Author Topic: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT  (Read 1087 times)

MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« on: May 13, 2019, 02:36:44 PM »
Geremy (?): Forthewithe thine brassiéré doth straine withe the weighte of thine honkers
Ceríses (?): Gaze thee upón mine bappeth
A dragon: doom cometh to... the throne

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2019, 02:49:09 PM »
Geremy (?): Forthewithe thine brassiéré doth straine withe the weighte of thine honkers
Ceríses (?): Gaze thee upón mine bappeth
A dragon: doom cometh to... the throne



Aaaaaahhhhhhhh mmmmaaaaaaaaaaate

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2019, 03:08:33 PM »
Darys (?): WHENCE cometh thou to take my game of thrones??
John Snow: yes

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2019, 03:12:21 PM »
Belmer: Give it me in me aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrse

Goblin: Shan't

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2019, 03:14:40 PM »
Alan Ace: Well, this has sure turned into a Game. A game of thrones.

Rodney of Ironborn: That it is, Alan of Ace. That it is.

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #5 on: May 13, 2019, 03:18:07 PM »
THE KING OF THRONES: Welcome all to my feast. Thou hast all been most loyal to me so I have spared no expense on the spread thou dost see before ye!

THE PRINCE OF THRONES: Careful, brother. Thou dost tempteth fate with your words of loyalty amongst this band of thugs and braggards!

THE KING OF THRONES: Nonsense, Bastardus! These men wouldst never dare!

*THE QUEEN PLUNGES A KNIFE INTO THE NECK OF THE KING*

THE QUEEN OF THRONES: No, my love. No man wouldst ever dare. But a woman?

THE PRINCE OF THRONES: Such treachery! Thou hast slain my brother, thy king! Prepare for thy end, vile hag!

THE QUEEN OF THRONES: Men!

*THE MEN ALL SURROUND THE PRINCE, SWORDS DRAWN*

THE PRINCE OF THRONES: B-but why?

*THE QUEEN DROPS HER ROBE, EXPOSING HER NAKED BODY*

THE QUEEN OF THRONES: There's nothing these men wouldst not do to gaze upon my tight body and large, firm breasts. And now, I think you'll find that it is I that hath won the game of thrones!

Norton Canes

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #6 on: May 13, 2019, 03:37:26 PM »
Jester: "It's like Peter Stringfellow's Lord of the Rings!!"

Glebe

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2019, 03:57:24 PM »
PETER DINKLAGE: Winter is coming and I drink and say things as it says on the T-shirts.

DANREES. Why is it always winter that is coming? Give the other seasons a chance, mate!

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #8 on: May 13, 2019, 04:04:55 PM »
FUNGUS, THE MASSIVE-COCKED DWARF: Rumours have it that ye have been cavorting with the innkeepers wife, sire. You know my mouth dost run when the ale is in my belly, but perhaps I could be persuaded to lay off the drink with the right... incentive.

SIR NIGEL DRAGONBUMMER: Watch thy tongue, dwarf. I could have thee silenced for good.

FUNGUS, THE MASSIVE-COCKED DWARF: Pity. If you change your mind, you'll find me in the-

ROTTENTITS, THE INNKEEPER: The inn, dwarf? I'm afraid you are no longer welcome.

FUNGUS, THE MASSIVE-COCKED DWARF: B-but this cad has been laying with your good lady.

ROTTENTITS, THE INNKEEPER: My lady she may be, but she is far from good. And I'm more than aware of that. His lordship and I have come to an... arrangement.

*ROTTENTITS PULLS BACK THE CURTAIN TO REVEAL THE EMERALD THRONE*

ROTTENTITS, THE INNKEEPER: This is where I sit now.

SIR NIGEL DRAGONBUMMER: Do you see now, dwarf? Every man has a price in the game of thrones!

pancreas

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2019, 04:13:26 PM »
Knight Throne to Queen's Bishop Throne 4.

CHECKMATE

Spoon of Ploff

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #10 on: May 13, 2019, 05:01:04 PM »
Thrones Under the Hammer.

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #11 on: May 13, 2019, 05:01:28 PM »
GWENDOLINE: Good day sir. You sent for me?

LORD DARKNESS: Ah, Gwendoline. Come closer, my dear. Tell me, child, do you know why you're here?

GWENDOLINE: My father says he has disappointed you.

LORD DARKNESS: This is correct. Your father believes that it is right to not pay his taxes. And this does disappoint me. I need you to make up for your father's indiscretions. I need you to... please me.

GWENDOLINE: Sire, I do not understand.

LORD DARKNESS: I do not need you to understand, child. You are but a girl, albeit one of legal age in the country where this show is being viewed, and a virgin. I shall... teach you.

