Cricket 2019

[Cuellar]

Is there a county cricket stats database like cricinfo's test/odi one?

[Cuellar]

What was thaaaaat Buttler

[sevendaughters]

cricket archive but it's a subscription site. maddeningly comprehensive. you could turn yourself into the new Bill Frindall in a month.

[Cuellar]

hmm is tempting

£50 a year fuck off

[Cuellar]

ah ha ha

[sevendaughters]

oh GAWD.

[Norton Canes]

Good catch that

Hang on, they can be sure 100% that didn't touch the turf? Bollocks.

[dontrunyoullfall]

12, 13 not bad scores for an England batsman in this day and age. It's not all doom and gloom.

[Norton Canes]

Is the series still officially a whitewash if it finishes 4-0?

[Cuellar]

Considering the weather forecast, all they had to do was hang around

[Bobby Treetops]

All out by tea?

[Inspector Norse]

What really, really fucks me off about how terrible England's batting is is that everyone in the world knows what the problems are yet the management and coaches do absolutely fuck all about them and in fact just keep on doing things to exacerbate them.

It's the smugness and arrogance of them, "oh our way is best" having ruined the techniques of Bairstow and Root, their fucking obsession with trying to crowbar anyone who's half-decent in one-dayers into the test side, the people upstairs at the ECB ensuring no more decent batsmen are coming through either by totally sidelining the county game. They've got away with it for ages because the bowlers and the odd lower-order revival have bailed them out time and time again, but enough is surely enough now.

It's disgusting and the worst part is that even a well-deserved utter cunting in this series won't make much difference, because they won't take a blind bit of notice and they'll probably decide the best solution is to make the entire test side stop playing any red-ball cricket in order to "maintain their focus", or perhaps just not play tests at all.

[Inspector Norse]

Hang on, they can be sure 100% that didn't touch the turf? Bollocks.

Soft signal was out so there wasn't enough evidence to overturn it I guess.

I personally think the benefit of the doubt should be with the batsman in those situations, but it's fair enough that it's with the umpire.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It isn't even the coaches, look at the fans suggestions, look how many advocate dropping what batsmen there are for more fucking bowlers or all rounders.

There should always be minimum 5 specialist first class batsmen with maybe 1 who can bowl part time, then an all rounder at 6 (Stokes), a wicket keeper who is handy with the bat, a number 8 who is either the spinner or a pace bowler. Of the pace bowlers a swing bowler, a seam bowler and a hit the deck attacking bowler, ideally one of the 3 being left armers.

The fact is, we do in fact possess the ability to field such a side but our absolute dog shit test management and the best dressed retards in existence, Ed Smith and James Taylor who happily take all the credit for their limited successes and none of the criticism for their woeful choices.

Had we not treated debutant batsmen like shit just for being worse than Pietersen we might even have a team of determined, experienced players capable of occupying the crease and grinding batsmen down.

Instead we have the technically suspect, albeit patient Burns, the Burns, patient. Root coming in too early against the new ball, fucking Buttler at 5, I mean Hahahaha... What?! Ali actually taking to the field to play for England as though it's 2015... And Denly playing for England. And Roy facing Hazelwood with the Dukes ball at Lord's.

Many of whom have had to bounce straight from the world cup. Dismal.

[Inspector Norse]

It isn't even the coaches, look at the fans suggestions, look how many advocate dropping what batsmen there are for more fucking bowlers or all rounders.

To be fair I think there's a case for dropping Denly for Curran - but I would also move Stokes up to 3 in that scenario, and reduce his bowling workload. He's the one guy who seems to retain some idea of how to bed in and play the conditions.

But anyway, odd match situation now - Australia acting like they're desperate, bringing Smith on and wasting reviews in ludicrous ways, despite the fact England are 200-6. Despite that I do think another collapse is imminent and we won't make 250.

[sevendaughters]

250 on the board and then the Aus batsmen on and off because of rain might be good? Clutching at straws a bit.

[The Boston Crab]

Just put the one day team out there and tell them to cunt it around for the fifty overs and declare twice.

[Cuellar]

Isn't that exactly what they've done (minus Morgan)

[Cuellar]

Do they have any other tactics?

[Inspector Norse]

Do they have any other tactics?

Yeah prod and panic to 132 all out

[Inspector Norse]

Archer ducking under Cummins' short stuff like seriously? You want to bounce me?

Then fiddling with his box because he's clearly getting hard thinking about bowling to these tomorrow.

[sevendaughters]

Archer ducking under Cummins' short stuff like seriously? You want to bounce me?

Then fiddling with his box because he's clearly getting hard thinking about bowling to these tomorrow.

in ten minutes more like.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Wow that last shot off Bairstow absolutely sucked diseased dog cock

The only man who starts 'getting on with it' by immediately getting out

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Hahahaha

Broad


BYE DAVE MATE

[Inspector Norse]

FOR FUCK'S SAKE HOW MANY LIVES ARE THEY GOING TO GIVE WARNER

LEARN TO REVIEW YOU TUBES

[Inspector Norse]

It's really cruel of Australia sending their tailenders out to open against Broad and Archer, I must say.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

As long as we just get Warner and Smith out for piddles for the rest of the series that will do me. Bayliss is off anyway and if you just look at test coaching then at fucking long last. He has been really bad.

We should have a coach for all 3 formats and a performance director anyway imo

[Inspector Norse]

Absolutely

Make Morgan player-coach for the short formats and someone like Hussain for the tests.

[Inspector Norse]

But knowing England it'll be Freddie Flintoff for everything.

And SWANNY as "Head of Banter Development" or something

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Would sort out the travel commitment objections we are getting from mercenaries who would rather spend 2 weeks getting pissed and paid millions to shout motivational bullshit at Sterident Poznan Cuntlords XI