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March 28, 2024, 06:29:05 PM

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Cricket 2019

Started by iamcoop, May 14, 2019, 08:29:50 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Quote on August 17, 2019, 06:59:30 PM
Didn't lose a cheap wicket right before the end of play?

Genuinely shocked.

It rained, depriving us of the opportunity to shit our pants.

Archer is going down in history tomorrow. He's going to win us this Test and set us up for the series. Legendary. Five kills.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: The Boston Crab on August 17, 2019, 07:04:10 PM
Archer is going down in history tomorrow. He's going to win us this Test and set us up for the series. Legendary. Five kills.

Glad Smith lived to remember that ball flooring him in the cerebral fucking cortex. If the cunt had died you can't respect that. Died and escaped. Cannot respect that.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

That was a painful question on TMS:

Mitchell Johnson, what's going to happen tomorrow?

"Eh..uhhh...umm...wickets...runs.........time....."

Just say I have no fucking idea, that's allowed.

Thursday

God, Imagine if there hadn't been rain... we'd have already lost.

sevendaughters

watched the C5 highlights but I wanted a ball-by-ball of Archer on Smith really. that's cricket, not Tim Paine eking it to fine leg.

We've got a guy here who can make the difference and the Aussies are shitting themselves.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Yeah anyone got a video of the spell rather than just the arm ball and brain ball?

poo

England can win this.

BlodwynPig

Quote from: The Boston Crab on August 17, 2019, 04:40:24 PM
Aussies on r/cricket are having an eppy because Jofra didn't walk over immediately and then he was chuckling with Jos back at his mark.

The world's cuntiest ever sporting nation, with three actual banned cheats in the team and fans of the 'broken fuckin arm' are now suddenly the moral arbiters. I sympathise enormously about the Phil Hughes accident, absolutely tragic, and Clarke at the eulogy made me actually cry and decide Clarke was deep down a decent bloke but they can fuck right off with this sanctimonious hypocrisy.

All it means is that they're SHIT SCARED of Archer and seen that their one and only hope, a fucking banned cheat, is his punchbag bunny.

You sound proper riled. Its only a game like croquet

poo



Have you ever heard of the BRAINLINE series?

No?

You're LIVING it.

iamcoop

Nice from Alec Stewart on the TMS podcast.

"How should Archer approach bowling to Smith tomorrow?"

"Smash him. Smash him until he is literally dead and his face is in pieces."

"Thanks Alec."

Shoulders?-Stomach!

'No-one likes seeing anyone get hurt so sever his nervous system entirely. Duke ball to the C column. You can't feel pain after that, trust me. Lights out. 1-1.'

Hopefully Archer will 'misdirect' one and take out Root, eyeless and brain exploded. Could be the making of his captaincy.

It's raining in this part of the world. Draw inevitable.

Inspector Norse

While I do not genuinely wish harm on any player, I would love it if Smith's batting went completely to pot now; the way Broad's did after he got that knock a few years ago.

Inspector Norse

Quote from: Emotional Support Peacock on August 18, 2019, 10:13:23 AM
It's raining in this part of the world. Draw inevitable.

Still plenty of time for England to collapse to 123 all out and Australia to win by 10 wickets scoring all the runs by top-edging Archer bouncers for six.

Thursday

A delayed start to compound England's embarrassment later.

Bullshit. This is going to be exponential grave by tea.

Puttin on a hurt.

BLITZ SPRIT.

Cultural genocide.

Heard Smudgie woke up singing Tracy Jacks thinking it was only 1994.

Only realised when he saw his balls had dropped but then they slurped back up inside his gooch when he remembered de brain beats.

Heard the guy turned into a psychological puddle last night when they served jollof rice at dinner. Langer scooped him up like a baby and had to pour him into his cot.

PTSD

sevendaughters

all jokes aside some of the carelordery re: Archer's bowling yesterday is saaaaaaaaaaad.

Thursday

Quote from: sevendaughters on August 18, 2019, 11:50:24 AM
all jokes aside some of the carelordery re: Archer's bowling yesterday is saaaaaaaaaaad.

Look, I  should be clear as it's apparently necessary now. I don't really want anyone to die as a result of his bowling, it's just in the spirit of the thread of absurdly over the top and aggressive.

A simple career ending injury is enough.

iamcoop

Quote from: Inspector Norse on August 18, 2019, 10:48:13 AM
While I do not genuinely wish harm on any player, I would love it if Smith's batting went completely to pot now; the way Broad's did after he got that knock a few years ago.

This. Don't want anyone to get genuinely hurt but I'd love Smith to be completely psychologically fucked against any quick bowling for the rest of his career.

But for the purposes of the thread I want his nervous system to make Mohammed Ali's final years look as graceful as Simone Biles.

iamcoop

Quote from: Inspector Norse on August 18, 2019, 10:48:13 AM
While I do not genuinely wish harm on any player, I would love it if Smith's batting went completely to pot now; the way Broad's did after he got that knock a few years ago.



"But doctor, I am Pagliacci"


Yeah, I should probably also clarify my genuine opinion because of the nature of the thread and how easy it is to say terrible shit in an ironic way and all that:

I hope he kills the whole Australian team.

finnquark

Don't you wish you were as straightforward as the man in the booth at TMS who laughs hysterically every time someone mentions Boycott being a defensive player?


Quote

Quote from: finnquark on August 18, 2019, 12:09:20 PM
Don't you wish you were as straightforward as the man in the booth at TMS who laughs hysterically every time someone mentions Boycott being a defensive player?

Isn't that young Henry or whatever he's called, the youthful producer who seems to indulge Aggers' worst traits?

It is all a bit smug, like those cunts with banjo's they sometimes allow in to sing hilarious cricket-related ditties. Cricket's not all public school japery, sometimes it's just about Jofra sending down a brain missile and chuckling to himself as another Australian corpse is scraped off the popping crease.

iamcoop

Quote from: sevendaughters on August 18, 2019, 12:13:27 PM
Man Mountain Cornwall speaks, reveals unlikely cricketing hero: https://www.espncricinfo.com/story/_/id/27411543/being-consistent-long-periods-challenge-enjoy-says-rahkeem-cornwall

Say what you want about Cornwall but the man has a cracking pair of tits on him.