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Being pitifully tech-illiterate despite living on the internet

Started by machotrouts, May 11, 2019, 01:47:34 AM

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machotrouts

I'm not necessarily asking for help. You can just laugh at me.

I used to post political Grindr polls on Tumblr, and I'm thinking of doing another one for the EU elections (this is contingent on me finding a tablet or phone that isn't already banned from Grindr, but that's another issue). Tumblr's interface has never been right for this, my polls are on shaky ground with their new rules, and the site is dead anyway, so I thought I'd "make a WordPress", which I put in quotation marks because I have so little understanding of what WordPress is that I don't know if that makes any sense as a phrase.

It's a... web host, I think? A site where you can, make sites, maybe? I've seen simple blogs with WordPress in the URL so I assumed that must be a thing I can do with it. At some point, while on the site WordPress, I downloaded something called WordPress. It's something you can download? Is it a... program? Software? Is it an app? Are those the same thing? This never came up again. At some point on the site I paid money for, something, and also bought a domain. It presented me with various options, including "manlytrouts.com", "cockytrouts.com", and "machotrouts.fishing", but there didn't seem to be anything stopping me from having "machotrouts.com", so I picked that. I then realised that WordPress doesn't allow adult content, or possibly does, depending on what I read, but let's assume not, and before Tumblr's porn ban, I had at least one idea for a future post that involved a bunch of erect penises, so there's no point getting a new site if I can't do that. I can't believe I hadn't thought to check that first. I'd wasted my money!

But it turned out I could get a refund! But it offered me either a partial refund, where I am not refunded for the domain and seemingly still get to use it elsewhere, or a full refund, where I am, but something vaguely awful happens to the domain and it can never be used again or something. It's around this point I realised I don't know what a domain is or what a host is or if those are even different things. I went for the less scary-sounding one.

After some intensive googling for hosts that allow erect penises, I ended up making an account on "DreamHost", which is apparently compatible with WordPress. I have no idea what that means but it sounds good because I just left WordPress. I have a domain on WordPress, maybe. I don't know if that means anything but DreamHost seemed fine with me already "having" a domain. After going through that, selecting whatever the cheapest options were because I don't understand any of them anyway, then staring at a control panel that means absolutely nothing to me, I tried to "install WordPress", and was told I couldn't, because, I think machotrouts.com... already had... files on it, or something? When I went there, it had a default first WordPress post I didn't make myself, and I thought, maybe that's the problem? I have to get rid of that?

I went back to WordPress and – I think this was the wrong option – I removed the domain from my account? I don't understand what that entails but it seems to be "salt the earth so nothing can grow there again". Also, I got the message "We're not able to refund this purchase automatically. If you're cancelling within 4 days of purchase, contact us to request a refund." But "contact us" links to a public forum, not private support, and I am not publicly humiliating myself for £15. Not when I can do it for zero profit on Cook'd and Bomb'd.

I then went back to DreamHost, and trying to do anything to machotrouts.com continued to not work. I tried to visit the URL and it says "This domain is parked", which I don't understand unless "parked" is an obscure profanity. I removed machotrouts.com from my DreamHost account and registered a new domain, "machotrouts.org". By now I have an awful feeling I'm just going to keep destroying domains until I'm down to "machotrouts.mobi" or something. I went to "install WordPress" on machotrouts.org, but machotrouts.org is not an option. The drop-down menu, which previously included "machotrouts.com", is now blank, and when I try to install regardless, it hassles me to choose a URL. I'm TRYING. I don't UNDERSTAND. There's something about databases and SSL. I don't know what any of this is and I don't know what to do. I went to cancel everything and get another refund but thought I'd be better off sleeping on it, as if I might somehow wake up with a basic understanding of the internet. I stress-ate my fourth delicious Co-op Mer-mazing Cone of the night and went to bed. That's where I'm up to. Should I just accept that I'm an idiot and this is doomed?

