Tesco Clubcard Issues

[ComedyUnitInsider]

I am having some serious trouble with my brother.

He has completely misunderstood the nature of the Tesco Clubcard scheme. He thinks it's some kind of private members club. Not like a strippers or a shop in London that sells weed. More like The Reform Club or White's.

The root of his misconception is a leaflet he received in Penrith Tesco in 1995. It said "Your exclusive invitation". Naturally the invitation wasn't exclusive. It was given out quite indiscriminately.

He keeps flashing around his Tesco Clubcard like it's some kind of status symbol. He's asking if we can visit the "Tesco Clubhouse" in London, magnanimously offering to sign me in even though i'm not quite up to snuff for full membership.

When he gets his Tesco Clubcard vouchers in the post it's a real event for him. He'll occasionally stuff a £1 voucher in my top pocket like a tycoon tipping his valet, advising me "Don't spend it in one place...oh no wait, it's only valid in one place" before collapsing in fits of laughter.

He's a fucking bellend and I'm going to sharpen his Tesco Clubcard to a razor sharp edge in the hope that he castrates himself with it.

[willpurry]

He's a fucking bellend and I'm going to sharpen his Tesco Clubcard to a razor sharp edge in the hope that he castrates himself with it.

I would advise against that course of action, Sir.

[Glebe]

I find that woman are very impressed by the TCC (Tesco ClubCard). One flash of that and your well in, in my limited experience.