Author Topic: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT  (Read 890 times)

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #30 on: May 13, 2019, 10:37:33 PM »
King Arthur: Fuck me Gandalf, what happened to you?  You fail a saving throw or what?
Gandalf: I’m a dwarf now for some reason.

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #31 on: May 13, 2019, 10:44:10 PM »
GREY CENTAUR:  Arlmentuary!  Star Linentseer, first Brockwurst which settles minefields o'er the creek.  Sun, bring us tangents.

ARLMENTUARY:  Make amends here, sire, for the stream ripples be common and tardy.

GREY CENTAUR:  SUN, BRING US TANGENTS.

ARLMENTUARY:  Amends, sire.

GREY CENTAUR:  ARLMENTUARY I WILL NOT UNFRINGE.  TAKE THEE PRIMARY SUN, AND UNFOLD HIM TANGENTIALLY.

[ARLMENTUARY UNFOLDS PRIMARY SUN TANGENTIALLY.  HE BECOMES SUN COCK.]

GREY CENTAUR:  NOW SUN COCK DESPISE YOURSELF INTO THESE COMMON AND TARDY RIPPLES.

[ARLMENTUARY/SUN COCK DESPISES HIMSELF INTO THE COMMON AND TARDY RIPPLES.  UNRAVELS HE.]

ARLMENTUARY/SUN COCK (UNRAVELLED):  I AM NOW MUTE.

GREY CENTAUR:  DEPEND THEE ON MY OWN TONES FOR THY VOICE.  NOW ARLMENTUARY/SUN COCK (UNRAVELLED) YOU WILL FOLLOW ME TO WHERE PLATYHELMINTH WILL CLEAR MY PATH BY FIRST ENTERING YOUR EVERY ORIFICE AND DEVOURING YOU FROM WITHIN.

ARLMENTUARY/SUN COCK (UNRAVELLED):  ........

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #32 on: May 13, 2019, 10:57:18 PM »
LORD SAINSBURYS: Well met, High Priestess Skeleton Cathode. I really, really, really want to win this war. Tell me what to do.

PRIESTESS: You have got to raise, raise, raise skeletons. Like there's no tomorrow. Raise skeletons like no one is watching.

LORD SAINSBURYS: Really. I did not think to do that.

PRIESTESS: For sure. Skeletons in the morning, skeletons in the evening, skeletons at supper time. Skeletons killed the radio star.

LORD SAINSBURYS: Brilliant. I will attend to that right away.

PRIESTESS: But first, have a feel of my tits.




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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #33 on: May 13, 2019, 10:57:25 PM »
CARWIL:  Darkness.  Where will I locate all of my bathwater.

DARKNESS:  ?

grassbath

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #34 on: May 13, 2019, 11:17:39 PM »
HARD CUNT IN SPIKY CHAIR: Tonight we march on Yorkshire.

touchingcloth

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #35 on: May 13, 2019, 11:32:40 PM »
Falconhoof - Greetings, traveller. My name is Falconhoof, I will be your guide on your quest.
Traveller - Alright?
Falconhoof - What is your name, traveller?
Traveller - Traveller.
Falconhoof - You are in a room. Before you is a door. To your left is a table. On the table there is a cup. To your right there is a throne.
Traveller - Take throne.
Falconhoof - Congratulations, you have won.
Traveller - Aye?

DangledTeeth

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #36 on: May 13, 2019, 11:55:04 PM »
Queen Quimoxe: Fopdoodle.

Someone's head gets cut off, and a woman gets her flange out

Jon Snow: Tonight on Channel Four News...


Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #37 on: May 14, 2019, 12:10:39 AM »
PRIESTESS: I like to skeletons, skeletons. I like to skeletons, skeletons. I like to skeletons, skeletons.

LORD SAINSBURYS (from castle window): That's... hello?... that's probably enough... I think we have enough skeletons

(Skeletons cover the entire battlefield, they are confused and bored.)

PRIESTESS: I'm serious as cancer when I say that I am a necromancer.

LORD SAINSBURYS: Yes, thanks. It's, they are all great. I just think that it is enough skeletons for now. Could you come back now and stop doing them.

