Author Topic: Things guaranteed to make you abandon a podcast within the first five minutes  (Read 2364 times)

It almost made me want to start a thread for "Things guaranteed to make you abandon a podcast within the first five minutes".

Oh yes please. Could do with some advice before my super secret project. There was a New England Patriots feed where a new podcast got added, Pats Blitz I believe it is called. Sound quality when they talk is always awful. Why I went back to a recent episode I don't know but then on a three-way conversation; one guy gets up to leave the other two talk (most likely on Skype connections) and you can clearly him walking around the house; opening presses, pouring out cereal, going to the sink and all the usual kitchen routines. Probably more audible than any of the talking.

I also thought this was a good thread idea so I just went and did it.

Sin Agog

  • Dogs fucked the pope; no fault of mine
If there are multiple guys and a woman on google duty.

Two American chaps talking in a forced comical tone

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Squarespace is the ....

Two American chaps talking in a forced comical tone

It's worse if they spend ten minutes on some sarcastic riff. "Hey, so how have you been?" "Oh you know, killing alligators" "Ha, yeah. Killing alligators. That's your job right" "Yeah... I love it" etc.

For a non-film podcast; doing a Star Wars discussion from the off when it has nothing to do with the theme of the podcast. If it is a film podcast I will just fast forward to hopefully non Star-Wars bits.

Bad Ambassador

  • Sit down, Mario!
Spending half an hour reading out fan mail which consists of people parrotting your contrived catchphrases back at you. Eh, Kermode?

A recent How Did This Get Made was rendered unlistenable by the guests screaming stream-of-consciousness gibberish into the mikes almost from the start. I looked at the facebook feed and I was far from the only one.

Someone who's really unprepared and is clearly talking off the cuff in a halting, circular way can be very frustrating. The bloke from Serious Inquiries Only does this quite a lot.

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
I've never really got into 'podcasts' - apart from Athletico Mince.

They all seem so smug. Are they all unbearably smug? While repainting our house and then helping a friend repaint theirs, my co-painters insisted on listening to This American Life ceaselessly and I grew to despise Ira Glass and the whole 'podcast' way of talking.

Are there actually any good ones? I occasionally catch parts of a true crime UK one that my girlfriend listens to, and that just sounds like it's made by a nerd in a room so it's quite charming in its way.

I tried listening to I Only Listen To The Mountain Goats because I love The Mountain Goats, but I found the host to be terrible. Stilted questioning, forever interrupted by him plugging his myriad other podcasts (don't care mate, I'm here for John Darnielle, not you) and reading out advertising copy in a half-arsed sort of way.

I much prefer it when the hosts DON'T read out the adverts as if they care about/use whatever they're advertising.

Mister Six

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Spending half an hour reading out fan mail which consists of people parrotting your contrived catchphrases back at you. Eh, Kermode?

A recent How Did This Get Made was rendered unlistenable by the guests screaming stream-of-consciousness gibberish into the mikes almost from the start. I looked at the facebook feed and I was far from the only one.

Which guest and which episode?

machotrouts

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I tried listening to Chapo Trap House once and gave up after 10 minutes of them setting up their faltering Skype connections.

I haven't listened to enough podcasts to make any broad sweeping statements, but absolutely anything where people are talking online rather than just being in a room together is intolerable and must be extinguished. They could be the greatest friends in the world and it'd still sound stilted. I used to listen to Regular Features, which they generally get together to record, but there was one episode where they couldn't and did it through Skype instead, and it was suddenly absolutely unbearable. All timing and rapport out the window. I could FEEL the polite rictus.

Just get in the same room or don't bother. I don't care if you're not in the same city or country or whatever. Commute motherfuckers

SteveDave

  • My LPs are still for sale in all good record shops
Recording levels that mean listening outside with earbuds is impossible. I'm looking at your EggPod and Album To Album. If you've not got a fancy microphone just turn the gain up a bit or sutin. I'm in the red and it's basically someone whispering.

Bad Ambassador

  • Sit down, Mario!
Which guest and which episode?

The Snowman with Bryan Safi and Erin Gibson, the hosts of the presumably tortuous Throwing Shade.

