Advice re: sexual assault (seriously - trigger warning. it's not nice)

[badIdea2]

This has knocked me for six a bit but it's a serious post. Apologies for being a downer. This is not going to be a fun thread.

I know that some people on here deal with or have dealt with this kind of thing or have contact with people who do.

I was talking to a friend who just told me she  was effectively raped the other night by her absentee father. I am not going into any more detail about it as don't want it coming up on google searches but that's the only summary that's really needed.

It wasn't physically brutal and she's oddly calm about it but it's going round and round her head and she blames herself (and all those things that people do).

I have given her my half-arsed advice about coping but stressed that it needs a professional really. If I can at least give her the names or numbers of some orgs she can get in touch with - if I can persuade her - that would be great.

I know I can google these things but CaB has a surprising amount of expertise with these less than pleasant things and I would value it.

PM is fine if it's more appropriate.

Thanks all.

[Fonz]

Police...

Accompany her for support if possible.

[Janie Jones]

I don't buy this. OP has made 5 posts, all about sex or porn. I think he's hoping to get juicy incest stories he can wank over. There are hundreds of more appropriate ways to get support for his friend, in the unlikely event this is real, than post on a comedy forum he hardly uses.

Please think carefully about replying to this thread.

[Twed]

That's not fair. The poster mentions being connected to sex workers in their post history. It's hardly incongruous that they would know somebody vulnerable to sexual abuse.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Is this really the best place to come asking for advice on this matter, though? That was my immediate first thought upon reading this thread, as it would be for many others of you lot. I share JJ' s reservations.

[Twed]

Personally I am not worried about optimising their support network choices.

[badIdea2]

That's not fair. The poster mentions being connected to sex workers in their post history. It's hardly incongruous that they would know somebody vulnerable to sexual abuse.

Thanks Twed. Sorry if I have misjudged this. Have been a long term reader and follower of the site and appreciate the community and how diverse it is. That's what made me post here because it really has caught me out.

Did think JJ would have some advice based on her previous posts / occupation.

She won't go to the police.

Will ask Barry to lock thread. Sorry all.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Start off with a few bad pun posts or [tag]tag[/tag]'s before you plough into the sexual assault ones. It'll help put us at ease, or at least lure us into a false sense of security.

[badIdea2]

Last word from me on this - have asked Barry to lock the thread.

I posted in good faith as this place is usually very supportive and has a lot of experience together. Can maybe see why it could be seen as a trolling thread but it isn't.

If anyone wants to PM a number and name of an organisation they would recommend feel free I would appreciate it. Don't think I can get any wank material out of that so should be safe enough.

[Sin Agog]

CAB has (sadly) had more than its fair share of abuse threads.  They're hard not to notice, really.

Don't think I'm qualified to even try to answer this one.  Maybe just don't take any action, make any contact with anyone, without talking to your friend about it first.  She might not be ready for that level of disclosure just yet.  But definitely keep on encouraging her to talk to someone whenever you can.  Seems promising that she talked about it openly with you so quickly.

[Buelligan]

I share JJ' s reservations.

Me too.

[Twed]

Me too.

is a movement built around the idea of having open conversations about sexual abuse.

[Cerys]

Maybe just don't take any action, make any contact with anyone, without talking to your friend about it first.  She might not be ready for that level of disclosure just yet.

This.  Whatever happens must be her own choice.  As long as you offer suggestions and are prepared to listen, that may be the best you can really do at this stage.  Be a shoulder rather than a motivator.

[chveik]

is a movement built around the idea of having open conversations about sexual abuse.

indeed. these reactions are pretty depressing.

[Buelligan]

is a movement built around the idea of having open conversations about sexual abuse.

All well and good.  Enabling someone to use abuse, presumably attempting to elicit genuine stories of actual abuse to wank themselves off to, is not what I call open.  Mainly because it's not honest.

[rue the polywhirl]

I share JJ and Buelligan's reservations.

#Me3

[Twed]

This is one of those times where it's best to just leave you alone to continue exposing yourself. You don't deserve drama.

A milestone in CaB bigotry in this thread.

https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=me%20too%20not%20believing

[Danger Man]

.

[Sin Agog]

Repeatedly accusing a person most likely just looking to help their friend of getting off on tales of abuse could be dangerous if you're wrong. Maybe when you're knee-deep in the mud of this place it's hard to notice, but CAB's got form when it comes to people starting threads saying they're suicidal, or dangerously depressed, or their friends/family are in dire straits give me advice.  Happens every week. Lurkers (or mostly lurkers) could easily see General as the right place to voice this kind of thing.  Weird though it might be to think about, they often have just as rich a relationship with this joint as anyone else.

I also know that some of you know way more about this subject than I do.  Just saying...maybe don't belabour the point on the chance that you might be wrong.

[Ray Travez]

My first concern would be to make sure that she is safe from him in any future encounter, or more accurately, to avoid future encounters with him. It's not something that can be properly dealt with without being safe from him in the present. I'm not sure how one would do that without involving the police. For me, immediate safety would be the first concern.

[a duncandisorderly]

.

seconded.

[QDRPHNC]

This is one of those times where it's best to just leave you alone to continue exposing yourself. You don't deserve drama.

A milestone in CaB bigotry in this thread.

https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=me%20too%20not%20believing

Oh please.

[jobotic]

Swe what some of you mean but OP hasn't asked us to share stories of sexual assault have they? Just advice on where to go.

[Cloud]

Can't really offer any advice, but sorry to see you didn't get the support you were after.  They're a cynical lot on here as you'd probably know from lurking, but must admit the reaction surprised even me.  Try an "Ask Reddit" or something maybe?

[RedRevolver]

Swe what some of you mean but OP hasn't asked us to share stories of sexual assault have they? Just advice on where to go.

Exactly. Some of the responses here have been jaw-dropping.

https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/rape-and-sexual-assault/ is a very, very thorough advice site and provides (I think) far more than any member here can tailor to you.

[Space ghost]

Jesus

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Exactly. Some of the responses here have been jaw-dropping.

https://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/rape-and-sexual-assault/ is a very, very thorough advice site and provides (I think) far more than any member here can tailor to you.

OP could have found that place without having to come to a cynical comedy website. Soz, but am not being cowed

[rue the polywhirl]

The only thing that is 'jaw-dropping' in this thread is that someone has used the expression 'knocked me for six' in any context and is being treated with all seriousness.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

" Raped by her dastardly dad! Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather! "

[Kelvin]

" Raped by her dastardly dad! Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather! "

This is absolutely the correct way of handling a topic that has a chance of being true.