The Return of Generous Seagull.

[Glebe]

"Eat this," commands Generous, shoving a big Smarties cookie in y'gob.

[pancreas]

4 hours later in A&E, they finally get the last piece of foil out of the guy's gullet.

[Ferris]

4 hours later in A&E, they finally get the last piece of foil out of the guy's gullet.

...and the body is returned to his grieving family.

[pancreas]

At the funeral, a globule of white gunk splashes over the coffin on its way to the church.

'Decoration!'

[Glebe]

"Cod and chips twice please, mr. chips shops man!"

"A TALKING SEAGULL?!"

"Heh, you'll get used it! They all do!"

[Spoon of Ploff]

"Cod and chips twice please, mr. chips shops man!"

"A TALKING SEAGULL?!"

"Heh, you'll get used it! They all do!"

Three Days Later:

[pancreas]

GS had heard the owner was planning an insurance job on the place. He only took an 80% cut.

[Glebe]

Three Days Later:

Genuine belly laugh here Spoonie, well done man!

[Glebe]

THREE MONTHS LATER.

"Love the new takeaway, Luigi... I imagine that insurance money came in handy, eh? Heh!"

"Yeah, hey Generous, come and take a look at our new kitchen back here!"

"Great!"

[the midnight watch baboon]

"Fuckin' saltwater dippin', chip-eatin' prick," murmurs a dissenting witness to the benefactor bonhomie being bandied about by the big-hearted beach bird.

Exhaling a cloud of vaporised gudgeon juice into the night air, Wanker Heron attempts to launch himself into one of those curiously prehistoric flights that herons do, but being too fat to take off from a stationary starting point, is forced to trudge round to and climb up a nearby slag heap before leaping into a zig-zagging wheeze across the fields, like a prop plane with its fuel tank shot out.

WH does not wear hoomiliation well.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Generous Seagull:  'M-mother?'

[Glebe]

It's the aftermath of Generous' 'tour' of the kitchen!

[Glebe]

"Cor, I'm starvin'!"

"There you go mate, packet of fish fingers!"

"Nice one Generous! How very thoughtful of you!"

"No problem mate, hoping to land a sponsorship deal with Birds Eye!"

[Glebe]

SHAWSHANK PRISON, CASTLE ROCK, MAINE, USA, THE 1950S.

ANDY DUFRESNE: I'll never escape from this damn place! Hang on, what's that at my cell window?

GENEROUS SEAGULL'S GRANDFATHER: Hello Andy, here, have a hammer, some rope, a new suit, a false passport, a couple of hundred dollars and, of course, a poster of Rita Hayworth! Just squeeze it through the bars, there... there we go!

ANDY: Thank you, talking bird! How can I ever repay you?

GENEROUS SEAGULL'S GRANDFATHER: Nah man it's fine just enjoy your freedom that's thanks enough for me!

MORGAN FREEMAN VOICEOVER: Andy never did discover that bird's name, nor why it ever helped him... but when he finally escaped and made his way down to a beautiful beach in Mexico, he thought he saw a gull winking at him as it flew out over the big, blue sea. Although that could have been a hallucination brought on by years in prison and crawling through a load of fucking shit.

[Spoon of Ploff]

so. helping to set a cold blooded murderer free then is it?

[Glebe]

so. helping to set a cold blooded murderer free then is it?

"He was wrongly accused! Caw! Caw!"

[Glebe]

"I really fancy a pint, but I'm skint!"

"There you go mate, twenty squids!"

"Cheers, Generous! You fancy a drink of something?"

"Just a thimbleful of rainwater for me, please! I've got work in the morning!"

[Spoon of Ploff]

"I really fancy a pint, but I'm skint!"

"There you go mate, twenty squids!"

"Cheers, Generous! You fancy a drink of something?"

"Just a thimbleful of rainwater for me, please! I've got work in the morning!"

Barman of the Local Spoons: Take your squirming tentacled currency elsewhere you fuck head, we only accept the queens pounds in this here establishment.

[Spoon of Ploff]

"He was wrongly accused! Caw! Caw!"

In next weeks episode. Generous Seagull sends Gary Glitter a cake with a file in it.

[Glebe]

In next weeks episode. Generous Seagull sends Gary Glitter a cake with a file in it.

A 'file' detailing all his terrible crimes. "Think on! Caw!"

[Glebe]

"Family bag of Walkers crisps? Anyone?"

"No thanks, Generous, I've just eaten!"

"Nobody else? You, sir, can I... oh, he's gone. Madam... not interested. Well fuck the lot of yah. I'm off home."

[Spoon of Ploff]

[Glebe]

You've been waiting at the bus stop for ages, dreaming about buying a car, when the bird drives up and stops by the kerb.

"The all-new Toyota Yaris, with all mod cons and features... and it can be yours, if you just submit your will to Generous Seagull!"

"Fuck off."

[Glebe]

"I'd love an ice cream right now!"

"Two scoops or three? Out of mint choc, but the strawberry's not bad!"