Also, I think UK people aren't supposed to be on DreamHost in the first place, because their prices are in dollars and all the address fields made "State" mandatory, so I kept having to fill it with some variant of "I'M NOT IN A FUCKING STATE", which is ironic as I demonstrably was.

It's probably objectively funny how despondent I was over this. Genuinely consumed by existential horror. That's it, that's what your life experience is worth, all this time online and you don't have the capacity to make anything more complicated than a tweet. Why don't you lob yourself in the ocean you worthless fucking scrote. This floundering keyboard-mashing ape is all you'll ever amount to. You're machotrouts.mobi, and that's all you'll ever be.


Squink

Pornhub are rumoured to be buying tumblr. Maybe just wait for that? Erect cocks unlikely to be a problem under their regime.

hedgehog90

It sounds like you've spent most of your time making a right fucking mess of everything in a prolonged state of blithe panic. I know the feeling.
I went through a very similar ordeal when I first tried setting up a website back in the early oughts. Granted, I was 11 at the time, but it's enough to reduce anyone to a jibbering wreck.
I can help you out if you want, I haven't used wordpress but together we should be able to sort it out.

machotrouts

Thank you hedgehog90. Help and pity is appreciated!

Coming back to DreamHost in less of a state of manic despair, I notice a big fucking message I'd missed in the middle of the screen that says "Make sure the domain you choose for your One-Click Install is set to Fully Hosted on your Manage Domains page!". Now, I don't know what those words mean, but I have now clicked on the thing it wanted me to click, and the URL appeared in the WordPress installation menu. I'm now waiting for an email to tell me it's finished doing that, I think.

Oh. Just seen this in my junk folder. Bit worried that I haven't treated this form with the formality it deserved.



(I am sure the original form just said "State" and not "State Province" though I'm still not sure what a correct answer to that is.)

machotrouts

I didn't actually understand what it meant to install WordPress on the site, or if even that was a thing I was supposed to be doing, but now I have done that and it's a nice accessible blog looking ass thing. Okay! I thought I'd completely misunderstood what WordPress was but that's exactly what I hoped in the first place. I should be able to use that!

WordPress is both a host, and a... blog interface thing, that you can install on other hosts, right? Am I understanding that now?

And the erect penises. They're presumably disallowed by WordPress only in their capacity as a host, aren't they?

a duncandisorderly

Quote from: machotrouts on May 11, 2019, 01:47:34 AM
This floundering keyboard-mashing ape is all you'll ever amount to.

ooh, careful!
you'll have the judgmental weight of the entire twitterati on you, using language like that.

bgmnts

I spend 90% of my free time on the internet and I can barely do anything. My 40 year old uncle can download torrents and set up software and I know ctrl+z and how to add bulletpoints to a word document.

Fair play i'm a legendarily useless cunt.

Pseudopath

Quote from: machotrouts on May 11, 2019, 03:37:32 AM
WordPress is both a host, and a... blog interface thing, that you can install on other hosts, right? Am I understanding that now?

Almost. WordPress can be used as a simple blogging platform (and that's essentially what you get out-of-the-box). However, it can be extended through plugins and themes to present all sorts of content (for example, an online shop or a ticket booking system) so it can more-accurately be described as a content management system or CMS.

A host is simply any computer which is connected to a network. However, in this context, they're probably talking about a computer which is running some web server software (like Apache or Nginx), a database management system (like MySQL or MariaDB) and PHP (a server-side scripting language) which are funnily enough all prerequisites for installing WordPress.

A host can also mean the company who run this web server for you (in this case DreamHost). You could theoretically host a WordPress website on your own home PC. However, using a host means you don't have to set all of these prerequisites up yourself, don't have to leave your computer on 24/7 and don't have to deal with all of the availability, backup and security headaches of running a web server.
Quote
And the erect penises. They're presumably disallowed by WordPress only in their capacity as a host, aren't they?

