Your Brexit demands

[Urinal Cake]

You are the EU, May wants indefinite delay.  Realising May has no political will or force what do you demand May do? I would demand she:
1. Stop British Bake-Off.
2. Return the Elgin Marbles. Keep Prince Philip instead.
3. Stop Jack Whitehall, James Corden and Jonathan Pie from having careers. Deadly force if possible.
4. Make Dan Harmon the showrunner for Dr Who.
5. Make Tilda Swinton James Bond.

[Replies From View]

Make people in cinemas shut the fuck up.  Stop distracting me with the light on your phone, stop chatting with the fuckface next to you and stop guzzling snacks.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I would demand she collects 4,000 testes

[Replies From View]

I would demand she collects 4,000 testes

And plunges them into what.

[Bazooka]

Cocktail sausages and sausage rolls are given world heritage status.

[Dex Sawash]

10. Sex tape
11. Proper numbering scheme

[Viero_Berlotti]

Cheap booze and fags, legalise drugs. No one would give a shit if we were in the EU or not then.

[Hey, Punk!]

Ban Rick and Morty.

[idunnosomename]

give us a kiss

[Replies From View]

Prince William's Porn Stash to be displayed permanently in an especially preserved glass loft in Whitechapel.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Prince William's Porn Stash to be displayed permanently in an especially preserved glass loft in Whitechapel.

Why Whitechapel? What aren't you telling us!?

[Replies From View]

Why Whitechapel? What aren't you telling us!?

It's where Jack the Ripper hung out.

[seepage]

I want free brie

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Make all surviving members of the last version of The Fall  ( whilst reintroducing Elena Polou on keyboards) record a new album with Jodie Comer on lead vocals. Should include cover versions of the theme tune from " Brush Strokes" , " Ratfucker" by that bloke from the 70s who Julian Cope likes, can't be fucked to Google him, and an abrasive instrumental version of the theme from Spike Milligan's " Q " series. Album should be titled " Lisa's Lovely ". JC should get 'em out on the album  cover.

[Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle]

Revoke Mr Farage's passport.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Carry out research into the possibility of producing Mr. Kipling's French Fancies in a version what taste just as good as the originals, but can be scoffed by diabetic types.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Make Boris Johnson the permanent host of " Have I Got News For You ", except there are no other guests on the panel, it's just yer men Hislop and Merton, who will be contractually obliged to sit behind their desks, propping up their heads with one arm supporting their heads, elbow all on desk like, gazing at Johnson with undisguised loathing, punctuating their vituperative comments with long - suffering sighs and occasional comments of " Oh, for fuck's sake "  .No contemporary news shall be discussed at all, all the material shall be based on the horseshit columns that dear old Bo-Bo has written for " The Spectator", and all his media appearances, past, present and possibly future. All of Histo and Merto's comments shall just amount to calling Boris Johnson all the cunts under the sun, without even the slightest attempt to be witty ( they've got form in that last bit, so they should be alright there ). Every time BJ says something like " So, do you want to see this YouTube video which was quite popular about a fortnight ago, of this amusing thing ,more than likely involving a domesticated pet?" , the contractually obliged reply would be something along the lines of "Not particularly. We'd both like to see you die in agony, though ".

[Replies From View]

Make everyone who voted Leave somehow be happy that they got what they voted for so they don't keep calling Remain voters cunts.

[mojo filters]

Stop American media packaging brief compilations of the more archaic elements of our Parliamentary procedures to deliberately appear especially old-fashioned and arcane, then failing to understand the more complex dynamic than just the usual look at those dumb Brits who made one big mistake and are too busy fighting each other to fix it.

Or they could just quote Stewart Lee, who summed up leave voters both accurately and succinctly. CNN anchors will have more fun than the whole shithole-gate cycle, whilst Fox then gets to have fun at their expense.

[garnish]

Revoke Mr Farage's passport.

Grow up

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Grow up

I'm quite happy to amend the above post to " Introduce a law in which Nigel Farage has to shove his beloved passport right up his unpleasant right wing rectal passage. Would you like to tell me to grow up, too?  Fair Play, go ahead, you're a very confident young man.

[garnish]

People like you ruin politics for the rest of us