Author Topic: The Return of Generous Seagull.  (Read 753 times)

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #30 on: May 06, 2019, 08:20:35 AM »
Stop getting Generous Seagull wrong!

I'm trying to show you what this animal is really like! You look yet you do not see.

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #31 on: May 06, 2019, 11:34:09 AM »
"It's a chemotherapy wig as well you know you total bastard !" cries Beryl as she runs sobbing from the bar.

"I don't understand it," sighs GS, "It's like two opposing forces are controlling my fate!"

Glebe - any truth in the rumour that GenSeag only took time off being kind to all and sundry “to give everyone else a chance to karmically catch up”?

"Indeed there is, Ferris, and well spotted! Have the Star Prize of ten bob, an exclusive Generous Seagull T-shirt and a Generous Seagull pencil! Generous Seagull pencils go to ten lucky runners up! Caw!"


I'm trying to show you what this animal is really like! You look yet you do not see.

"Not to worry, I'll gift him special 'all-seeing' eyes! Caw! Caw!"

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #32 on: May 07, 2019, 02:50:47 PM »
"I'd love a chocolate digestive right no-"

"There y'go mate, whole packet! Well, there's a couple gone, gave some to a hungry cormorant in Dover!"

Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #33 on: May 08, 2019, 12:24:50 AM »
"I'd love a chocolate digestive right no-"

"There y'go mate, whole packet! Well, there's a couple gone, gave some to a hungry cormorant in Dover!"

What’s more, I understand the hungry seabird in question was none other than Cormac Cormorant, author of the unflinching No Country for Old Gulls.  Hardly a favourite of the gull community, but GS isn’t one to bear a grudge.

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #34 on: May 08, 2019, 08:07:41 AM »
"I'd love a Mercedes-Benz!"

"Here's the keys, thank me later! And no, Spoon of Ploff, I haven't meddled with the braking system!"

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #35 on: May 08, 2019, 08:11:26 AM »
"I'd love a Mercedes-Benz!"

"Here's the keys, thank me later! And no, Spoon of Ploff, I haven't meddled with the braking system!"

Previous owner dead in boot?

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #36 on: May 08, 2019, 08:13:59 AM »
Previous owner dead in boot?

*clunk*

"Take a look mate, no body."

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #37 on: May 09, 2019, 01:19:49 PM »
"I'm bloody bored, I am."

*KA-THUNK!*

"There you go, mate, Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, Buckaroo!, Hungry Hungry Hippos and more... strictly old-school, no computer games or that, not good for yah."

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #38 on: May 09, 2019, 01:45:40 PM »
"I'm bloody bored, I am."

*KA-THUNK!*

"There you go, mate, Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit, Buckaroo!, Hungry Hungry Hippos and more... strictly old-school, no computer games or that, not good for yah."

But it's written on every single game that it's for two or more players. Thank you so much for highlighting just how so very alone I am in this world you heartless sea bird. I'm away to end it all!

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #39 on: May 10, 2019, 12:41:01 AM »
But it's written on every single game that it's for two or more players. Thank you so much for highlighting just how so very alone I am in this world you heartless sea bird. I'm away to end it all!

"Mate, I'll be your game partner!"

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #40 on: May 10, 2019, 10:12:02 AM »
"Mate, I'll be your game partner!"

Let's kick off with:

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #41 on: May 10, 2019, 10:59:59 AM »
Let's kick off with:


"I couldn't resist. Forgive me!"

Phoenix Lazarus

  • Why bother writing stuff below your avatar?
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #42 on: May 10, 2019, 08:40:30 PM »
'Hi.  You John?  Your wife said you're a fan, so got the band to sign your vinyl copy of Transfer Affection.  Here's free tickets for our local tour date.' 

Flies off with John watching him with a disbelieving smile of wonderment.

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #43 on: May 14, 2019, 02:58:08 PM »
Jeff is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a kindly wing touches his shoulder.

"Alright, mate?"

"Fuck me! Where's the puppeteer?! Is this a David Blaine stunt?"

"Haha, nah mate, I'm a real talking seagull! What seems to be the matter, friend?"

"Me girlfriend's left me for a mate. And I'm behind on this month's rent."

"Aw, don't worry, pal! You'll find a better lady out there, trust me. And as for the rent, don't worry about it, I'll sort that out!"

"Wow, cheers mate! How can I ever thank you?"

"No don't worry about it just seeing you smile again is thanks enough!"

"Thanks. Er, listen, I haven't had a holiday in awhile-"

"-Don't push it."