Yes. Although I'd obviously make sure you've checked DreamHost's terms and conditions to make sure they don't have an erect penises clause. From memory, they're pretty cool with anything as long as it's legal in the United States (so no libellous material, copyright infringement or noncebait).

My mate can't even set the timer on his VCR and he's a robot!

It's quite sad actually. He's got to stay plugged into the wall socket at all times, so all he's got are his films he's taped off TV, with all the ends cut off and 15 minutes of ITN news at the start.

Pseudopath

Quote from: machotrouts on May 11, 2019, 01:47:34 AM
I then went back to DreamHost, and trying to do anything to machotrouts.com continued to not work.

If Wordpress.com has parked your preferred domain, you should still be able to point it to your DreamHost blog using the instructions on this page: https://en.support.wordpress.com/move-domain/change-name-servers/

Ideally, you'd transfer the domain to DreamHost (so that you can manage everything from the same place) but you can't do that within the first 60 days of a domain being registered. Nice little project for you if you're bored on Tuesday 9th July.

Crisps?

What you downloaded is probably the self-hosted version of Wordpress, which you can install yourself at Dreamhost (I think they have  their own one click install version though), and what you signed up to at wordpress.com is what Wordpress hosts (simpler and probably more secure since they presumably update it automattically).

Wordpress says this about "Mature content":

"We do permit mature content on WordPress.com, including text, images and videos that contain nudity, offensive language, and mature subject material. However, blogs that contain such content must be marked as Mature in our system."

https://en.support.wordpress.com/mature-content/

To add a domain on Dreamhost:

https://help.dreamhost.com/hc/en-us/articles/215416227-How-do-I-add-a-domain-

If the ICANN emails have a link or button to "verify" just click it. It's probably just to verify the email address (not your name and address) is legit.

hedgehog90

Pseudopath has pretty much covered all the points I wanted to make.
Mainly, a server is just a PC that is on all the time. That's it. You could install webserver software on your PC and host your site locally, but then you'd need to keep your PC running 24/7 and you'd be relying on your ISP to keep it accessible. Which is shit, so nobody does it. So you pay a company to run your website on one of their servers and they generally do a better job. It can be an arse ache doing things remotely through their shitty control panels though.

Some hosts allow you to use SSH to connect to your server, which allows you to send commands to it through your PC's command line interface, so you could manually download and install WordPress that way. This doesn't concern you mind, but it may enlighten you to the ways of webhosting and stuff.

Do you plan on keeping machotrouts.org? You might want to see if you can get a refund for that if you plan on using machotrouts.com.
Although if you want to prevent any other machotrouts from piggybacking on your brand then you could go a step further and buy ALL of the machotrouts domain names and set them to redirect to machotrouts.com (don't do this).

Dex Sawash


Missed a trick not going with machotrouts.io

BTW, reading the grindr survey to my wife has caused some distress. How was I to know she didn't know what a top and a bottom were already.

The way I remember is is that top trumps can be enjoyed by 2 or more players.

machotrouts

Quote from: bgmnts on May 11, 2019, 05:36:23 AM
I spend 90% of my free time on the internet and I can barely do anything. My 40 year old uncle can download torrents and set up software and I know ctrl+z and how to add bulletpoints to a word document.

God help me if I ever think about learning how to torrent. I tried to use a file-sharing network when I was a kid, when all my online friends from Sweden were trying to get me into piracy, and I accidentally uploaded all my saved MSN voice clips. I always gave them rude names for my own personal amusement, and most of them had been downloaded before I realised what I'd done. Imagine the disappointment of the poor horny sap who downloaded a file named "TURBO EJACULATION" only to get a 3-second mp3 of a Swedish girl making a "brrbbrrbbrbbrrbrbrrrr" noise.

Quote from: Dex Sawash on May 11, 2019, 11:11:14 AMBTW, reading the grindr survey to my wife has caused some distress. How was I to know she didn't know what a top and a bottom were already.