PRIESTESS: I can take my clothes off and make bigger, angrier skeletons.

LORD SAINSBURYS: That... pleases Lord Sainsburys.




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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #38 on: May 14, 2019, 12:34:07 AM »
Character 1: winter is coming

Character 2: it’s May mate what the fuck are you talking about

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #39 on: May 14, 2019, 01:21:37 AM »
Some dragon eggs need hatching!

Aye pal, get em pumped.


Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #40 on: May 14, 2019, 02:46:48 AM »
Yes, Goffrey, I have my breasts out.

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #41 on: May 14, 2019, 06:32:53 AM »
LORD BADFREY: What manner of insult is this?! My own wife in congress with the baker’s son! The shame! The infamy!

LADY BADFREY: (still wanking the baker’s son): My lord! If only you knew the truth!

LORD BADFREY: I shall have you both put to death! Where are my guards!

THE BAKER’S SON: No, sire! Wait to see the product of my fleshberries! Uuuuuuuurrrnfffffffff!

*THE BAKER’S SON UNLEASHES HIS SEED ALL OVER LADY BADFREY’S FACE AND CHEST*

LADY BADFREY: Observe, foolish husband!

*THE SEMEN STARTS GLOWING AND FALLS FROM LADY BADFREY’S SKIN TO THE FLOOR. SLOWLY, THE MESS STARTS TO FORM THE SHAPE OF A CHAIR*

LORD BADFREY: By the nineteen gods! Could it be? The legendary Throne of Spunk?

THE BAKER’S SON: Aye, my lord. And there’s more where that came from.

LORD BADFREY: This is wonderful news. Finally, I have the upper hand in the game of-

*LORD BADFREY FALLS TO THE GROUND, AN AXE MADE OF GAMETES BURIED IN HIS BACK*

THE BAKER’S SON: No, my lord. The rules have changed. Now, a lowly baker’s son shall triumph in the game of thrones!

touchingcloth

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #42 on: May 14, 2019, 07:40:58 AM »
Commentator - This is sure to go down in history as one of the many games of thrones that happened this weekend.

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #43 on: May 14, 2019, 10:17:46 AM »
SIR WALTER OF WHITE: Ah, verily, mine medical results have come through my door, not through ye internets, as these are the times of fucking ages ago.

*He opens the envelope to read his medical results*

SIR WALTER OF WHITE: Oh, verily Crikey! I have third stage cancer of ye dragon! I'd better start manufacturing methamphetimine in order to support mine family!

* He starts manufacturing methamphetimine in order to support his family. A naked wench enters the scene, honestly, you can see everything, although there is a label on her lower bits saying "PROPERTY OF RENATAMIRKIN/FAKEHAIRYPIE PRODUCTS.DRY CLEAN AFTER USE", which sort of takes you out of the action a bit.*

SIR WALTER OF WHITE: Do you mind? I'm trying to manufacture methamphetemine in order to support my family, and you're putting me off.

NAKED WENCH (Bafflingly, in broad Warrington Accent): Oh, sorry about that mate.

* She leaves. SIR WALTER OF WHITE continues to manufacture methamphetimine in order to support his family, while muttering "Stupid third stage cancer of ye dragon" to himself, like Homer Simpson.*

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #44 on: May 14, 2019, 10:49:45 AM »
ELDER JAMES OF THE BOWEN: Well we've had a lovely time on the Game of Thrones, it's been super, absolutely smashin', in't it?

BEIGE RUMINANT: Yes, Elder James.

ELDER JAMES OF THE BOWEN: And look at these brilliant prizes you've won yerself: A set of icicles from the Frozen Shit'ole Realm; a luxury, fully-catered for banishment for two on the River Polyp, and this bright shiny thing what we found stuck in a dead kid's eye socket this morning. Lovely stuff.

BEIGE RUMINANT: Yes, Elder James.

ELDER JAMES OF THE BOWEN: And now it's time to feed you to Bully the Minotaur. 'Ave yer any last words for the crowd?

BEIGE RUMINANT: No, Elder James.

ELDER JAMES OF THE BOWEN: Fookin greet. Release the bull!

