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C# job in Canada

Started by BlodwynPig, April 08, 2019, 07:57:53 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

BlodwynPig

Just been asked if I know anyone who would like to work as a programmer, developing ostensibly robust user interfaces for the process industry (water/wastewater). This could be a permanent or short-term contract.

Anyone looking to move away from Broken Britain to the sunny uplands of Southern Canada should drop me a line.

Cuellar

Yes please mate, don't know anything about C# but I reckon I could knock up something ostensibly robust but actually doesn't work at all.

Twed

Quote from: Cuellar on April 09, 2019, 08:11:44 PM
Yes please mate, don't know anything about C# but I reckon I could knock up something ostensibly robust but actually doesn't work at all.
Oh, you're a senior developer?

Consignia

Sounds like an architect to me.

Twed

Look at us Consignia, we're like a wry early 2000s tech-based webcomic.

Twed

And that's why we must die.

Consignia

Oh yeah, I'm thinking The Daily WTF's baffling Mandatory Fun Day:


Cuellar

Well I certainly said 'What the fuck'

Sebastian Cobb

Why do Java developers need glasses? Because they can't see sharp!

BlodwynPig

This is a genuine offer, here is the company

https://www.inctrl.ca

Squink

Is it pronounced 'C hashtag' or 'C pound'? Clearly I am well qualified for this gig.

BlodwynPig

sharp. other coding experience may be considered

if you are interested, please PM me

Dex Sawash


Canadian national anthem alternate opening lines /tag

Twed

If you do the job wrong all the slurry will be redirected to Ottawa! They won't drown, but they'll get shit cancer, from shit! Because of your bugs!

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on April 09, 2019, 09:08:40 PM
Why do Java developers need glasses? Because they can't see sharp!
And because they are dumb blind cunts

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Twed on April 10, 2019, 12:09:24 AM
If you do the job wrong all the slurry will be redirected to Ottawa! They won't drown, but they'll get shit cancer, from shit! Because of your bugs!
And because they are dumb blind cunts

You don't need any process knowledge, just designing a robust and operable user interface.

I'll pass your details on.

Twed

I'll make the shit go everywhere!

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Twed on April 10, 2019, 01:28:24 AM
I'll make the shit go everywhere!

It's not about moving shit around. Sewers generally do that. It's about monitoring and controlling water resource recovery facilities (the new name for wastewater treatment plants) using model based simulation of full-scale plants.

Twed

Yes but you don't seem to understand about the virus I would write that would infect the systems that squirt shit everywhere.

Twed

This interview is going well.

Ferris

I only do work in the key of G major, so it's a no from me. Sorry.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Twed on April 10, 2019, 01:33:23 AM
Yes but you don't seem to understand about the virus I would write that would infect the systems that squirt shit everywhere.

Not my company. Plus, viruses target the bacteria and the bacteria consume the shit, so there would be no squirting. Or do you mean computer virus? Either way, you won't have access to the data or the model. Just the front-end.

Twed


Twed

Evidence to show that I already have access to the data:

SHIT_COUNT: 4 SHITS
WEES: MANY
SMELL: TERRID

How would I know this if I wasn't already in the mainframe? The golden rain-frame.

Twed

Does the company have a benefits package?

BlodwynPig

Quote from: Twed on April 10, 2019, 02:18:11 AM
Does the company have a benefits package?

What kind of benefits are you looking at? You'll get to visit Connecticut a few times a year.

Twed

That's good as the job is further from Connecticut than where I currently live and also in a different country.

Bazooka

What is the dress ware code? I only code well wearing a black flame shirt and a plastic shark tooth necklace.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Twed on April 10, 2019, 02:16:09 AM
I AM THE DATA

Making shit-squirting viruses seems more like a Lore type trick, I reckon.

Cuellar

Here's a question - my job is 'Data Analyst', I have no quantifiable experience in anything scientific/statistical/codey beyond an A Level in Maths about 16 years ago. I have done degrees in Eng.Lit.

I did an SQL course (3 days worth) about 3 years ago, and have been googling everything else.

Have I bluffed my way into a dead end? All job adverts I see ask for degrees in maths/computer science/something numerate. Aside from doing another degree (obviously can't afford it), what the fuck do I do? Sack it all off and go back to...er...poetry?

ffs.

Sebastian Cobb

My experience with our data team is them demanding some sort of logs they shouldn't have or need (like the application logs) then asking us what they mean and what they can use them for and us going 'mate, isn't figuring that out your job?'.