Aquarium experiences

[Dr Sanchez]

I really got into owning fish about five years ago. Me and my girlfriend got this fairly big tank, filter, heater, lights and all that stuff.

We kind of got addicted to buying strange fish so we'd bugger off to this huge aquarium shop and buy at least one new fish a week. At one point we had about 15 fish, all different species. Little did we know that tropical fish are right little wankers. The bastards were constantly either bullying or being bullied. So it became like a wet Grange Hill. I had to google all the species and figure out which ones we had to get rid of. Turns out the brightest best looking ones have the biggest egos and can't live with other fish so we gave them away and were left with another 6 fish. We bought about six little tetra fish because they had a cool blue stripes glowing on them and left it at that.

Then one day my girlfriend said we should go to the aquarium place to see what new stuff they have. So we did, and she spots these baby cray fish which are basically small lobsters. She says we should get one because it would be "cool" I asked the shop assistant if it was safe and she assured me that as long as we fed the crayfish blood worms it'd be fine and leave the other fish alone.

We called it Bob. For the first few weeks it was minding it's own business, shed it's skin a few times and then I noticed it could glide quite terrifyingly around the tank. Slowly but really calm and considered. This prehistoric looking evil thing didn't sit well with me but my girlfriend liked it.

Then came the disappearances. All the tetras went overnight suddenly. We thought the water must have been bad, they fell to the bottom and Bob ate them. Bob was getting big. He started off about two inches long and now he was at least five inches and looked jacked.

We changed the water and went away for two days, leaving loads of food. We came back and every single fish was gone except Bob who was just finishing off the Angel Fish, which was the first fish we ever bought. I called the fish place and explained what happened. I was fuming, I followed their instructions and lost all my fish. The manager told me that he'd never recommend keeping crayfish with normal fish and that at night when it's dark crayfish come to life and hunt. He told me that the woman who advised me had since been sacked.

Put me off fish for life.

[MidnightShambler]

The idea of that woman, sitting at home wanking herself off thinking about your dead fish, makes my fucking blood boil, I can tell you.

Seriously though, I must be getting soft in my old age because I found that really sad. Poor things.

[Twed]

The idea of that woman, sitting at home wanking herself off thinking about your dead fish, makes my fucking blood boil, I can tell you.

Seriously though, I must be getting soft

So this isn't a moral objection, you're just jealous that you can't sustain an erection over it.

[Jittlebags]

Weren't horny fishermen supposed to have their way with skates, and that it was not legal (or decent practice) to return a whole skate to shore, which is why they lopped the wings off.

[Twed]

It's amazing to me that some men's idea of sex boils down to texture.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Apparently eels have teeth all the way inside them so if you put your hand or your dick in one it'd remove all the skin through a process called degloving.

[Twed]

Please don't associate Sebastian knowing this with the fact that his penis is degloved. His was degloved in a war.

[MidnightShambler]

So this isn't a moral objection, you're just jealous that you can't sustain an erection over it.

Ha! To be honest, achieving one would be a bonus these days, never mind sustaining it.

[MidnightShambler]

Apparently eels have teeth all the way inside them so if you put your hand or your dick in one it'd remove all the skin through a process called degloving.

My mate caught his finger in the pressure roller at work and had to have it degloved at the hospital. At least that's what he said, I'm starting to wonder now.

[Jittlebags]

Ah fuck. Don't google deglove.

[Dr Sanchez]

Seriously though, I must be getting soft in my old age because I found that really sad. Poor things.

It was sad as all fuckery. Not like losing a dog or cat but still upsetting.

I threw a blanket over the tank so I didn't have to see the murderous fishy Hannibal Lecter staring out at me with it's dead eyes.

I advertised it on Gumtree for free and a very strange Australian man who wore a trenchcoat took it off our hands. He probably had it for dinner. I hope he did anyway.

[Norton Canes]

Should I Google... reglove? 

[Twed]

That might be worse, because every page about regloving is definitely going to start off degloved.

[MidnightShambler]

Ah fuck. Don't google deglove.

My mate explained the process to me, I felt sick at the thought of it. You haven't watched a video of it have you?

[Icehaven]

I really got into owning fish about five years ago. Me and my girlfriend got this fairly big tank, filter, heater, lights and all that stuff.

