Tory leadership contest?

[Replies From View]

But isn't it amusing that if you only have space for three things on a pledge card, you would cite defeating an irrelevant non-opponent as one of them?

Exactly.  They may as well have put "Get into Number 10!" as one of the three pledges.

If nothing else it highlights the emptiness of the Boris Johnson project for anyone who isn't a billionaire.

[Alberon]

Johnson managed to stitch himself up like a kipper yesterday.

Speaking during the final hustings of the Conservative party's leadership contest on Wednesday night, Johnson held aloft a plastic-wrapped kipper that had come from a fish smoker on the Isle of Man, who he said was "utterly furious".

"After decades of sending them through the post like this he has had his costs massively increased by Brussels bureaucrats who are insisting that each kipper must be accompanied by a plastic ice pillow," said the MP, who added that it had been presented to him by the editor of a national newspaper.

"Pointless, pointless, expensive, environmentally damaging 'elf and safety'," Johnson added.

However, the European commission hit back against the claims on Thursday, pointing to British government advice, which stresses that foods that need refrigerating must be kept cool while they are being transported – potentially packed in an insulated box with a coolant gel or in a coolbag.

Yep, the twat was railing against a British rule not an EU one. I don't know which newspaper editor gave him the killer but he fucked over Johnson. But then again the moronic arsehole should check his facts before vomiting them out on camera.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Are we really still saying "Elf and Safety"?!

Why drag Will Ferrell into this?

[The Culture Bunker]

I don't know which newspaper editor gave him the killer but he fucked over Johnson.

He really hasn't - people have swallowed this kind of "EU madness" crap for years, regardless of the reality.

[Cuellar]

Yeah, no one will care.

[Zetetic]

He really hasn't - people have swallowed this kind of "EU madness" crap for years, regardless of the reality.

I'm increasingly convinced that saying that something deliberately incorrect but very slightly difficult to explain is a deliberate tactic.

It earns you a lot more repetition and regurgitation than simply saying something that's correct.

(And on certain topics, has the advantage that you can say something a lot more emotive. Discussing any of the actual problems with the CFP - and why we've not solved them and why it will be difficult to solve them outside of the EU - isn't that interesting.)

[The Culture Bunker]

I'm increasingly convinced that saying that something deliberately incorrect but very slightly difficult to explain is a deliberate tactic.

It earns you a lot more repetition and regurgitation than simply saying something that's correct.

(And on certain topics, has the advantage that you can say something a lot more emotive. Discussing any of the actual problems with the CFP - and why we've not solved them and why it will be difficult to solve them outside of the EU - isn't that interesting.)

After years (decades?) of the likes of Littlejohn banging on about the EU banning bendy bananas or saying you can't call a Cumberland sausage a Cumberland sausage anymore, stuff like what Johnson said today seems totally plausible. I'd imagine if you tried to explain the actual laws to someone who'd bought into it, they'd reply that you were a EU stooge or such.

Discussing the actual issues with being in the EU, the downsides, isn't possible because (in my view) as a nation we're not mature enough to deal with actual adult talk. Instead, we hear one of our betters bleh on about 'elf and safety' and clap like seals.

[Dr Rock]

I was surprised that anyone was sending fish through the post.

[Ferris]

I'm increasingly convinced that saying that something deliberately incorrect but very slightly difficult to explain is a deliberate tactic.

It happens in (quasi hostile) contract negotiations a lot. If a price is $11 and something will be delivered in 3 days, you say you can't believe that this will cost $13 and won't be here for 4 days.

Your side know you've exaggerated misremembered the facts, the operations side of the service provider know you've exaggerated misremembered the facts also, but the big bosses listening in think the cost is outrageous and will force renegotiations. If the service provider pipes up, the big bosses will be so affronted at being informed they are incorrect (and the correction is so minor as to hardly be worth mentioning!) then they end up looking petty.

I've been in the room as this happens.

[ZoyzaSorris]

You can't even send rotting flesh through the post any more, stew.

[olliebean]

Johnson managed to stitch himself up like a kipper yesterday.

Yep, the twat was railing against a British rule not an EU one. I don't know which newspaper editor gave him the killer but he fucked over Johnson. But then again the moronic arsehole should check his facts before vomiting them out on camera.

Steve Barclay was on Brexitcast today claiming this was fine because Johnson was just using it as an illustration of the sort of pointless and expensive rules the EU imposes loads of, that we'll be able to get rid of after Brexit. But that's the whole point, isn't it? If there were loads of these pointless rules, he'd have easily been able to give an example of a real one. Every time a Brexiteer rubbishes some EU rule or other, it turns out it doesn't exist. Johnson in particular should (and doubtless does) know better, as he seems to have invented most of them.

Not to mention this particular one - aside from not being an EU rule - is definitely not a pointless rule; if kippers aren't kept on ice they're susceptible to listeria. Which I daresay will go well with the campylobacter in the chlorinated chicken Johnson is so keen to have us import from America.

[Jittlebags]

I was surprised that anyone was sending fish through the post.

I've had a consignment of Craster Kippers sent through the post. And excellent they were. I had them grilled, jugged and turned into pate.

I imagine if they weren't in a cool wrapping at the behest of either the UK or EU, I'd have been shitting through the eye of a needle for a week.

Not tried a Bloater or an Arbroath Smokie yet.

[Replies From View]

I'd have been shitting through the eye of a needle for a week.

Yet another absurd EU directive no doubt.


If I want to do it for more than one week then I will.  Fuck the rules.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Oh no on the news it says both candidates died overnight of bad glands.