*LORD DARKNESS PUSHES GWENDOLINE FACE FIRST ONTO THE BED. HE PULLS HER DRESS UP AND PLANTS HIS FACE INTO HER HINDQUARTERS*

GWENDOLINE: Please, my lord! No! I beg of you!

LORD DARKNESS: Silence!

*SUDDENLY GWENDOLINE'S EYES TURN RED AND A JET OF FLAME SHOOTS OUT OF HER BOTTOM, INCINERATING THE HEAD OF LORD DARKNESS. HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR, DEAD, HIS HEAD NOW A BLACKENED SKULL*

GWENDOLINE (smiling): I did ask nicely.

*GWENDOLINE WALKS ACROSS THE ROOM AND SITS ON THE BLACK, WOODEN THRONE. AS SHE SITS, IT BURSTS INTO FLAMES*

GWENDOLINE: Finally, the Throne of Darkness is now the Throne of Flame! Just when they thought it was over, I have reignited the game of thrones!

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #12 on: May 13, 2019, 05:09:34 PM »
- HELLO I AM A CENTAUR WITH A SWORD

- HELLO I HAVE BIG TITS AND BLONDE HAIR AND SKIMPY ARMOUR OF SOME KIND

- OH GOOD

- NEXT STEP LET’S MAGIC OUR WAY INTO A WOOD IN THE CLOUDS AND HAVE A BATTLE

- YES VERY GOOD

- RIGHT SO WE ARE HERE NOW THANKS FOR LETTING ME RIDE ON YOUR BACK CENTAUR

- ANYWAY LET’S FIND CREATURES TO SLAY WITH MY SWORD

- FOR THE BATTLE YES, GOOD ONE

mothman

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #13 on: May 13, 2019, 06:15:07 PM »
"No! Look, it is perfectly simple: when the music stops, you all sit down on a throne. The person who doesn't have a throne is out. Then we remove one throne, the music starts again, etc. You do NOT, on finding yourself without a throne, draw your sword, stab the minstrel and then sit on his body!"

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #14 on: May 13, 2019, 06:17:27 PM »
SONG WHILST DANCING ABOUT LIKE IN A CEILIDH:  HAS A CROWN, HAS A CROWN, WEARING WEARING CROWN, OI!  HAS A CROWN, HAS A CROWN, WEARING WEARING CROWN, OI!  HAS A CROWN, HAS A CROWN, WEARING WEARING CROWN, OI!  HAS A CROWN, HAS A CROWN, WEARING WEARING CROWN, OI!  HAS A CROWN, HAS A CROWN, WEARING WEARING CROWN, OI!  HAS A CROWN, HAS A CROWN, WEARING WEARING CROWN, OI!  HAS A CROWN, HAS A CROWN, WEARING WEARING CROWN, OI!  HAS A CROWN, HAS A CROWN, WEARING WEARING CROWN, OI!  HAS A CROWN, HAS A CROWN, WEARING WEARING CROWN, OI!

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #15 on: May 13, 2019, 06:26:18 PM »
Jester: it's like the HBO series Rome for Harry Potter fans!

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #16 on: May 13, 2019, 06:29:08 PM »
Dragontits: ah mate you HAVE to watch it! Just watch one and you'll be hooked. You've already watched one and are not hooked? just watch it mate. Watch it. Watch. It.

At least have a look at the buzz feed gif comilation of the sexyest rape scenes!

Glebe

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #17 on: May 13, 2019, 06:37:04 PM »
SEAN BEAN: Who will rule Westeros?

DAIRIES: What of it?

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #18 on: May 13, 2019, 06:42:49 PM »
BUNDINGTON:  OOH NORKS ME HIGHLAND TYRE!  WHAT HARPS SO SULLENLY UPON THY WARES?

PAILSBURY 9:  HUSH, WREN.  PASS IT SEVEN AT THE EVENING AND WANDER HITHER IN THE FORLORN BASINGSTOKE.

BUNDINGTON:  HARK, A DEMON'S HAND.


[YET ANOTHER FUCKING DRAGON ENGENDERS ITSELF]


DRAGON:  FOR I BREATHE FIRE AND YOU ARE MY WENCH

PAILSBURY 9:  NOT SO FAST, SNICKERSNACK!  LET HE WHO TURNS THE FIRST STONE FIND THE LEAST MOSS!

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #19 on: May 13, 2019, 06:45:28 PM »
The Dog: I love the finger-lickingTM goodness of KFC'sTM secret recipeTM chicken, and I'm going to eat it all up!