Did you get as far as "Messy rimmer"? And can I just say it's an infringement of my free speech rights that this forum doesn't let me include the turd emoji at the end of that name.

Quote from: Pseudopath on May 11, 2019, 08:54:29 AMAlmost. WordPress can be used as a simple blogging platform (and that's essentially what you get out-of-the-box). However, it can be extended through plugins and themes to present all sorts of content (for example, an online shop or a ticket booking system) so it can more-accurately be described as a content management system or CMS.

Thank you Pseudopath. This sounds good! A simple blogging platform to start with, but with the capacity to expand it into something more once the public demands a machotrouts merchandise stall.

Quote from: Pseudopath on May 11, 2019, 08:54:29 AMweb server software (like Apache or Nginx), a database management system (like MySQL or MariaDB) and PHP (a server-side scripting language)

Is it okay that I don't really understand any of the things in this bit.

Quote from: Pseudopath on May 11, 2019, 08:54:29 AM...don't have to leave your computer on 24/7...
Quote from: hedgehog90 on May 11, 2019, 10:41:52 AM...but then you'd need to keep your PC running 24/7...

[guy who started writing this post from bed after waking up and immediately checking my permanently-on laptop voice] I would never do that

Quote from: Pseudopath on May 11, 2019, 08:54:29 AMYes. Although I'd obviously make sure you've checked DreamHost's terms and conditions to make sure they don't have an erect penises clause. From memory, they're pretty cool with anything as long as it's legal in the United States (so no libellous material, copyright infringement or noncebait).

That's exactly what their FAQ says:

As long as the content is legal within the United States of America, you can host adult content. DreamHost does not restrict the content of sites hosted unless that content is illegal within the United States of America. Illegal content includes:
blatant copyright infringement
libel
child pornography


It's bad news for my original site idea, StolenPicturesOfBabiesHeavilyTrademarkedFanniesAndTheCelebritiesWhoEndorseThem.com.

Quote from: Crisps? on May 11, 2019, 09:29:11 AMWordpress says this about "Mature content":

"We do permit mature content on WordPress.com, including text, images and videos that contain nudity, offensive language, and mature subject material. However, blogs that contain such content must be marked as Mature in our system."

https://en.support.wordpress.com/mature-content/

Further down the page...

However, there are limitations to the mature content permitted on our service. Please don't:
Post visual depictions of sexually explicit acts (such as, but not limited to, images, videos, and drawings) that can be considered pornographic


This is unclear to me – nudity and pornography are obviously not the same thing, but what is "mature content... including... images and video that contain nudity" if not a euphemism for pornography? Images that contain nudity in a non-sexualised context shouldn't be considered "mature content", should they? If you set up PhotosOfMichelangelosDavidAndTheCoverOfNevermindByNirvana.wordpress.com, do you have to report it to WordPress so they can put a filter on it?

It sounds a bit like it could be worded to have my back, in a way – graphic sexual imagery recontextualised for comedic, non-pornographic purposes – but I'm probably best off not taking that chance if I don't need to. I've enjoyed typing "sexual" and "context" here a lot. It's a nice day out for the letter 'x'.

Quote from: Pseudopath on May 11, 2019, 09:27:16 AMIf Wordpress.com has parked your preferred domain, you should still be able to point it to your DreamHost blog using the instructions on this page: https://en.support.wordpress.com/move-domain/change-name-servers/
Quote from: hedgehog90 on May 11, 2019, 10:41:52 AMYou might want to see if you can get a refund for that if you plan on using machotrouts.com.

I think I've forfeited this option, haven't I? I semi-unwittingly (I do not feel I was entirely in control of my own faculties at this point) removed the domain from my WordPress account. I think my thinking here was "NO, STOP, IT'S GONE WRONG, UNDO EVERYTHING, LET'S JUST PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED AND START AGAIN" and WordPress/reality doesn't quite work like that.