Calling it 'cum town' is a good way to ensure I'll never listen to it.

One episode that's four minutes long.

Dex Sawash

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Talking

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
I'm going to release one that's just noises. Maybe the noises of my daily commute? Cars going past and so on, me occasionally swearing at a car/moron in the road, that sort of thing.

Any takers?

I tried listening to Chapo Trap House once and gave up after 10 minutes of them setting up their faltering Skype connections.

I met one of the guys who hosts this podcast through a completely unrelated thing a few years ago when I was living in the US. I could not believe what a fucking knob be was. He carried himself with such an air of superiority and he was quite rude to a waitress, so I was very surprised to find out later that he hosts a socialist podcast (at least that was how it was described to me, I've never listened.)

I suppose in America if you don't want to boil poor people's bones to make glue you're regarded as dangerously left wing. Regardless of his professed beliefs, he was an atrociously insufferable scrotum.

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Left wing and a twat? For sure is possible.

PlanktonSideburns

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I'm going to release one that's just noises. Maybe the noises of my daily commute? Cars going past and so on, me occasionally swearing at a car/moron in the road, that sort of thing.

Any takers?

Then in one ep you get kidnapped and it becomes some sort of ARG type of thing?

And the twist is its Richard Herring that's kidnapped you because he thinks you've nicked his idea of doing a podcast?

I'M IN

dr beat

  • You're dealing with loved ones, I won't have it
*Mark Sutherland leaves thread*

I don't switch off, but I always fast forward the first couple of minutes of Cum Town because it's usually Stav singing "Suck my dick because I'm gay." or singing something about him being bummed or bumming someone because he's gay.

those are the best bits

Z

  • The movie, not the TV series, or the book
If it's a videogame podcast, opening with a comedy sketch or an overeagerness to be funny usually means you're gonna be dealing with the most annoying nerds on earth.

Serious talk about Russia collusion stuff was a big one in early 2017

I met one of the guys who hosts this podcast through a completely unrelated thing a few years ago when I was living in the US. I could not believe what a fucking knob be was. He carried himself with such an air of superiority and he was quite rude to a waitress, so I was very surprised to find out later that he hosts a socialist podcast (at least that was how it was described to me, I've never listened.)

I suppose in America if you don't want to boil poor people's bones to make glue you're regarded as dangerously left wing. Regardless of his professed beliefs, he was an atrociously insufferable scrotum.

which one was it, spill the tea

Bennett Brauer

  • I'm not "likeable"
Hey, what's going on, it's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast, what's goin' on, how are ya? It's a special podcast today because I'm talking with one of the most awesome drummers on the planet...

When I instantly realize there are a bunch of in-jokes and fan-service that would require me to listen to several hours of previous podcasts in order to get on board.  Not that they're bad, I just can't be dealing with that.

I find Cum Town and Chapo Trap House insanely overrated.  I can't believe they're pulling in tens/hundreds of grand a month.  Even listening to highlights on YouTube is dull, and the audience remind me of the O&A or MDE audiences, despite their ostensible political persuasion.  I'd imagine there's a crossover.

FerriswheelBueller

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Poor sound quality and/or lack of intro music (which implies the output is of low effort).

No explanation of what’s going on at the start. You (the hosts) may know what this is like, but as a dispassionate listener, I’m not that arsed about who you are or what you’ve recorded. Sell it to me (or don’t), but don’t assume I’m going to stick around through 10 minutes of wacky shtick.

Shit jokes. Shit, “oh aren’t we random” jokes. But forced. You know the ones.

Wokeness for the sake of wokeness, or any unexplained reference to ethnicity/sexuality/gender usually makes me switch off and unsubscribe. I’m here to listen to you talk about [topic], not tediously re-digest the latest right-on diatribe you saw on twitter.

FerriswheelBueller

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  • Less tired. Still sorry if my posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Oh, and Iain MacIntosh.

Used to do the Guardian football podcast. I’d genuinely delete the episode as soon as his name was announced as being a guest. Can’t stand the man, and will expand upon my reasons if pushed.

which one was it, spill the tea

Gotta be Matt Christman.