped out' further down the road to justify nearly doing the same to me. She still didn't stop though, hope someone did wipe her out. 

[Buelligan]

Followed a few home and explained mirror-use to them.

More recently, did a massive wanking mime at five or six Ferrari drivers (in a line) who were honking and so on.  I bet they only wanted a shy smile and a blush.

[Cuellar]

Loads mate, loads. If you really want to kick off with someone you can find several on any commute. Cars not indicating when turning is a good one, cars pulling out without looking is another one, pedestrians getting annoyed that you're cycling on the road that they're walking down the middle of for some reason.

Had a good one with a gammony chap in a gilet: I was indicating to go right at a roundabout, he's approaching from my left. Now, as you and I know you give way to the right on roundabouts, but this tosser looked straight into my eyes, sort of half-stopped then just thought 'fuck it' and started crossing. Then the dozy sod drives right down a dead end (ha ha I've got him now), so I pull alongside and have it out with him. Lots of back and forth and I had a very heavy bike lock just slung over my handlebars, so if the pink trousered prick had wanted to kick off I would have stoved his head in (he was only about mid-40s, so I wasn't threatening an old man I'd just like to make clear).

I think it ended with me calling him a cunt. Did the customary check of his number plate to see if his car was untaxed/un MOTed, but no dice sadly. Oh well, next time!

I hate using roads, and I hate road users.

[madhair60]

Followed a few home and explained mirror-use to them.

I did this once and it turned out to be a vampire. Egg, face.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I confronted the road pretty hard when I tried to stand up going down hill on a fixed gear.

[Buelligan]

I did this once and it turned out to be a vampire. Egg, face.

Heheh, well, news is I'm a fucking vampire too. 

Me and my bro decided we were worse than our worst nightmares when we were young teens, the sky and our faces, had bruised, night fallen and we were forced to camp.  It's stood us both in good stead these many long years of doing exactly what we liked and bugger the consequences.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Followed a few home and explained mirror-use to them.

More recently, did a massive wanking mime at five or six Ferrari drivers (in a line) who were honking and so on.  I bet they only wanted a shy smile and my bush.

FTFY.

[phes]

I lost my patience with cars idling across red traffic lights on Cardigan Road, Leeds when loads of students, parents and kids were regularly forced to cross in between them. So I smashed my bag of glass recycling across the rear light of a white van as I was crossing. Pretty embarrassed by that stupid action to this day, but it utterly boils my piss that we know this unnecessary stuff results in accidents but just let it happen all the time

Not really a confrontation that. Just me smashing someones property

[jake thunder]

Cycling on the pavement is perfectly fine if you go slow. Cycling on the road is insane and you will die.

[king_tubby]

I lost my patience with cars idling across red traffic lights on Cardigan Road, Leeds when loads of students, parents and kids were regularly forced to cross in between them. So I smashed my bag of glass recycling across the rear light of a white van as I was crossing. Pretty embarrassed by that stupid action to this day, but it utterly boils my piss that we know this unnecessary stuff results in accidents but just let it happen all the time

Not really a confrontation that. Just me smashing someones property

The crossing by the Co-op?

[phes]

YES FFS

SORRY ABOUT YOUR VAN

[Sin Agog]

Cycling on the pavement is perfectly fine if you go slow. Cycling on the road is insane and you will die.

I cycle on the road, but there are those sketchy moments every ride:- like every time you have to look behind you to make a turn into a different lane, throwing off your straight line and leaving you open to fuck knows what in front of you.  Even worse when you're doing it uphill.  Can't blame anyone for pussying out from riding centimetres away from these stampeding metal elephants, every one of which hates your guts.

[king_tubby]

YES FFS

SORRY ABOUT YOUR VAN

Nah, fair play, everyone drives like a cunt round there.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Maybe Phes was apologising to that lovely supergroup comprising Franz Ferdinanand and the Brothers Mael for knacking their tour van. Might have been racked with guilt ever since doing it.

[Cloud]

Who hasn't?

Good one I had was Asda car park, I'm going along looking for a space, spot one, start to pull in.  Horn blasted in my ear as someone decides at the same time that she wants to overtake me (5mph not good enough and all that) in a car park full of meandering kids and elderly people, and stops as I pull in to kick off at me for not indicating to pull into a space.  Sorry but whilst there's some culpability on my part in that an indication would be helpful and with everything going on it was neglected, I don't generally expect people to fly past on the 'outside' in a busy narrow one way stretch of a fucking car park.  Use your head, if you're in a car park chances are people in front of you are going to park their cars when they see a gap.

Most of the time I just get gestures when someone decides they should have priority in those "narrow road with cars parked both sides" situations when I've already started coming through before they've got near to the approach at their end (no one has priority in this situation, but it's generally accepted as common sense that you give way if the oncoming driver got there first and has already started making their way through).   Then I reach the end and look to give the thanks wave and am met with flying arms.  Or worse, they start coming through when I'm 3/4s of the way and expect me to reverse.

If it's not to unacceptable to make gender observations, it seems to be mostly blokes who are the dickheads down south as often filmed in dashcam compilations, whilst up our way it's usually the women who are the most aggressive (especially if in a 4x4)

[Lord Mandrake]

I confronted an actual road once (tarmac) with my head poking out from under a red ford fiesta (1986) looking up at the grill thinking I was for the journey.

[Norton Canes]

Last one was in Booths carpark, not technically the public highway but car-based. Properly bawled out a guy who'd pulled out in front of me (missus) at the nearby junction and when I'd done venting my spleen he was just all sorry mate, that was my fault not looking, and I felt really guilty. 

[seepage]

mrs seepage believes all other road users are completely deaf and, oddly, also unable to lip-read, so it's a good job at least she doesn't drive anymore.

[Icehaven]

Can't blame anyone for pussying out from riding centimetres away from these stampeding metal elephants, every one of which hates your guts.

This is also how pedestrians feel about a lot of cyclists. Considerate and slow ones are fair enough I suppose, but you seem to be few and far between and must constantly be being overtaken by some honking cunt who thinks it's alright to fly at people standing at bus stops as if they should leap out of the way for them. 

[Cuellar]

A young bell cycled fast towards me on a pavement the other day and I held my nerve, causing him to slow down/swerve at the last minute. He said something and looked round so I told him to 'cycle on the road you cunt'.

He can't have been more than 15. I felt like a powerful and important man.

[Bronzy]

Followed a few home and explained mirror-use to them.

More recently, did a massive wanking mime at five or six Ferrari drivers (in a line) who were honking and so on.  I bet they only wanted a shy smile and a blush.

Remember to look angry or pissed off when you do the wanking mime, if you look too quizzical or happy they think you're offering them a handjob.

God knows how many times I've made that mistake.

[kittens]

what a fucking thrill i get when using the cyclepath and i am allowed to ding my bell at lousy little pedestrians. fills my bones with joy to see them crawl out of my way. goodbye peon, daddy's coming through.

[Sin Agog]

[kittens]

see, no one in daddy's way