Brexit Thread Seven: More of this shit

[Paul Calf]

There really is very little that's more grating than a corporate marketing department trying to be funny:

Email from Revolut, a fintech company specialising in consumer banking:

Hi xxxxxx

You're probably Reesly sick of hearing about Brexit by now. We understand. It's all very Merkely and confusing.

We're sorry to Boris you with more Brexit stuff, but please don't send this email to your Juncker folder. We have an important message you May want to hear.

For now, all our politicians have stopped having a Barnier about what deal to sign. This is good news. It means that you'll stay as part of our UK entity for the foreseeable future, and that you don't need to do anything on your side for now. There's a Chancellor this will change in the future, but we will keep you up to date as developments continue.

We suggest that you celebrate by using your Revolut card to go out and buy a sweet treat. Maybe a strawberry Macron.

Fuck off.

[Howj Begg]

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/apr/15/dangerous-products-could-swamp-uk-after-brexit-warns-which

Dangerous cars, electrical goods and toys could flood into the UK after Brexit unless the government urgently reforms the current "failing" safety enforcement system, a consumer group warned on Monday.

Which? says the public will be vulnerable to delays in spotting and dealing with unsafe products unless continued access to the European Safety Gate system is negotiated.

Its new analysis shows the scheme, under which 31 European countries alert each other to products with serious safety problems, issued 34% more notifications in 2018 than a decade ago.

In recent months, alerts have included a toxic children's putty that could damage youngsters' reproductive systems, and clothing which posed a strangulation risk.

Recall notices have also appeared for fire-risk HP laptop batteries, explosive Honda airbags and a flammable children's Star Wars Stormtrooper outfit.

Tangential and interesting fact: who set up Which? magazine? It was Michael Young, Toby Young's da. Little did he know his son would be doing his utmost to roll back all the protections he himself fought for.

[Buelligan]

A salient reminder that sometimes a wank is better than a fuck.  And if you must have a fuck, for goodness' sake, do not roll back the protection.


_{Shameful waste of a spermatozoon}

[Howj Begg]

Would prefer to see him with, at the very least, the protection of a clear vinyl rain mac, there. 

[Buelligan]

Ideally one of those ones that zips right up over the face.

All joking aside, Britain may be awash with unwanted tobies if shonky johnnies are permitted to flood that once proud nation.  Something else to worry about.

[Paul Calf]

Ideally one of those ones that zips right up over the face.

All joking aside, Britain may be awash with unwanted tobies if shonky johnnies are permitted to flood that once proud nation.  Something else to worry about.

If?

[Buelligan]

Kipling's Britain with a cherry on top.

[Cloud]

Well he does make exceedingly good cakes

[royce coolidge]

Never thought a lot of them,overly sweet yet bland.

[Phil_A]

A salient reminder that sometimes a wank is better than a fuck.  And if you must have a fuck, for goodness' sake, do not roll back the protection.


_{Shameful waste of a spermatozoon}

Jesus. That limp excuse for musculature clinging to a shrivelled husk of a chest, like parasitic vines wrapped round a dead tree. Turns your stomach, doesn't it?

[buttgammon]

A sobering thought indeed. I never thought about Toby Young having parents, especially not presumably decent ones. That idea alone is enough to make a lot of people pledge never to procreate.

[Replies From View]

For a while I thought you were talking about the actor Toby Jones.

I'm glad you're not.

[BlodwynPig]

Was he once a comedian who had a schism?

[Howj Begg]

A sobering thought indeed. I never thought about Toby Young having parents, especially not presumably decent ones. That idea alone is enough to make a lot of people pledge never to procreate.

His dad wrote the 1945 Labour manifesto too!

[jobotic]

I think Toby will always be struggling with the fact that he is a pale shadow of his parents.

Mind you, so am I and I don't attend eugenics conferences and steal millions of pounds of taxpayers money through my boy Gove.

[Buelligan]

Could I just mention that all of my life, I have no idea at all why (I've never known a Toby), I have associated the name or word toby with a little brown fish or turd?  No one else I know or have ever known, has ever expressed this same opinion to me. 

Yes, completely true.


_{Horrible really, but they're like that}

Apologies in advance to any Tobys reading this.  No offence.

[jobotic]

I'm not a Toby but I recently became acquainted with one, who is a local Labour activist and also possibly the most handsome man I've ever met. I kind of opposite Toby Young really.

[Buelligan]

A polished toby then.

[Replies From View]

The real name for a Toby is "a Tobias".

[Neville Chamberlain]

I'm not a Toby but I recently became acquainted with one, who is a local Labour activist and also possibly the most handsome man I've ever met.

It was lovely to meet you, too, jobotic!

[Cold Meat Platter]

Could I just mention that all of my life, I have no idea at all why (I've never known a Toby), I have associated the name or word toby with a little brown fish or turd?  No one else I know or have ever known, has ever expressed this same opinion to me. 

Yes, completely true.


_{Horrible really, but they're like that}

Apologies in advance to any Tobys reading this.  No offence.

A Scots slang for a shit is a toly, which is similar. Toby the Toly.

[Buelligan]

This doesn't look good for the Tolpuddle Tobys.

[Fambo Number Mive]

The European Parliament has approved new EU rules to protect workers in the so-called "gig economy".

The law sets minimum rights and demands increased transparency for those in "on-demand" jobs, such as at Uber or Deliveroo.

It proposes more predictable hours and compensation for cancelled work, and an end to "abusive practices" around casual contracts.

Member states will now have at most three years to enforce the new rules.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-47947220

[Darles Chickens]

No reason why the UK couldn't introduce those rules after Brexit!!!!!

(etc)

[idunnosomename]

A sobering thought indeed. I never thought about Toby Young having parents, especially not presumably decent ones. That idea alone is enough to make a lot of people pledge never to procreate.

Toby Young's father coined the term "meritocracy", albeit originally in a pejorative manner referring to favouring those who are good at tests. Ironically then he made the phone call to get his son into Oxford despite him being as thick as mince.

[Johnny Yesno]

Toby Young's father coined the term "meritocracy", albeit originally in a pejorative manner referring to favouring those who are good at tests.

Not quite. He wasn't just criticising the idea of only rewarding merit but pointing out that being the offspring of a meritorious person, and the wealth and social advantage that that confers, means someone is more likely to become meritorious themselves. Over generations, this would just lead to another kind of aristocracy owning most of the nation's wealth.

Ironically then he made the phone call to get his son into Oxford despite him being as thick as mince.

A case in point. The meritorious making sure his offspring also becomes meritorious by furnishing him with 'proof'.

[Twed]

Not quite. He wasn't just criticising the idea of only rewarding merit but pointing out that being the offspring of a meritorious person, and the wealth and social advantage that that confers, means someone is more likely to become meritorious themselves.

That makes Toby Young the most ironic man alive.

[Johnny Yesno]

That makes Toby Young the most ironic man alive.

Ironically, he's too stupid to realise it.

[BlodwynPig]

Therapy session 101:

"I want you to picture Toby Young's sweaty perineum as he slips under silk sheets after showerless ablutions"

"Now I want you to imagine his impish grimace as he reaches vinegar strokes whilst Fleabag plays on the hotel TV in the background"

"Finally, he rises from the bed and puts on a mid-price jacket and slacks, slips on some laceless hush puppies (no socks) and comes downstairs to join you at the bar"

"What is your reaction?"

[Johnny Yesno]

"What is your reaction?"

'What on earth are you on about, Blodders?'