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330ml IPA in Garish Can

Started by touchingcloth, May 16, 2019, 11:53:00 PM

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touchingcloth

Quote from: hummingofevil on May 19, 2019, 10:24:45 PM
Argh. Check mate. Touche. I don't mind a quirky cushion but I hate the wall hangings in Home Bargains saying such shit. I did have one once however that said "I Believe I Can Fly" which I thought he was hilarious until he was outted as a definite paedo.

My parents are dead keen on The Range, and when I went into one with them I was tempted by a bit of MDF printed to look like it was old planks of wood with a handpainted "#hashtag" written on it.

hummingofevil

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on May 19, 2019, 10:00:04 PM
Bet he has a wall with 'inspirational' shit on it in italics.

During a staff training day everyone had to do inspiration and motivational shit. I was explicitly told I was not allowed to mark the 150 books I had that needed doing instead despite claiming I was sufficiently motivated to do so and must do something to improve my wellness instead (my suggestion of doing my marking during school time and then going to pub with my actual friend in real life in my own time was poopooed as being far to passe).

So I made a "Heather Small Wall". I took down a corridor display that some kids did about Uruguay and replaced it with my own effort. I printed off a different picture of Heather Small for each member of staff, matched the mood of each picture to what I perceived to the personality different Tekkers and covered the walls with it. I then gave the staff post-it notes and asked them to write down responses to the question "What have you done today to make you feel... proud?"

I was kinda hoping I would get a bollocking as I thought it was a hugely successful pisstake aimed at undermining the spirit of the day and pointing out the complete fucking waste of time it all was and how I basically got paid £150 from taxpayer to do that.

Well you can guess what happened? Staff absolutely loved it and not only covered it in self-congratulation but many of them kept updating their Heather Small throughout the year. Got praise off the head too.

I quit teaching last year after 15 years.

touchingcloth

Quote from: hummingofevil on May 19, 2019, 10:35:12 PM
During a staff training day everyone had to do inspiration and motivational shit. I was explicitly told I was not allowed to mark the 150 books I had that needed doing instead despite claiming I was sufficiently motivated to do so and must do something to improve my wellness instead (my suggestion of doing my marking during school time and then going to pub with my actual friend in real life in my own time was poopooed as being far to passe).

So I made a "Heather Small Wall". I took down a corridor display that some kids did about Uruguay and replaced it with my own effort. I printed off a different picture of Heather Small for each member of staff, matched the mood of each picture to what I perceived to the personality different Tekkers and covered the walls with it. I then gave the staff post-it notes and asked them to write down responses to the question "What have you done today to make you feel... proud?"

I was kinda hoping I would get a bollocking as I thought it was a hugely successful pisstake aimed at undermining the spirit of the day and pointing out the complete fucking waste of time it all was and how I basically got paid £150 from taxpayer to do that.

Well you can guess what happened? Staff absolutely loved it and not only covered it in self-congratulation but many of them kept updating their Heather Small throughout the year. Got praise off the head too.

I quit teaching last year after 15 years.

Did it make you feel proud? Was it representative of your best work?

hummingofevil

I did actually finally crack after seeing how my handiwork was being received - that rare sense of appreciation for my efforts that was seriously lacking in my final few years of the job pushed me into a brief moment of delusional pride; my lone post-it note contribution on my Heather Small  simply read "I made a Heather Small Wall".

Sebastian Cobb

My work were threatening an 'away day' the other day. The words 'escape room' were mentioned; I think I'm leaving anyway, but if not I'm going to sneak a holiday over that bullshit.

touchingcloth

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on May 19, 2019, 10:43:21 PM
My work were threatening an 'away day' the other day. The words 'escape room' were mentioned; I think I'm leaving anyway, but if not I'm going to sneak a holiday over that bullshit.

Mate. I would love to do an escape room if the fifty quid or whatever it costs weren't coming from my own pocket. "Plasterboard, that. Let's punch our way out."

I'm not a violent or a strong man, but I am contrarian enough to relish the idea of punching the fuck out of a room knowing that if anyone complained I could do a convincing job of feigning that I believed being told to escape meant that anything would go.

Sebastian Cobb

That is a good plan but on the other hand: lie in.

touchingcloth

Lie in, rock up late, punch the total fuck out of a room, hand your notice in.

gib

Quote from: touchingcloth on May 19, 2019, 10:57:19 PM
Mate. I would love to do an escape room if the fifty quid or whatever it costs weren't coming from my own pocket. "Plasterboard, that. Let's punch our way out."

I'm not a violent or a strong man, but I am contrarian enough to relish the idea of punching the fuck out of a room knowing that if anyone complained I could do a convincing job of feigning that I believed being told to escape meant that anything would go.

if work are also paying Cobbers for his time then it would be preposterous not to go, if only for the resulting report posted here.

touchingcloth

Quote from: gib on May 20, 2019, 12:02:11 AM
if work are also paying Cobbers for his time then it would be preposterous not to go, if only for the resulting report posted here.

Seconded. Is that binding now?

Sebastian Cobb

Wouldn't you rather know what I did with the day off? I can guarantee there would be even more pooing and wanking.

touchingcloth

One poo and one wank in an escape room will be plenty. Send pics.

Ferris

Quote from: touchingcloth on May 20, 2019, 12:29:14 AM
One poo and one wank in an escape room will be plenty. Send pics.

In an escape room, you could poo and wank at your soon-to-be former colleagues.

Like a safari park chimp at a software company.

easytarget

Quote from: idunnosomename on May 19, 2019, 09:27:30 AM
Wow you still have a laptop with a mouse nipple. Though you won't for long if you keep putting beer on top of it
I know what I'm doing. Also that's a terrible laptop and my wife would be delighted if a can of beer sent it to shitty electronics heaven.

a duncandisorderly

Quote from: hummingofevil on May 19, 2019, 10:35:12 PM
During a staff training day everyone had to do inspiration and motivational shit. I was explicitly told I was not allowed to mark the 150 books I had that needed doing instead despite claiming I was sufficiently motivated to do so and must do something to improve my wellness instead (my suggestion of doing my marking during school time and then going to pub with my actual friend in real life in my own time was poopooed as being far to passe).

So I made a "Heather Small Wall". I took down a corridor display that some kids did about Uruguay and replaced it with my own effort. I printed off a different picture of Heather Small for each member of staff, matched the mood of each picture to what I perceived to the personality different Tekkers and covered the walls with it. I then gave the staff post-it notes and asked them to write down responses to the question "What have you done today to make you feel... proud?"

I was kinda hoping I would get a bollocking as I thought it was a hugely successful pisstake aimed at undermining the spirit of the day and pointing out the complete fucking waste of time it all was and how I basically got paid £150 from taxpayer to do that.

Well you can guess what happened? Staff absolutely loved it and not only covered it in self-congratulation but many of them kept updating their Heather Small throughout the year. Got praise off the head too.

I quit teaching last year after 15 years.

Quote from: hummingofevil on May 19, 2019, 10:41:25 PM
I did actually finally crack after seeing how my handiwork was being received - that rare sense of appreciation for my efforts that was seriously lacking in my final few years of the job pushed me into a brief moment of delusional pride; my lone post-it note contribution on my Heather Small  simply read "I made a Heather Small Wall".

this is fucking genius. I pity the C&Bers who've stopped away from this thread on account of it ostensibly being about shitty beer cans, & missed this gem. bravo.