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #44 on: May 14, 2019, 04:38:49 PM »
Jeff is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a kindly wing touches his shoulder.

"Alright, mate?"

"Fuck me! Where's the puppeteer?! Is this a David Blaine stunt?"

"Haha, nah mate, I'm a real talking seagull! What seems to be the matter, friend?"

"Me girlfriend's left me for a mate. And I'm behind on this month's rent."

"Aw, don't worry, pal! You'll find a better lady out there, trust me. And as for the rent, don't worry about it, I'll sort that out!"

"Wow, cheers mate! How can I ever thank you?"

"No don't worry about it just seeing you smile again is thanks enough!"

"Thanks. Er, listen, I haven't had a holiday in awhile-"

"-Don't push it."

Jeff returns to his flat later that day to find the locks changed and all his stuff strewn across the driveway. In amongst the
detritus that is his life he spots two items he doesn't recognize. A child size tent and a blow up sex doll that's full of holes.
Could have been worse... thinks Jeff. Could've been the other way round.

Phoenix Lazarus

  • Why bother writing stuff below your avatar?
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #45 on: May 14, 2019, 04:45:15 PM »
'Hi Sammy.'

'Oh, hi Generous.'

'What you up to, lately?'

'Oh, the usual.  Lot of swooping for grub; busy doing lots of singing.'

'Aw, yeah.  I do as much of that whole seagull-crying as possible.  I love giving the holidaying humans that whole traditional beach atmosphere. 

'Well, I do it as I love the fact the people don't speak the avian lingo, so don't know you're shouting 'cunt-features, your wife's a dog,' and stuff.  Trust you to be the altruistic one.  Ah yeah, there's something else.  Silly Seagull's refusing to speak to me for some reason.'

'Okayyyy.  Confession time, here.  I let him on something I thought he should know.'

'Aw, fuck, mate.  Don't tell me you told him that my story that I had Swiss cousins was just a load of bull?'

'I did indeed, and that you were laughing with the rest of the flock, behind his back, over him lapping it up.  He may be silly, but there's no need to take advantage.'

'Yeah, I guess you're right.  Someone as generous as you was never going to let me get away with that, were you?  Thing is, I couldn't resist the temptation.  Silly Seagull swallowed any story you gave him.  He was just so humanible.'

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #46 on: May 15, 2019, 06:04:44 PM »
You're staring at a fantastic hi-fi system in the window of a shop. Suddenly, a shop assistant removes it from its place. Few minutes later, the bird is beside you, offering it up.

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #47 on: May 16, 2019, 01:12:44 AM »
"Heads up, love."

"WOW! A beauty product gift basket has landed in my lap!"

Spoon of Ploff

  • visitors are welcome to Sheerness
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #48 on: May 16, 2019, 09:58:04 AM »
You're staring at a fantastic hi-fi system in the window of a shop. Suddenly, a shop assistant removes it from its place. Few minutes later, the bird is beside you, offering it up.

"I told her if she didn't give it me I'd murder her kids" he laughs as he flutters away.


"Heads up, love."

"WOW! A beauty product gift basket has landed in my lap!"

"Wait.. Are you trying to tell me I'm ugly!?? And don't call me love you sexist fuck."

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #49 on: Yesterday at 03:24:32 PM »
Jeff returns to his flat later that day to find the locks changed and all his stuff strewn across the driveway. In amongst the
detritus that is his life he spots two items he doesn't recognize. A child size tent and a blow up sex doll that's full of holes.
Could have been worse... thinks Jeff. Could've been the other way round.

"I told her if she didn't give it me I'd murder her kids" he laughs as he flutters away.

"Wait.. Are you trying to tell me I'm ugly!?? And don't call me love you sexist fuck."

"It's really odd... I try to do good, but some strange impulse leads me to cause mayhem. Again, it's almost as if some outside influence is perverting my actions! If this keeps up, pretty soon they'll be calling me Deceitful Seagull!"

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: The Return of Generous Seagull.
« Reply #50 on: Today at 03:49:45 AM »
"Hello homeless fellow, have a giant 4K TV and a VR system!"

"Great, I can sell these and-"

"-No no no! You can only have them on the condition that you make use of 'em!"

"But... they're no good to me... can't you just give me the money instea-"

"-No. I'll be checking up on you periodically to make sure you haven't sold them."

"Fuck's sake. Well, at least I could use the packaging from the telly to make a shelter."

"No. That's cheating."