When I go the domains page now, it has machotrouts.wordpress.com, but not machotrouts.com. Is there any way to get that domain back, or is it lost now, forever owned by only the ether? I tried to put it in "Add Domain", and it says "This domain is already mapped to a WordPress.com site." Yeah I know. I did that.

And then it offers me alternative suggestions.



):

hedgehog90

According to the Whois database you successfully registered machotrouts.com yesterday:

http://whois.domaintools.com/machotrouts.com

Also you get a wordpress landing page for it saying that it's 'parked' if you visit it directly:

https://machotrouts.com/

So you definitely still have it.
Assuming you only registered one wordpress account it should still be visible in your wordpress user account settings somewhere.
If you created more than one account in your domain name mania (domainia) then it might be attributed to another account that you're not currently logged into.
Check your emails, if you created more than one account then there should be some trace of it there.

Again, I've never used wordpress so I'm afraid I can't give you any more specific help on finding your original domain name details through their web interface. Once you have located it you'll want to relate it with your Dreamhost server, you should easily be able to find some instructions on either wordpress or dreamhost (or google) on how to do this.

chveik

I hope it will work, I can't wait for those erect penises you keep talking about!

machotrouts

Quote from: hedgehog90 on May 11, 2019, 10:49:27 PM
According to the Whois database you successfully...

Now that's a strong word to use.

My current understanding is that I had the domain, and then I renounced the domain, and now no individual has the domain – it is simply had, in a general sense. Alone and smouldering on a trash fire somewhere.

My best hope is that this state of being had, unavailable but unowned, is a sort of WordPress dumbass limbo where people who've fucked up their domains can prostrate themselves to support to get them back without fear of someone else having taken them, so I've started a thread on the WordPress forum. Or at least I think I have, I can't actually find any forum. I just filled in a contact form and it's gone to some bunker somewhere. Not knowing what something does and doing it anyway has gone brilliantly so far so I'm sure it'll be fine.

hedgehog90

Oh right, so you #cancelled and requested a refund for machotrouts.com on wordpress.com and now the domain is in limbo, correct?
Not sure what to suggest, it might be a while until you can re-register it with Dreamhost.

According to Wordpress:
https://en.support.wordpress.com/domains/#cancel-a-domain-name
QuoteIt can be difficult to get a domain back after you have #cancelled.

It shouldn't be a problem retrieving it once it's released back into the wild, assuming someone doesn't nab it before you.

Not sure what good it would do but you might still be able to get live chat support which is preferable to firing a contact form into the void and not hearing back for several days.

https://en.support.wordpress.com/live-chat/

Oh mate, I can't wait to register machotrouts.co.uk and post loads of pics of my useless flaccid wang on there. Your reputation in tatters.

machotrouts

Quote from: hedgehog90 on May 12, 2019, 02:22:29 AMOh right, so you #cancelled and requested a refund for machotrouts.com on wordpress.com and now the domain is in limbo, correct?

Strictly speaking, I never requested a refund for machotrouts.com – I requested a refund for the hosting, but declined a refund for the domain, then fucked off the domain anyway. Specifically what I did is, I got as far as an "are you sure you want to do this you mad bastard" message (I certainly wasn't), which also said something like "you've done things confusingly enough that you won't get a refund doing this, but click here to contact us if you want to claim it". I clicked and it took me to that form that goes to a forum, and I thought I must have clicked the wrong link (seems very gauche to claim a refund on a public forum) so I went back to click it again and accidentally clicked to confirm whatever dumb shit I was doing instead. So that made that decision. Now, instead of requesting a refund, I've used the refund form to ask if they can keep my money and just give me the domain back instead.

I probably should have made it more explicit in the contact form that they owe me £15 if I can't have it back. Could make or break WordPress. Their future hangs in the balance here.

Quote from: drummersaredeaf on May 12, 2019, 02:28:55 AMOh mate, I can't wait to register machotrouts.co.uk and post loads of pics of my useless flaccid wang on there. Your reputation in tatters.

