Please supply me with extracts from reviews of my work for advertising purposes

[pancreas]

e.g. * * * * * "... startlingly fresh ... " Giles Coren, Times

[Cuellar]

*** "molten" Donna Tartt, New York Times

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**  Not everything in life absolutely needs to seep, The Radio Times

[BlodwynPig]

*** "...purposefully opaque..." The Sun

[rasta-spouse]

**** "like an elephant's hide with Tatler's little black book stapled to it in an, erm, insolvent Qatari fragrance mall..." Will Self, Guardian

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*** Like when Sweden switched from driving on the left side of the road to the right - Daily Express

[rasta-spouse]

** "...a suitable accompaniment to marinated prawns..." Cyril Connelly, DJing at Chinawhite Manchester

[Chollis]

*   "...the work of an unmitigated cunt" Stuart Heritage, Guardian

[Cuellar]

***** "...never a dull moment" Mark Francois, Hansard

** "...always a dull moment" Peter Beardsley, National Enquirer

[Spoon of Ploff]

* ".. forgot to carry the one on several occassions." Sheppey Gazette

[Lt. Organphalia]

*** ... a spirited attempt, but ultimately the bricks don't match the organ. Dave Lunge, Exchange & Mart.




Edit: Attribution

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**  Has drizzle in places - Nightclock Boomer

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***  An extra star for the vintage of Yellow Page used to prop the wobbly organ up - Nestle Sponsor

[Sebastian Cobb]

*** This geezer's work proper bollocked me nut in, in a good way. - Danny Dyer

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**  One of my testicles has definitely shrunk because of this.  It wasn't so shrunken this morning; I am sure of it - The Bath Chronicle

[Glebe]

"Moribund."

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*  Maudlin as all fuck  - The Metro

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*  The worst thing since a raped stepchild - Rolling Stone Magazine

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**  Quite awful.  I'm guessing the player's fingers are too wide for the keys.  - Record Collectors Monthly

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*  Couldn't be doing with this.  Like watching a bloated Andrew Lloyd Webber taking a red hot poker back up his anus.  - The Beatles Fan Club

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****  The best thing since a raped stepchild - Nintendo Power

[poo]

* Shit for cunts - Eurofruit

[Ferris]

"800 pounds or nearest offer - NO TIMEWASTERS"

- Dave M, Bridlingport; AutoTrader Direct.

[Alberon]

**** Absolute stone-cold, fucking cunt - Nanette Newman, Women's Weekly