Alberon

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #45 on: May 14, 2019, 11:01:06 AM »
LORD BATTYFLAPS - See-eth, I haveth all of the thrones in mine own possession! I haveth won the Game of Thrones.

LORD WAZZOCK - You’re having a laugh, mate.

LORD BATTYFLAPS - Boweth down before thine king!

LORD WAZZOCK - I mean that one is just a wooden stool and the one over there is just a crude drawing of a throne on some cardboard!

LORD BATTYFLAPS - That is mine Throne of Cardboard!

LORD WAZZOCK - Yeah? Go sit in it then, you tit! And what about that one? It’s a sodding penguin!

LORD BATTYFLAPS - That is no throne. Behold mine mighty dragon, Graham!

LORD WAZZOCK - Sod this, I’m going down the pub.

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #46 on: May 14, 2019, 12:58:35 PM »
STRANGE-LOOKING CHILD: Are you coming to the feast?

CHARLES DANCE: Nah might get kilt and that.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #47 on: May 14, 2019, 01:08:41 PM »
STRANGE-LOOKING CHILD: Are you coming to the feast?

CHARLES DANCE: Nah might get kilt and that.

SEAN BEAN FROM RONIN: fair enough mate

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #48 on: May 14, 2019, 01:10:13 PM »
PEASANT #3: careful there mate, dragons there. Careful.

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #49 on: May 14, 2019, 01:45:00 PM »
CHRISTOPHER LEE: Robots, attack!

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #50 on: May 14, 2019, 01:47:20 PM »
SKELETONS: ha ha the world is ours now that it has snowed a bit.

seepage

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #51 on: May 14, 2019, 02:23:29 PM »
LORD ROD OF STEIGER: Those men on horses are terrifying.

SER MEATSHIELD: They are the noblest cavalry on Westertoss; and the worst led.

LORD ROD OF STEIGER: That may be; that may be, but we will match them with our dragoons.

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #52 on: May 14, 2019, 02:51:46 PM »
LORD ANTHONY BOMBER JACKET: Halt! What manner of creature are thou?

STARSKY THE DRAGON: I am Starsky the Dragon.

LORD ANTHONY BOMBER JACKET: Starsky? That is not a good name for a dragon.

STARSKY THE DRAGON: Yeah, well.

Angrew Lloyg Wegger

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #53 on: May 15, 2019, 12:31:29 AM »
Disgruntled Fopp customer: Hello I would please like to please return this Game of Thrones please, it is not actually a game. It is also 73 hours long and far too sexy for me.

Employee: Get behind this desk and fucking suck my fat tattooed cock right now you fucking idiot cunt

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #54 on: May 15, 2019, 09:26:39 AM »
LORD BANBURY: You, sir, have held onto these cranberries for long enough!

LORD FORTESCUE: Idiot! You may take my cranberries, but know this; I've lingonberries to last a thousand winters!

LORD BANBURY: *gasp*

grassbath

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #55 on: May 15, 2019, 05:57:23 PM »
PIPPIN: I didn't think it would end this way.

GANDALF: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass... and then you see it.

PIPPIN: What? Gandalf? See what?

GANDALF: A pair of tits.

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #56 on: May 15, 2019, 07:32:55 PM »
PIPPIN: I didn't think it would end this way.

GANDALF: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass... and then you see it.

PIPPIN: What? Gandalf? See what?

GANDALF: A pair of tits.

Chuckled in a coffee shop, on my own. Look mad now.

Alberon

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Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #57 on: May 15, 2019, 11:30:45 PM »
LORD NEDDY BLUEBOTTLE-STARK - You rotten swine! You’ve deaded me again!

Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #58 on: May 16, 2019, 12:09:30 AM »
HUNGRY WARRIOR: Just killed two sand warriors with my gun, made me peckish.

GOBLIN CHEF: Sorry, come back tomorrow, the chicken is still defrosting.

Glebe

  • The Year of the Macaque.
Re: MATTER OF FACT GAME OF THRONES BUT YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT
« Reply #59 on: May 16, 2019, 02:53:47 AM »
TYRION: It's all going on out there! One young lannisters told me, "Leave the battlefield, lest you be slogged by a blue troll"!