On that note, the Erect Penises post I mentioned actually covers a whole range of penises, of varying degrees of flaccidity. Just the hard sexy ones I thought might get me in trouble. The post was half-complete before the Tumblr porn apocalypse and most of them were downloaded from Wikimedia. Galleries upon galleries of bleakly prosaic dick pics people had taken and uploaded to educate the populace.

My inbox is open to submissions.

hedgehog90

Quote from: machotrouts on May 12, 2019, 03:05:40 AM
Strictly speaking, I never requested a refund for machotrouts.com – I requested a refund for the hosting, but declined a refund for the domain, then fucked off the domain anyway. Specifically what I did is, I got as far as an "are you sure you want to do this you mad bastard" message (I certainly wasn't), which also said something like "you've done things confusingly enough that you won't get a refund doing this, but click here to contact us if you want to claim it". I clicked and it took me to that form that goes to a forum, and I thought I must have clicked the wrong link (seems very gauche to claim a refund on a public forum) so I went back to click it again and accidentally clicked to confirm whatever dumb shit I was doing instead. So that made that decision. Now, instead of requesting a refund, I've used the refund form to ask if they can keep my money and just give me the domain back instead.

OK, it's unlikely to work but did you try the live chat thing?
From the link I sent:
QuoteWhen you are logged into WordPress.com, click on the blue and white ? icon in the lower right corner to access all of our Help resources. Then, click the 'Contact Us' button. Enter your question in the box under "How can we help?" and then press "Chat with us" to begin the chat session.

I can't find any proper customer support except for that.
Like you said, if you try filling out a contact form it just just posts it to the community forum. What the fuck is that!? If you miss the disclaimer at the top and figure it was like every other contact form in existence, you could easily post login details without realising, which must happen all the time. Terrible system.
And the community forum is utter shite. I can't find your post anywhere and it takes 15 seconds for each page to load. Besides, I don't see how some Wordpress user pleb is going to retrieive your domain name for you.
All you can ask is what the status of your domain currently is - will it unregister in a few days or so or will it remain registered for a whole year to a dead site - if the latter, what can be done?

Are you absolutely sure you can't access your domain on your wordpress account? It sounds like they might have a system for managing domain names which is in a separate section to their site management interface.
If they allowed the option to cancel the wordpress site but not the domain, you'd figure that it must still be accessible from your account. All you want to do is link the domain to your Dreamhost site, which is already up and running I presume?

Sebastian Cobb

Have you considered fucking all this off and just setting something up on blogger.com?

touchingcloth

Just do a twitter and either restrict all of your posts to 160 characters or do that fucking stupid thing of replying to yourself over and over and over again.

hedgehog90

^ He wants his amazing domain name (what he paid for) back.

Macho, while logged into your wordpress account, click the little profile image in the top right, it'll bring up a menu.
Click 'Manage Purchases'.
Can you see machotrouts.com? If so, click it.
Although you've cancelled the site, you should still have a domain registration. Hopefully you'll see something like this:



'Domain Settings' should provide you with all you need to link it to your Dreamhost server.

alan nagsworth

Just now after reading the OP I scrolled down and was like "oh, hedgehog90's changed his avatar so there's a cursor on it now and it looks like the pig is licking the cursor" until I realised that was my mouse cursor hovering over the avatar. There was at least three or four seconds of embarrassingly fucking stupid contemplation and confusion. That's the kind of person I am.

grassbath

Can't help with the tech issue but these Grindr polls are hilarious. Thanks.

hedgehog90

Quote from: alan nagsworth on May 12, 2019, 01:03:49 PM
Just now after reading the OP I scrolled down and was like "oh, hedgehog90's changed his avatar so there's a cursor on it now and it looks like the pig is licking the cursor" until I realised that was my mouse cursor hovering over the avatar. There was at least three or four seconds of embarrassingly fucking stupid contemplation and confusion. That's the kind of person I am.

What?