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March 28, 2024, 09:11:34 PM

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Attn: Glebe. Morbidly Obese Macaque. Calling Glebe to the thread.

Started by Captain Z, April 22, 2019, 09:33:14 PM

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Captain Z



"If I wasn't supposed to eat crisps, my mouth wouldn't have evolved to be this shape."

What's the story here then? 'Uncle Fatty', the distant relative that the rest would rather not speak about - or rather the macaque sheep of the family - has been forced to undergo a life-saving intervention. What started as simply gorging on leftovers given to him by tourists in Bangkok's Bang Khun Thian district, spiraled into a complex gangland operation involving robbery, extortion and enormous greed.



"In this country, you gotta make the monkey first. Then when you get the monkey, you get the power"



"Elevenses"

After a strict dieting program, Uncle Fatty's belly has been successfully downgraded from 'grotesquely enormous' to 'no longer drags along the ground as he walks'.



"You come back here with those spray cans! Damn kids."





"We were aware that Uncle Fatty had some health issues, but had no idea how bad things had gotten. We're not quite sure what drove him to this, although he began eating excessively after an incident involving his nephew, in which he forgot to pick him up after a shopping trip..."


Glebe

Thanks for alerting me to this Cap Z. Within the last hour, Macaque Prime has given an update in response to some of the more down-market newspaper gossip and unpleasant comments on social media. She had this to say;

"We have been made aware of comments being made in the papers and on certain social media platforms in regard to 'Uncle Fatty' - real name, Aubrey Henderson-Craven. Uncle Aubrey is not, I repeat not a 'dark sheep', and had, to our knowledge, been gaining some weight for his role as Don Vito Corleone in a stage production of Mario Puzo's The Godfather which was due to run at the Cheadle Lyceum. Many who know Uncle Aubrey in macaque amateur dramatic circles will be aware that he is something of a 'method' actor. We are sad to announce that the show's one-night-only run has been cancelled due to this adverse publicity. The theatre has kindly agreed to refund the £2.50p for each ticket. Myself and the rest of the family would like to thank everyone for there supportive comments at this difficult time."


Ferris


chveik

fucks sake these photos are very disturbing. I hope it's not real too.

edit: obviously it is...

Paul Calf



pancreas

Hmm. Dunno. Humans do this to themselves with great aplomb. Mainly shouldn't be in a zoo is the main issue.

Glebe


Captain Z

This is like some kind of CAB ethics logic paradox.

This wild monkey was taken away from its habitat and locked away in a confined enclosure for several months.

Appalling! Cruel! Disgraceful!

Ahhh, but it was to force it to diet and save it from its own obesity!

* Head explodes *

Ferris

Quote from: Captain Z on April 23, 2019, 03:52:27 PM
This wild monkey was taken away from its habitat and locked away in a confined enclosure for several months.

Appalling! Cruel! Disgraceful!

Ahhh, but it was to force it to diet and save it from its own obesity!

* Head explodes *

That makes it an ethical quandary. The fact it is a macaque is what makes it specifically a CaB ethical quandary.