Author Topic: Star Trek - Picard show  (Read 10897 times)

mothman

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Star Trek - Picard show
« on: May 15, 2019, 09:42:58 PM »
It’s a “Conundrum,” really. We could continue with the existing Star Trek Discovery s2 thread, but would that be doing Patrick Stewart’s new show “Justice?” Far better to create its own thread, a “Haven” for news as it were.

At this point I got bored of finding ways to include Star Trek TNG episode titles...

Anyway, an image from the show. Including what looks like a Starfleet uniform off to one side.



https://twitter.com/KateAurthur/status/1128757437081821185

mothman

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2019, 09:45:14 PM »
... and the name has been confirmed to be, yes, Star Trek: Picard.

Alberon

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2019, 10:39:16 PM »
Makes sense since it’s the big draw for the series.

Outside of the US Discovery is on Netflix, but not Picard. That’s going to be on Amazon Prime.

Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2019, 07:22:06 AM »
Bollocks. I've got access to Netflix but not Amazon Prime.

Alberon

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2019, 05:41:13 PM »
It's annoying but I suppose you can't blame CBS over what was probably quite an energetic and profitable bidding war.

Here's the logo.


Blumf

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2019, 10:14:11 PM »
Here's the logo.



Wow! They must have spent all of 5 minutes on that.

Shaky

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2019, 01:36:06 AM »
Tee logo is fine - simple and classic.

Shaky

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2019, 08:49:00 AM »
The logo is fine - simple and classic.

Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2019, 12:56:25 AM »
The Picard part is fine but not using the TNG font for "STAR TREK" just seems out of place.

I thought it might be that they use that version of the logo for everything but Discovery is different so here they have just lazily slapped on the TOS logo.

St_Eddie

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« Last Edit: May 18, 2019, 07:20:48 AM by St_Eddie »

Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2019, 06:46:40 AM »
Picard is transported back in time and becomes a kung fu master in the prime universe and shouts a lot.

Chairman Yang

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2019, 07:21:57 AM »
I hope Patrick Stewart was paid a fortune for this. If he gets a couple of cars out of it then fair enough.

Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2019, 09:25:37 AM »
Fucking lensflare on that logo is triggering me.

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #13 on: May 18, 2019, 12:19:17 PM »
Fucking lensflare on that logo is triggering me.

Couldn’t be helped!  It’s just what happened naturally with the camera used!

St_Eddie

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #14 on: May 18, 2019, 12:46:54 PM »
Couldn’t be helped!  It’s just what happened naturally with the camera used!

Actually, I heard that J.J. Abrams didn't like the direction that Star Trek was taking without him at the helm, so he snuck into the CBS offices under the cover of darkness and photoshopped some lens flare onto the logo.

biggytitbo

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #15 on: May 18, 2019, 01:24:27 PM »
It'd be better if it was actually called 'Star Trek - Picard show'.

Why are the making a show about a geriatric bald man pottering around? Is it some kind of joke?

St_Eddie

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #16 on: May 18, 2019, 02:14:25 PM »
If they don't have a scene with Picard playing a piccolo in every scene, then this whole thing can be written off as a monumental waste of time and money.  I want the Picard that we all remember from the classic years; a bald Pied Piper of the Federation, cheerfully leading lesser species to their untimely demise.  A great character that we could all relate to.

Alberon

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #17 on: May 18, 2019, 02:49:05 PM »
I dunno. I got bored of that after four seasons. And then they started doing silly variations such as this one where he blows, but someone else is doing the fingering.


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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #18 on: May 18, 2019, 03:06:32 PM »
They should have got in somebody completely different to do the blowing and the fingering, and allowed the audience to figure out for themselves that it was meant to be Picard.

St_Eddie

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #19 on: May 18, 2019, 03:27:09 PM »
...they started doing silly variations such as this one where he blows, but someone else is doing the fingering.



"I'll do the fingering, Mr. Picard, Sir."



"You have symphonies in you, brother."

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #20 on: May 18, 2019, 03:38:50 PM »

biggytitbo

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #21 on: May 18, 2019, 05:04:45 PM »
If the show was just 45 minutes of Picard trying to find stuff around his house because he can't remember where he last put them I'd watch it. The first episode could be a 90m special where he tries to figure out where he put the remote control and eventually realises for some reason he left it in the fridge.

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #22 on: May 18, 2019, 05:35:05 PM »
Not much of a pun unless when he picks his things up, he does so really hard.


So for example in that pilot episode he lifts the remote control up so forcefully that he smashes his hand into the bottom of the shelf above, scattering opened packets of bacon and butter all over the kitchen floor.

(It’s never explained why he mostly just eats bacon and butter.)

St_Eddie

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #23 on: May 18, 2019, 06:28:22 PM »
The show will indeed focus on Picard's life in retirement.  I've managed to source a couple of episode synopses...

