Author Topic: Bond but Dr Oetker  (Read 422 times)

Bond but Dr Oetker
« on: May 08, 2019, 02:48:30 PM »
"The name's Oetker, Doctor Oetker"

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2019, 02:50:49 PM »
Dr Oetker was in the SS

Fambo Number Mive

  • Golden Member
  • *****
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2019, 03:05:08 PM »
"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No Dr Oetker, I expect you to feed me cornflakes until I am full."

Norton Canes

  • The leper heart will see you for what you are
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2019, 03:25:16 PM »
Oetkerpussy

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • You Go Careful There Now My Love
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2019, 04:07:48 PM »
Doctor Doctor, my head feels like a balloon?

Dr. Oetker: Vote for the fascists at the elections

Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2019, 04:24:04 PM »
BOND: Do you expect me to eat this Pizza Ristorante?

OETKER: Yes, Mr. Bond. It's won awards for the best supermarket frozen pizza.

BOND: But they are fucking awful.

OETKER: The twats hoover 'em up though, don't they? Fuck all on 'em but watery tomato sauce, so I'm fucking coining it in.

BOND: Fair play, mate. Fair play.

Fambo Number Mive

  • Golden Member
  • *****
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2019, 04:46:47 PM »
Q: Now pay attention, don't touch that!

BOND: What is it?

Q: A whisk.

canadagoose

  • Member
  • **
  • Sometimes you have to learn to forget about it
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2019, 06:55:01 PM »
Absolutely Onken of errands mate

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2019, 08:41:03 PM »
MRS. BOND: How do you want your pizza, love?

BOND: Shaken, not stirred.

MRS. BOND: What?

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2019, 09:39:22 PM »
UNITED NATIONS TRIBUNAL JUDGE: Dr Bond Oetker, it has been PROVEN that you used slave labour in your pizza factories during the war.

BOND OETKER: Was that a pun?

UNTJ: Was what a pun

BOND OETKER: ....Proven. You PROVE dough, don't you.

UNTJ: No it wasn't.

BOND OETKER: Oh. Well yes, I did do the other thing.

UNTJ: The slaves?

BOND OETKER: Yes slaves.

THEME MUSIC: DOO DOO DO DOOOO DO DO DOOOO

Mr Eggs

  • KING BELLEND
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • BELLEND
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2019, 11:41:09 PM »
Dr Oetker shoves one in Jaws's gob then slips underneath him and wanks him into his arse.

"You're a fun guy", says Jaws.



Then they both die in a self-strangulation edging game. Clamped arse to mouth.



Fambo Number Mive

  • Golden Member
  • *****
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #11 on: May 09, 2019, 07:45:23 AM »
Bond sips a port.and eats some pizza in between filling in hencemen

grassbath

  • Ice-cream 'scuse me
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #12 on: May 09, 2019, 08:02:54 AM »
'They are frustrating to eat as the mozzarella discs often slide off whole when you bite, leaving just curiously biscuity base covered in tomato sauce,' quips Bond.

Fambo Number Mive

  • Golden Member
  • *****
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #13 on: May 09, 2019, 09:18:06 AM »
Bond kills a henchman with frozen pizza, sawing and sawing until his head comes off. 

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #14 on: May 09, 2019, 01:24:42 PM »
GOLDFINGER: This is Oddjob. He is a formidably assailant, particularly when he frisbees a frozen-or-overcooked Ristorante pizza.

seepage

  • throwing a dog at some goblins
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #15 on: May 09, 2019, 01:44:04 PM »
DOCTOR OETKER: when did you conclude I was a fiend, Mr. Bond?

BOND: when you ordered the Hawaiian

Chollis

  • Master of Codes
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2019, 02:53:14 PM »
Vee have to do somesing viz zeez ovens

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • it made more sense in my head i don't know
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2019, 04:41:36 PM »
BOND: Do you expect me to eat this Pizza Ristorante?

OETKER: Yes, Mr. Bond. It's won awards for the best supermarket frozen pizza.

BOND: But they are fucking awful.

OETKER: Most popular frozen pizza in Italy, apparently.

BOND: What? Nah, fuck off mate. That can't be right, surely?

OETKER: Yep.

BOND: Alright then. Just a slice.

OETKER: Good lad.

BOND: This is shit.

FerriswheelBueller

  • Golden Todger or
  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Less tired. Still sorry if my posts are shit.
    • I am antsy for baseball in the off-season.
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #18 on: May 09, 2019, 06:13:25 PM »
Oetker: we’re not so different, you and I

Bond: yes we fucking are, I’m a fictional secret agent and you’re a fictional mad German pizza mass-producer

Oetker: it is weird that I have a German name isn’t it? It’s be better if I had something stereotypically Italian

Bond: mama mia

Oetker: exactly

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #19 on: May 09, 2019, 06:40:08 PM »
JB: I'll get you next time, Dr Oetker.

DO: It's Oetker

JB: That's what I said

DO: No, you pronounced it like Oatker. It's Oetker, Oe...

JB: Uhrtker...

DO: Oetker, Oe, Oe

JB: Urghh... Eughtker

DO: ...Oetker

JB: Right. Anyway, gotta head now, so next time, yeah?

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • it made more sense in my head i don't know
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #20 on: May 09, 2019, 07:16:38 PM »
BOND: I have to say, these Bond villains I'm pitted against are getting increasingly pathetic. I mean, do you have any evil, nefarious schemes to take over the world?

OETKER: Not really. I just want to make poor quality pizzas.

BOND: Ok. So no stolen nuclear weapons, shark filled tanks or secret moon bases then?

OETKER: No. Sorry.

BOND: Please tell me you at least own a cat.

OETKER: I'm more of a dog person really.

BOND: Fucks sake.

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #21 on: May 10, 2019, 12:36:30 AM »
"Ah, Mr. Bond, I've been expecting you to come back from the shops with a shit oven pizza."

grassbath

  • Ice-cream 'scuse me
Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #22 on: May 10, 2019, 08:29:29 AM »
George Lazenby: This never happened to the Oetker fella.

Re: Bond but Dr Oetker
« Reply #23 on: May 10, 2019, 09:42:48 AM »
I like my peachas like I like my women - cheap, frowshen and abshalotely appalling