How Americans Eat Steak

[Sebastian Cobb]

Speaking of which Ethiopian food is all hand eaten (via njira or whatever it's called) yet the food itself is sloppy - stews, marinaded meat, veg mix. I've been a few times and it's crying out for some fucking cutlery. I'm not in the Ethiopian countryside, just bang in the knives and forks you shit cunts.

People who have their own set of chopsticks to eat their Chinese takeaway with need graving. You wouldn't keep little wooden chippy forks for your fish and chips would you? So pack it in.

[Noodle Lizard]

I've never noticed this myself.  Maybe FerriswheelBueller's right, it's a conspiracy - the same way we might think twice about saying "cunt" in front of Americans, they're hiding their unusual cutlery practices from the rest of the world.

Then again I'm that madman who'll eat some burgers with a knife and fork, so who am I to judge.

[Bazooka]

People who have their own set of chopsticks to eat their Chinese takeaway with need graving. You wouldn't keep little wooden chippy forks for your fish and chips would you? So pack it in.

Mate, if you live in China and order food,you end up with at least two pairs of wooden chopsticks a day without a say.

[imitationleather]

I've never noticed this myself.  Maybe FerriswheelBueller's right, it's a conspiracy - the same way we might think twice about saying "cunt" in front of Americans, they're hiding their unusual cutlery practices from the rest of the world.

I bet their embassy advises them to eat like a normal person when abroad because otherwise they risk a fine, life imprisonment or firing squad (which they'd probably love, right guys?).

[Ferris]

Speaking of which Ethiopian food is all hand eaten (via njira or whatever it's called) yet the food itself is sloppy - stews, marinaded meat, veg mix. I've been a few times and it's crying out for some fucking cutlery. I'm not in the Ethiopian countryside, just bang in the knives and forks you shit cunts.

They typically have some and will give you a fork if you ask. I've never bothered though, get stuck in.

We go the place near us fairly regularly and the chap who owns it says "nope" if anyone asks, then his long-suffering partner sees him doing this, runs over and apologizes, and comes back with forks. It's a funny dynamic.

I've never noticed this myself.  Maybe FerriswheelBueller's right, it's a conspiracy - the same way we might think twice about saying "cunt" in front of Americans, they're hiding their unusual cutlery practices from the rest of the world.

Then again I'm that madman who'll eat some burgers with a knife and fork, so who am I to judge.

I've genuinely never noticed it but it must happen all around me (not least, my wife every night in my own home directly opposite me while I eat) so I'm having a bit of a breakdown over here. Everything I thought I knew has been shaken.

I also use chopsticks for my Chinese takeout, but only because they always pack a load in the bag and it saves me washing anything up.

[Cuellar]

Yeah imagine cutting up your food before eating it

what?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Yeah imagine cutting up your food before eating it

what?

What?

[touchingcloth]

After Brexit fish and chips will be the only meal served for breakfast, lunch, and tea, and it'll be served on union flags with blue passports as cutlery.

[Cuellar]

What?

I don't understand the premise of the thread. The OP described cutting up food by putting a fork in it and cutting next to the fork. That's just cutting up food.

I don't get it.

[Twed]

I think you are not a details person

[Cuellar]

I'm just sick to death of the blatantly racist threads that everyone thinks are 'great fun' because they're about Americans.

I'm sick TO DEATH,

[Twed]

Fat Americans

[DistressedArea]

People who have their own set of chopsticks to eat their Chinese takeaway with need graving. You wouldn't keep little wooden chippy forks for your fish and chips would you? So pack it in.

It's a Chinese restaurant not a Chinese-themed live roleplaying game.  The correct way to eat hot food is to use a knife a fork. Use a knife and fork.

Insisting on eating Chinese food with chopsticks, in Britain, is like walking into Costa, kissing the coffee man on both cheeks and saying 'Ey Maaaario I tayka da espresso badabing badaboom'.

[Ferris]

It's a Chinese restaurant not a Chinese-themed live roleplaying game.  The correct way to eat hot food is to use a knife a fork. Use a knife and fork.

Insisting on eating Chinese food with chopsticks, in Britain, is like walking into Costa, kissing the coffee man on both cheeks and saying 'Ey Maaaario I tayka da espresso badabing badaboom'.

But they always give me loads of chopsticks in the bag with my grub. I'm hardly going to bin them, and now I don't have to do washing up. Win-win.

[DistressedArea]

I also use chopsticks for my Chinese takeout, but only because they always pack a load in the bag and it saves me washing anything up.

Yes, I forgot to say: this is an acceptable excuse.

Avoiding washing up is important. Sometimes I just put on a latex glove and eat with my hand, which is acceptable.

But this does not apply in a restaurant.

[touchingcloth]

Do Americans even eat steak? They eat smores and Oreos behind the boondoggle, don't they?

[mothman]

And grits. Whatever they are.

[Twed]

Polenta with a slightly different texture.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Fat Americans

Fat and shit

The worst two things to be after paedo

[bgmnts]

Speaking of which Ethiopian food is all hand eaten (via njira or whatever it's called) yet the food itself is sloppy - stews, marinaded meat, veg mix. I've been a few times and it's crying out for some fucking cutlery. I'm not in the Ethiopian countryside, just bang in the knives and forks you shit cunts.

It gets tricky here when the dhal inevitably turns the rice into rice-mush and you have to persevere with your hand, scooping it up like a div. How Ethiopians do stews I have no clue.

Also, I always eat noodles with chopsticks. It genuinely tastes better. Don't care what anyone says.

[Twed]

Maybe somebody has already said it, but the reason chopsticks are stupid for Western Chinese food is that they don't tend to eat the same things in China. Their rice is a lot stickier, short-grain, not the mad loose fried rice that is found exclusively in takeaways.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Also, I always eat noodles with chopsticks. It genuinely tastes better. Don't care what anyone says.

Big man on campus

[zomgmouse]

I have a friend whose method of eating steak or similar foodstuffs is to put the fork in then cut EXACTLY ACROSS THE SIDE OF THE FORK and then stab the piece with the fork and it's infuriating not just because of the extra steps involved but also because of the weirdly grating feeling of seeing a knife cutting against the side of a fork.

[ASFTSN]

You wouldn't keep little wooden chippy forks for your fish and chips would you?

I might.

[Icehaven]

I was going to say is it just Americans in films/TV that cut up all their food as a technique to make it look less obvious that they aren't actually eating anything in the scene, but lots of you are saying they do it IRL too. Are they just copying it from the telly then?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Is there anything they can actually do properly? I bet they even shit facing the cistern or something.

[SteveDave]

I eat with my fork in my right hand and knife in the left. Someone call me a cunt.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Is there anything they can actually do properly? I bet they even shit facing the cistern or something.

AC Slater does.

[Twed]

Are they just copying it from the telly then?

Everything in America is copied off the telly.

[Icehaven]

Everything in America is copied off the telly.

I see. So it's just one giant chicken-and-egg situation then, do Americans behave the way they do because they're copying the TV, or are Americans on TV the way they are because that's how real Americans are? Can anyone remember?