How Americans Eat Steak

[Paul Calf]

It's a Chinese restaurant not a Chinese-themed live roleplaying game.  The correct way to eat hot food is to use a knife a fork. Use a knife and fork.

Insisting on eating Chinese food with chopsticks, in Britain, is like walking into Costa, kissing the coffee man on both cheeks and saying 'Ey Maaaario I tayka da espresso badabing badaboom'.

Except Costa is about as Italian as Kim Jung Il's rotting cock.

Fuck's sake. New page. Imagine my surprise.

[Twed]

I see. So it's just one giant chicken-and-egg situation then, do Americans behave the way they do because they're copying the TV, or are Americans on TV the way they are because that's how real Americans are? Can anyone remember?

Netflix has complicated matters so much that nobody knows what they are. It'll sort itself out in the 2040 election when the YouTube Party votes in PewDiePie's son and the Twitch Party has him impeached for making a sex tape with The Ghost of Tricia Paytas.

[samadriel]

It's not only for steak, all cutlery is like this. Only a very rigid thinker could have invented cutlery. Each cutlery has a purpose, and a limited one, and for me it would be enlivening to have more pieces of cutlery, with more obscure but varied functions, I think it would encourage new ways of thinking and humanity would prosper.

They put the fork in the middle to hold it in place, but there are many other ways to do that, some kind of clamp or a large rock. We never eat with clamps.

What are chopsticks if not clamps?

[Utter Shit]

It's not only for steak, all cutlery is like this. Only a very rigid thinker could have invented cutlery. Each cutlery has a purpose, and a limited one, and for me it would be enlivening to have more pieces of cutlery, with more obscure but varied functions, I think it would encourage new ways of thinking and humanity would prosper.

Have you ever been to a branch of Lakeland? Huge, sprawling aisles full of kitchenware for every possible use, all of which could be performed with one of a knife, a spoon or a fork.

Want to slice your eggs? Don't use one of the knives you already own, pick up this purpose-built £4.99 egg slicer. Unsure of how to remove the stone from your halved avocado? Put that spoon down you fucking dick, and buy this avocado de-stoner.

[Twed]

I'd like to set up a 3D printer outside of a Lakeland so they would have to watch me replicate their stock of tat and witness their demise over the course of a month.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Have you ever been to a branch of Lakeland? Huge, sprawling aisles full of kitchenware for every possible use, all of which could be performed with one of a knife, a spoon or a fork.

Want to slice your eggs? Don't use one of the knives you already own, pick up this purpose-built £4.99 egg slicer. Unsure of how to remove the stone from your halved avocado? Put that spoon down you fucking dick, and buy this avocado de-stoner.

Kleeneze is like the shitter version of pointless lakeland tat. Are you a weirdo who wants a kitchen roll holder that looks like a cat? How about a tent to put over your vacuum cleaner that looks like a french maid? Have you decided this is all shit? Don't even think about chucking this out as it's inexplicably my property still and I get very precious about it.

[Twed]

/quote]I have never wanted to fuck anything more than I want to fuck this.

[Twed]

Good quoting, quality post.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Except Costa is about as Italian as Kim Jung Il's rotting cock.

Fuck's sake. New page. Imagine my surprise.

Kim Jong Il was embalmed and put on public display, so his cock is presumably still in tip top condition. Unless they cut it off beforehand. Does Lenin still have a cock and balls?

[bgmnts]

Maybe somebody has already said it, but the reason chopsticks are stupid for Western Chinese food is that they don't tend to eat the same things in China. Their rice is a lot stickier, short-grain, not the mad loose fried rice that is found exclusively in takeaways.

Aye.

Noodles//clumpy white rice/veg/meat bits = choppies
Shit fried rice from the takeaway = fork

Not hard lads.

[Twed]

Also eat from a bowl if you're using chopsticks. Why are you so obsessed with plates? Is it because they remind you of Tom Chaplin from Keane's face? Tom Chaplin from Keane, who you love?

[Utter Shit]

Aye.

Noodles//clumpy white rice/veg/meat bits = choppies
Shit fried rice from the takeaway = fork

Not hard lads.

Why not forks for both though? These Chinese lads need to stop mucking about and realise the world has moved on.

[alan nagsworth]

Have you ever been to a branch of Lakeland? Huge, sprawling aisles full of kitchenware for every possible use, all of which could be performed with one of a knife, a spoon or a fork.

Want to slice your eggs? Don't use one of the knives you already own, pick up this purpose-built £4.99 egg slicer. Unsure of how to remove the stone from your halved avocado? Put that spoon down you fucking dick, and buy this avocado de-stoner.

Spoon or fork? Don't waste your time owning both of these things. Simply buy a spork.

[Utter Shit]

Is there such a thing as a knork?

[bgmnts]

Why not forks for both though? These Chinese lads need to stop mucking about and realise the world has moved on.

I am being deadly serious when I say noodles taste better with chopsticks. It's highly likely i'm mental but honest to Shiva.

I actually wanted to create chopspoons at one point, but think that's a bridge too far.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Is there such a thing as a knork?

There are some smashing knorks around, you just need to pay attention

[Twed]

Why not forks for both though? These Chinese lads need to stop mucking about and realise the world has moved on.

I know you're kidding around, but it is interesting to think about why chopsticks are used (cultural reasons like sharing food, dexterity for items like fish with lots of bones, etc.). Also worth remembering that chopsticks are the evolution. They replaced sharp cutlery.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Yeah well they're shit mate - how about that

[Twed]

Gonna squeeze one your balls off with a pair of them

Then we'll see who hasn't had one of their balls squeezed off with chopsticks.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

You'd be better off using a knife and fork to do that. More purchase on the ball.

[Squink]

I work with a lot of Asians and it is comedy gold for them to see me using chopsticks in any capacity. I though I was quite good with them too. Ah well.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You'd be better off using a knife and fork to do that. More purchase on the ball.

Everyone enjoys the bit where the hero with a staff does some cool tricks with a big stick, swoosh swoosh, etc, but ultimately if you want the bodies totalled you need a blade.

This is why Sadiq Khan isn't summoned to explain the rise in big stick crime.

This but for eating

[Twed]

Everyone enjoys the bit where the hero with a staff does some cool tricks with a big stick, swoosh swoosh, etc, but ultimately if you want the bodies totalled you need a blade.

Not for your balls mate. They're practically falling off.

[bgmnts]

Apparently I hold my chopsticks like Chinese royalty did, an old white American man told me once, he said I have good tip control (oo 'er).

[Twed]

I realised I was holding them differently to the usual way about a year ago. So I trained myself out of it, and then had a dream the other night that the chopstick world champion held them my way and I couldn't go back to doing it.

True.

[seepage]

Have you ever been to a branch of Lakeland?

It's handy to be able to blame things on their products. "Sorry about the searing pain behind the eyes, but I did put the rotting Époisses in a special cheese box from Lakeland."

[Gregory Torso]

I am absolutely brilliant at the chopsticks and I'm not even lying. Have fun punching mashed ham into your faces with a pair of barbed wire maracas you buttery heathens.

[DistressedArea]

Except Costa is about as Italian as Kim Jung Il's rotting cock.

Fuck's sake. New page. Imagine my surprise.

It's Italian themed. Otherwise it'd just be called Cost.

[The Boston Crab]

What TEMPERATURE do you want your STAKE

GEE, let's say MID RARE

:U

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

DANG