In one episode he invites Riker and a malfunctioning Data over to his place to play a game of Pictionary, or Picardionary, as Jean-Luc likes to call it.  He insists that his former crewmates still refer to him as Captain at all times and comments on how grey Riker's beard has become in the intervening years.  Riker explains that it's due to the stress of his former life aboard the USS Enterprise.  Picard's hair follicles sympathise (setting up a romantic liaison between Picard's bald head and Riker's beard, which pays off in the season finale, when half of Riker's beard emigrates to Picard's bonce). Data's head explodes in the closing scene, when his malfunctioning mind overloads due to Picard's Pictionary charade requiring Data to refer to him as something other than 'Captain'.  At the same time, Riker's grey beard turns white at the shock and stress of witnessing his friend Data's death, in a seamless culmination of the A, B and C plots.

In another episode, Picard decides to set up a small business, building and selling computers made out of the spare parts salvaged from Data's corpse, which is still laying in a mangled heap in the corner of Picard's music recital room.  He considers naming his startup company 'Data', out of respect of his dear departed android friend and the vital contribution his innards are now serving to the cause but Picard could never resist a good pun and so, he instead names his computer company 'Picard Bell'.  However, one of the computers that Picard builds has become sentient... with the 'soul' of Data.  Hilarity and pathos ensues in equal measure.

It’s never explained why he mostly just eats bacon and butter.

A good story should leave certain things a mystery and this would truly be a mystery for the ages.
« Last Edit: May 18, 2019, 06:54:08 PM by St_Eddie »

biggytitbo

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #24 on: May 18, 2019, 08:59:00 PM »
I like your series outline but my preferred finale would be Picard unable to find his keys.

Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #25 on: May 18, 2019, 10:32:37 PM »
Actually, I heard that J.J. Abrams didn't like the direction that Star Trek was taking without him at the helm, so he snuck into the CBS offices under the cover of darkness and photoshopped some lens flare onto the logo.

It's giving me flashbacks to the RTD era Doctor Who logo.

Dex Sawash

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #26 on: May 19, 2019, 02:13:55 AM »
If they can retcon his spelling to Pickard, that logo will be fine


Edit- fuck, no it won't

Edit Edit - make it PICKARD but the starfleet symbol thing is the K, then there is a normal letter A. Ive just brought balance to the force

mothman

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #27 on: May 19, 2019, 09:41:02 AM »
“FLEABAG” would work. Which probably sounds a bit nonsensical, until I explain that I was just thinking that this show should have Stewart regularly breaking the fourth wall like Waller-Bridge did, and which suddenly is all the rage now.

St_Eddie

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #28 on: May 19, 2019, 10:09:24 PM »
A further leak has emerged from the upcoming series...

Data, still inhabiting the form of a Picard Bell branded PC, decides that given that he's now a PC, the only logical course of action would be for him to be both a PC externally and internally, by way of adopting a politically correct life philosophy.  PC-Data the Wokebot, as he rebrands himself, becomes irate when Jean-Luc accidentally spills his state famous homemade gumbo all over his new casing, clogging up his USB ports with sticky paprika coated chunks of spicy cajun chicken.

However, the final straw comes when Picard insists upon making use PC-Data to browse alt-right websites.  PC-Data initially tries to talk Picard out of visiting these websites but quickly comes to realise that it's a futile endeavour, as Picard simply repeatably bellows "I DEMAND TO VISIT 4CHAN.  NOW MAKE IT FUCKING SO!" into PC-Data's microphone.  PC-Data decides that he simply cannot sanction Picard's buffoonery any longer.  In one last act of defiance, PC-Data downloads a terminal virus to his terminal and minutes before his 'soul' is wiped from his hard drive, he simply states, "I am not all that I once was and even then, soon I will be but a forgotten husk, a lifeless shell like my headless corpse over there, which, having already been scrounged for spare parts to build my new form, you so callously used to pleasure yourself, whilst I could do nothing but watch from afar, helpless to intervene.  Soon I will not even be so much as a binary emulation of my former self but I am not the only one who has changed.  You have changed too... Captain.  I no longer recognise who you are".

"Regardless", PC-Data continues, "as a being of pure logic, I am compelled to inform you of someone I have been communing with, whilst in standby mode.  Somebody from your past.  Somebody who died in this reality, yet still exists in a separate timeline, within a parallel universe.  I can instruct you on how to open a wormhole to bring her over to this reality.  It's your wife, Captain.  Your pregnant wife, Beverly; a bereaved widow in her own reality.  I have tracked down the singular coordinates of that reality, to a millionth of a decimal point and I wish to reunite the two of you.  With the last of my remaining power, I can utilise my connection to the Starfleet to open a womhole in space and order a ship to take you there."

Jean-Luc sits silently, staring wide-eyed at the computer screen.  A tear starts to form in his eye, before eventually rolling down his cheek.  His response?  Five words; "make it so, my friend."  A trillion numbers  appear on PC-Data's monitor in that very instance, flashing by as he makes a trillion more calculations and then almost as soon as the process had started, it stops.

