Bond but Dr Oetker

[poo]

"The name's Oetker, Doctor Oetker"

[Cuellar]

Dr Oetker was in the SS

[Fambo Number Mive]

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No Dr Oetker, I expect you to feed me cornflakes until I am full."

[Norton Canes]

Oetkerpussy

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Doctor Doctor, my head feels like a balloon?

Dr. Oetker: Vote for the fascists at the elections

[Huxleys Babkins]

BOND: Do you expect me to eat this Pizza Ristorante?

OETKER: Yes, Mr. Bond. It's won awards for the best supermarket frozen pizza.

BOND: But they are fucking awful.

OETKER: The twats hoover 'em up though, don't they? Fuck all on 'em but watery tomato sauce, so I'm fucking coining it in.

BOND: Fair play, mate. Fair play.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Q: Now pay attention, don't touch that!

BOND: What is it?

Q: A whisk.

[canadagoose]

Absolutely Onken of errands mate

[Glebe]

MRS. BOND: How do you want your pizza, love?

BOND: Shaken, not stirred.

MRS. BOND: What?

[Cuellar]

UNITED NATIONS TRIBUNAL JUDGE: Dr Bond Oetker, it has been PROVEN that you used slave labour in your pizza factories during the war.

BOND OETKER: Was that a pun?

UNTJ: Was what a pun

BOND OETKER: ....Proven. You PROVE dough, don't you.

UNTJ: No it wasn't.

BOND OETKER: Oh. Well yes, I did do the other thing.

UNTJ: The slaves?

BOND OETKER: Yes slaves.

THEME MUSIC: DOO DOO DO DOOOO DO DO DOOOO

[Mr Eggs]

Dr Oetker shoves one in Jaws's gob then slips underneath him and wanks him into his arse.

"You're a fun guy", says Jaws.



Then they both die in a self-strangulation edging game. Clamped arse to mouth.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Bond sips a port.and eats some pizza in between filling in hencemen

[grassbath]

'They are frustrating to eat as the mozzarella discs often slide off whole when you bite, leaving just curiously biscuity base covered in tomato sauce,' quips Bond.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Bond kills a henchman with frozen pizza, sawing and sawing until his head comes off. 

[Glebe]

GOLDFINGER: This is Oddjob. He is a formidably assailant, particularly when he frisbees a frozen-or-overcooked Ristorante pizza.

[seepage]

DOCTOR OETKER: when did you conclude I was a fiend, Mr. Bond?

BOND: when you ordered the Hawaiian

[Chollis]

Vee have to do somesing viz zeez ovens

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

BOND: Do you expect me to eat this Pizza Ristorante?

OETKER: Yes, Mr. Bond. It's won awards for the best supermarket frozen pizza.

BOND: But they are fucking awful.

OETKER: Most popular frozen pizza in Italy, apparently.

BOND: What? Nah, fuck off mate. That can't be right, surely?

OETKER: Yep.

BOND: Alright then. Just a slice.

OETKER: Good lad.

BOND: This is shit.

[Ferris]

Oetker: we're not so different, you and I

Bond: yes we fucking are, I'm a fictional secret agent and you're a fictional mad German pizza mass-producer

Oetker: it is weird that I have a German name isn't it? It's be better if I had something stereotypically Italian

Bond: mama mia

Oetker: exactly

[Captain Z]

JB: I'll get you next time, Dr Oetker.

DO: It's Oetker

JB: That's what I said

DO: No, you pronounced it like Oatker. It's Oetker, Oe...

JB: Uhrtker...

DO: Oetker, Oe, Oe

JB: Urghh... Eughtker

DO: ...Oetker

JB: Right. Anyway, gotta head now, so next time, yeah?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

BOND: I have to say, these Bond villains I'm pitted against are getting increasingly pathetic. I mean, do you have any evil, nefarious schemes to take over the world?

OETKER: Not really. I just want to make poor quality pizzas.

BOND: Ok. So no stolen nuclear weapons, shark filled tanks or secret moon bases then?

OETKER: No. Sorry.

BOND: Please tell me you at least own a cat.

OETKER: I'm more of a dog person really.

BOND: Fucks sake.

[Glebe]

"Ah, Mr. Bond, I've been expecting you to come back from the shops with a shit oven pizza."

[grassbath]

George Lazenby: This never happened to the Oetker fella.

[GMTV]

I like my peachas like I like my women - cheap, frowshen and abshalotely appalling