We kind of got addicted to buying strange fish so we'd bugger off to this huge aquarium shop and buy at least one new fish a week. At one point we had about 15 fish, all different species. Little did we know that tropical fish are right little wankers. The bastards were constantly either bullying or being bullied. So it became like a wet Grange Hill. I had to google all the species and figure out which ones we had to get rid of. Turns out the brightest best looking ones have the biggest egos and can't live with other fish so we gave them away and were left with another 6 fish. We bought about six little tetra fish because they had a cool blue stripes glowing on them and left it at that.

Then one day my girlfriend said we should go to the aquarium place to see what new stuff they have. So we did, and she spots these baby cray fish which are basically small lobsters. She says we should get one because it would be "cool" I asked the shop assistant if it was safe and she assured me that as long as we fed the crayfish blood worms it'd be fine and leave the other fish alone.

We called it Bob. For the first few weeks it was minding it's own business, shed it's skin a few times and then I noticed it could glide quite terrifyingly around the tank. Slowly but really calm and considered. This prehistoric looking evil thing didn't sit well with me but my girlfriend liked it.

Then came the disappearances. All the tetras went overnight suddenly. We thought the water must have been bad, they fell to the bottom and Bob ate them. Bob was getting big. He started off about two inches long and now he was at least five inches and looked jacked.

We changed the water and went away for two days, leaving loads of food. We came back and every single fish was gone except Bob who was just finishing off the Angel Fish, which was the first fish we ever bought. I called the fish place and explained what happened. I was fuming, I followed their instructions and lost all my fish. The manager told me that he'd never recommend keeping crayfish with normal fish and that at night when it's dark crayfish come to life and hunt. He told me that the woman who advised me had since been sacked.

Put me off fish for life.

We're considering a tropical fish tank and have looked in a few places like Pets at Home and a place down the road, and they both have little advice cards on the various tanks of fish telling you what species they can be kept with so exactly these kind of mishaps don't happen. You went to a bad pet shop and I only hope they don't sell other animals and there's not some poor guinea pig out there shacked up with a bobcat.

[Twed]

If I ever join Tinder I'll make sure to add "gloved" to my description. You've got to stand out from the crowd, and I think people are looking for partners without raw genitals.

[Dr Sanchez]

We're considering a tropical fish tank and have looked in a few places like Pets at Home and a place down the road, and they both have little advice cards on the various tanks of fish telling you what species they can be kept with so exactly these kind of mishaps don't happen. You went to a bad pet shop and I only hope they don't sell other animals and there's not some poor guinea pig out there shacked up with a bobcat.

We were given bad advice at nearly every place we went to, including Pets At Home. One shop told is we could keep a Siamese fighting fish in our tank with normal fish, which is like advising putting a cat into a room with mice.

I enjoyed it for a while but the up keep gets very tedious and in reality you need a very big tank with a good filter to keep a decent amount of healthy fish.

I've got a cat now but she's out growing the tank so will need to upgrade soon.

[Jittlebags]

My mate explained the process to me, I felt sick at the thought of it. You haven't watched a video of it have you?

Nope. Image on default google search had me clicking back tout suite.

[Jittlebags]

Wonder if Game of Thrones have done a degloving yet?

[Twed]

My mate explained the process to me

"First, you take a seat in the waiting area of the degloving clinic. Then..."

[alan nagsworth]

If degloving freaks you out then you definitely shouldn't follow the Instagram @medicaltalks, as there's been plenty of it on there. I saw it inflicted on a dude's finger because he jumped over a fence and his wedding ring got snagged on something at the top. Hoooo boy.

[Jittlebags]

Apparently, sticking your membrum virile into a vacuum cleaner nozzle is a frequent cause of penile degloving.

In industrial scenarios, it appears that getting your fiveskin tangled in your grundies, whilst they get caught in a machine is a prime cause. Ironically, that means if you've gone for the elective partial degloving of circumscription, then that'll make it less likely that you end up with full degloving.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Apparently, sticking your membrum virile into a vacuum cleaner nozzle is a frequent cause of penile degloving.

Finally a possible use for that little window on the pipe you can use to reduce suction.

[Twed]

Imagine your glove flying out of that window and hitting you in the face. I feel like despite the pain and shock, anybody that happened to would calmly turn to face the camera and say "This is Brexit".

[Jittlebags]

I quite like the invertebrates section in aquariums. Apart for echinoderms obviously, the fivefold symmetrical cunts.