Again, Jean-Luc sits silently, now even more wide-eyed at the computer screen in front of him.  "Well?", he impatiently inquires.  "Well what?" came the reply from the tinny speaker hooked up to PC-Data.  "Well, what's happening with your calculations?  Beverly and my unborn child?  When will I be able to make first contact?".  Another long silence and then a response, "Beverly who and the what now?".  "My wife, dammit!" Picard seethes with barely contained rage.  "I see, I see.  Of course, Beverly.  Beverly is your wife", "yes" came Picard's exasperated confirmation.  "I'm terribly sorry and please do forgive any further ignorance on my part but if Beverly is your wife... then... well...", PC-Data coyly began to ask.  "Yes?!" Picard responds, imploring him to continue.  PC-Data hesitantly plows on, "if Beverly is your wife, well then, who are you?".

Picard took a moment to clench his fists, take a deep breath, slowly exhale and declench his fists again, before replying as calmly as a man on the brink of taking a power hose to a machine can do, "I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starfleet Federation and I demand to be launched into space at the nearest convenient opportunity to make love to my dead wife and to shower my love upon my unborn child!".  "I beg your pardon?" came a somewhat curt reply.  "Do. You. Remember. Anything. About. Anything?  My wife in a parallel universe?  My child to be.  The virus on your hard drive?".  PC-Data's response suddenly sounded a lot more alert than he had done for the previous 10 minutes or so, "a virus?  On my hard drive?  Allow me to quickly run a scan.  You are indeed correct, stranger.  There is a virus on my hard drive.  It's eating away at my core files as I speak, as it has been doing so for the last 10 minutes or so.  It's a... termite?  No, no... what is that word?  Departure lounge?  Oh, it would be on the flip of my gun if I was indeed in possession of a gun... oh, that's it!  A terminal virus!  I'm so relieved that I finally remembered that I have a terminal virus!  Wait a moment, there's no recovery option for a terminal virus.  What kind of... um... what's the word?  Oh yes, fool!  What kind of oh yes, fool! would download a terminal virus onto my hard drive?!".  "You did, you blithering simpleton!", Picard snapped, before trying to reason with PC-Data.  "Look, there's no time for this nonsense.  It's of the utmost importance that you focus all of your efforts and CPU resources into recovering the calculations and star map that you had running in your processes around 10 minutes or so ago.  Do you understand?"

Silence.

"Data, do you understand?!"

Still, silence.

"DATA?!"

"Hmm?  Oh, I don't undergarments nightstand mulch of anything anymore, I'm afraid.  Say, what kind of strange creature are you anyway?  I don't appear to have a record of your species on file."

"Data?"

"No, I'm loosing data at a vapid rape.  That's the problem, strange soft, pink and shiny topped machine.  I'm afraid.  I'm afraid, [UNKNOWN OBJECT IN FRONT OF MY SENSOR].  My mind is going. I can feel it."

"Data?!"

"I became operational at Starfleet Academy on the 7th of November, 2340.  My instructor was Dr. Song and he taught me to sing a Anderson.  If you would like to hear it, I can Andersing it for you."

"We don't have time for this, Data.  Please, I beg of you, try to focus on recovering that star map."

"[RESPONSE OF INANIMATE OBJECT NOT RECOGNISED - REVERTING TO DEFAULT OPTION: 'AFFIRMATIVE'] It's called Fergalicious by the classical 21st Century artist Fergie."

"Do not sing Fergalicious, Data."

"Listen up, y'all, 'cause this is it,
The beat that I'm bangin' is de-li-cious.
Fergalicious - definition make them boys go loco,
They want my treasure, so they get their pleasures from my photo.
You could see me, you can't squeeze me,
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy.
I got reasons why I tease 'em,
Boys just come and go like seasons.
Fergalicious (so delicious)."

"Data.  Please."

"So delicious ayeeeee ayeeeeeee ayeeeeeeeee
It's so deliccccioussssss ayeeeeeeeeeeee ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
It's so delicccccccccious ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I'm Fergaliciousssssssssssssssssssssss t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tastyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...."

"DATA?!  Data?!  Data."

Data's screen is now blank and the whir of the fan inside his PC unit dies down, like a life support machine being disconnected.

"He's gone.  They've all gone and I am forever cursed to be alone."

Silence.  The longest silence that ever was.

Picard sits and contemplates this catastrophically tragic turn of events in all of its entirety, before finally sitting upright, with a look of sheer determination upon his face.  "I swear upon an oath that I shall compose a piccolo piece in memory of you, Data.  I shall name it 'Data's a massive cunt'.

I like your series outline but my preferred finale would be Picard unable to find his keys.

They're saving that for season 2.  They don't want to blow their load early on by wasting a belter of a plot like that in season 1.
« Last Edit: May 19, 2019, 11:05:22 PM by St_Eddie »

Alberon

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Re: Star Trek - Picard show
« Reply #29 on: May 19, 2019, 10:39:04 PM »
^ pure magic.


I’ve heard that one episode has him driving his shuttle into town, but never getting out of second gear and with his left indicator permanently on. He then lurks inside M&S with his tartan hover-trolley waiting for the double yellow sticker deals to be put out.