[Cerys]

[Head Gardener]

[Dr Rock]

I just had a dream about Boris Johnson. He was walking past my old house in Camden (where all of my dreams are set for some reason) and I followed behind him, hurling abuse. 'You white-haired CUNT!' You Fucking Rotter!' etc. He looked bemused. I went back inside then checked to see if he was still hanging around, and he had climbed up a lamp post and was sitting atop it.

I took a couple of photos with the aim of selling them to the papers, but was interrupted by my an old girlfriend who said some mean things to me out of the blue. I let it go, as I was eager to sell my photos for thousand of pounds to the tabloids.

What does it mean?

[Replies From View]

It means you don't give your old girlfriends enough attention.

[gib]

Him climbing the lamp 'post' represents his ascent to the 'post' of PM. You're welcome.

[Dr Rock]

In the dream I asked my skeptical then-gf how much she thought such a photo would be worth. She said £5000. I said more like £50 000. Who was right? Maybe somewhere in the middle? My thinking was that it would show Johnson to be so weird it would fuck his career, would it? Thanks!

[BlodwynPig]

I just had a dream about Boris Johnson. He was walking past my old house in Camden (where all of my dreams are set for some reason) and I followed behind him, hurling abuse. 'You white-haired CUNT!' You Fucking Rotter!' etc. He looked bemused. I went back inside then checked to see if he was still hanging around, and he had climbed up a lamp post and was sitting atop it.

I took a couple of photos with the aim of selling them to the papers, but was interrupted by my an old girlfriend who said some mean things to me out of the blue. I let it go, as I was eager to sell my photos for thousand of pounds to the tabloids.

What does it mean?

Fuck me, i was just about to write about my Boris dream that i had last night when i read your words. Spooky. In mine, he was driving a catamaran down a large river in a vast byzantine city and giving me a Buzby spiel about its capabilities. I told my mum not to judge him so harshly as we plunged under water.

[Cerys]

I just had a dream about Boris Johnson. He was walking past my old house in Camden (where all of my dreams are set for some reason) and I followed behind him, hurling abuse. 'You white-haired CUNT!' You Fucking Rotter!' etc. He looked bemused. I went back inside then checked to see if he was still hanging around, and he had climbed up a lamp post and was sitting atop it.

I took a couple of photos with the aim of selling them to the papers, but was interrupted by my an old girlfriend who said some mean things to me out of the blue. I let it go, as I was eager to sell my photos for thousand of pounds to the tabloids.

What does it mean?

Climb a post, did he?  A tall vertical post, hmmm?  A proudly erect post, with him sitting firmly atop?  I think you know what that dream means.  I really think you do.

[jobotic]

I had a dream that a naked and heavily uber-lubed Jacob Rees-Mogg was desperately trying to pole vault into my open bedroom window but whenever the pole reached it's maximum height it would stop and he would slowly slide down it, whilst desperately trying to pull himself up, so that his hands would slide frantically and ever faster up and down the pole. Then he'd reach the bottom and the pole would fall to the ground, seemingly reducing in size as it did. Then he would start all over again with a freshly enlarged pole.

Any help with this one?

[Replies From View]

I had a dream that a naked and heavily uber-lubed Jacob Rees-Mogg was desperately trying to pole vault into my open bedroom window but whenever the pole reached it's maximum height it would stop and he would slowly slide down it, whilst desperately trying to pull himself up, so that his hands would slide frantically and ever faster up and down the pole. Then he'd reach the bottom and the pole would fall to the ground, seemingly reducing in size as it did. Then he would start all over again with a freshly enlarged pole.

Any help with this one?

Yep.  The pole was a broom handle and the dream was referencing your favourite song 'broom broom broom, I wantcha in ma room' because you want Rees-Mogg in your room.

[BlodwynPig]

Possible wanking dream? Dunno

[gib]

In the dream I asked my skeptical then-gf how much she thought such a photo would be worth. She said £5000. I said more like £50 000. Who was right? Maybe somewhere in the middle? My thinking was that it would show Johnson to be so weird it would fuck his career, would it? Thanks!

Much less. It's Camden, there would be dozens of people filming it.

[Replies From View]

Much less. It's Camden, there would be dozens of people filming it.

Only if they were there to do so.  And I reckon they weren't.

[sponk]

Much less. It's Camden, there would be dozens of people filming it.

Like a den of cams? Didn't know that's why it was so called

[Konki]

I had a dream that a naked and heavily uber-lubed Jacob Rees-Mogg was desperately trying to pole vault into my open bedroom window...

[tag]MARTIN LUTHER KING CONSIDERS A REWRITE[/tag]

[bomb_dog]

Don't think this has been posted - from this weeks popbitch newsletter:

> Wire framed <<
The dangling conversation

This time next week, it is highly likely that Boris Johnson will be Prime Minister of the UK – even after his prediction that nobody would ever "elect a prat who gets stuck on a zipwire".

One of our readers went on that same zipwire the day after that little photo opportunity. In the course of making small talk while she was being fastened into her harness, our reader made a passing joke to the two operators that she hoped she wouldn't get stuck like Boris had – which caused the operators to roll their eyes.

They then explained that if Johnson really had got 'accidentally' stuck, then they would have had to shut the ride down immediately as it wouldn't have been safe. Confused, she asked why it had happened if it wasn't an accident, and they told her "because he asked us to do it".

She didn't get a chance to ask if it was Boris or someone from Boris's team who made the request before her descent – but she made it down the line without getting left to dangle. As did everybody else that day.