Are ya mad?: It's definitely on my list...of favourite fast food chains!

seepage

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #20 on: May 13, 2019, 08:03:37 PM »
EMPEROR SHAZZAM IV: witch, pray tell what is in yonder tank thing?

REVEREND MOTHER HELEN MIRREN: dunno, a dragoon?

THIRD-LEVEL ROLEPLAYER: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz


FerriswheelBueller

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #21 on: May 13, 2019, 09:13:11 PM »
King: I’m in charge

All: fair enough

Queen: actually I’m in charge

All: oo-err, could get messy this. Wonder which one will get naked first

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #22 on: May 13, 2019, 09:36:04 PM »
QUEEN: Phwoar, I'm well up for a bit of slap-yer-father with my own brother, like.

COURT SCARAB: Your grace, Sinbad Culdesac of House Nugget requests an audience.

QUEEN: Tell him... tell him to fuck his cunt.

COURT SCARAB: Your grace?

QUEEN: Fuck all of their cunts.

COURT SCARAB: But your majesty, such shocking language, the families of House Nugget have always -

QUEEN: Tonght we dine on cunts!

DRAGON: Skreeeeee!

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #23 on: May 13, 2019, 09:46:45 PM »
Musket Blaster:  EEEOOOORE!!

*BOOM*

Francis:  That'll do Lionel

Musket Blaster:  A few more.....  EEEOOOORE!!

*BOOM*

Francis:  Bring up the signs.

[Loggins and Jendrick waltz down the field towards all the signs]

[After a moment they return with all the signs]

Musket Blaster:  EEEOOOORE!!

*BOOM*

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #24 on: May 13, 2019, 09:54:24 PM »
Francis:  You haven't signed the document even half as firmly as needed, Lionel.  The biro hasn't pressed through.

[A goblin is derived, met with magical golden fairy dust type stuff]

Musket Blaster:  EEEOOOORE!!

*BOOM*

Goblin:  DE FAR-BON DISTEG LAND MERCHANT, MERCI

Francis:  And that bait still needs taking.

Musket Blaster:  EEEOOOORE!!

*BOOM*

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #25 on: May 13, 2019, 10:11:25 PM »
HILLTOP HARRY: Foohkin come on then, ye bastards

HALFWAY-UP-A-HILL HARRY: Careful there, Harry, those bastards be dragons.

BOTTOM-OF-THE-HILL BARRY: What are you pricks going on about,  got any mead you fuckres.

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #26 on: May 13, 2019, 10:23:24 PM »
PORK: Sir Rodney, I have brought you a nice big bowl of cornflakes with extra cold milk in it.

SIR RODNEY: Ah that's brilliant. We'll make a knight of you yet, Pork Shillings Of House Hogleg. And what news of the zombies?

PORK: They have eaten an wall, my lord. And soon it will be winter.

SIR RODNEY: Ah right, right. Yes. Let's all have some cornflakes and think about what to do, shall we?


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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #27 on: May 13, 2019, 10:24:19 PM »
Rorgunt:  I can't get all my hands on this at once, this crystal that makes me gasp.

Bellamy:  Me too it makes me gasp.

Cremaster:  Such a crystal that makes us gasp.  Rorgunt use your bare chest on it.

Rorgunt:  I have already my bare chest on it but it does not lift.

Bellamy:  Try your arms then.

Rorgunt:  I have already tried my arms, Bellamy.  And now I am onto my bare chest.

Cremaster:  And now your bare chest is also no good.

Rorgunt:  Correct.

Cremaster:  Why not try looming at it with all your parts.

[RORGUNT DOES SO.  THE CRYSTAL DOES LIFT]

Cremaster:  What did I tell you.

Rorgunt:  You weren't correct it just did it anyway.

Bellamy:  Well anyway thanks for getting the crystal for me it is mine now and thank you.

[RORGUNT AND CREMASTER CONTINUE ARGUING AS THE CRYSTAL IS CARTED OFF IN BELLAMY'S WHEELBARROW.  THE LIGHT FADES]

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #28 on: May 13, 2019, 10:33:58 PM »
SER DAZ OF PUBES: Pardon, Your Grace. Did you happen to shit in my helmet? Again?

LEGEND tarGARYen (for it is he): Mayhaps I did lay some right royal cable.

ALL: Huzzah!

grassbath

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #29 on: May 13, 2019, 10:36:56 PM »
PEOPLE AT WORK: Did you watch the Game of Thrones?

ME: No, it looks tacky as fuck, like Xena Warrior Princess on a bigger budget.

PEOPLE AT WORK: Gasp! Snigger! Philistine! It's far superior to Xena Warrior Princess!

ME: How?

PEOPLE AT WORK: Actual blood, actual tits.