Farting husband punched and booted out of bed by angry wife

[Flatulent Fox]

https://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3079-farting-husband-punched-and-booted-out-of-bed-by-angry-wife.html

[touchingcloth]

Zimbabwe News Online doesn't get linked nearly often enough here.

[Chollis]

I wouldn't kick her out of bed for farting!!!!!!!!

[Dex Sawash]

this does not seem like news to me

[jobotic]

The "Strange News" section has three stories involving goblins.

[touchingcloth]

Mpumalanga woman has been arrested after she thoroughly beat up her husband as punishment for farting in bed. Fikile Nyamane claimed that he was elbowed by his wife Nompumelelo after she woke up because of his persistent farting.
The enraged woman saddled her sleepy spouse and started punching, scratching and kicking him. Fikile fell out of bed and the fight erupted.

Great uses of "thoroughly", "persistent", "saddled" and "erupted". Applause from this cabber.

[touchingcloth]

Chitungwiza man belwildered as he continues to mensurate every month

In a case of suspected juju, a 40-year-old Chitungwiza man claims he is experiencing menstruation periods for the past two weeks.

Joseph Mwale showed H-Metro how he is experiencing pains during urination and discharging blood accusing his wife Sheilah Kahari of bewitching him.

"I am in pain brother, to be honest with you I have been cheating on my wife and I strongly suspect that my wife used juju on me," said Joseph.

"At first I thought it was bilharzia but it is not and the pain forced me to confess to my wife and we later engaged our relatives including my in-laws. As we speak my in-laws are expecting me to buy a beast to give my wife of 15 years as a fine for cheating on her"

https://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3196-chitungwiza-man-belwildered-as-he-continues-to-mensurate-every-month.html

[Chollis]

Chitungwiza man belwildered as he continues to mensurate every month

In a case of suspected juju, a 40-year-old Chitungwiza man claims he is experiencing menstruation periods for the past two weeks.

Joseph Mwale showed H-Metro how he is experiencing pains during urination and discharging blood accusing his wife Sheilah Kahari of bewitching him.

"I am in pain brother, to be honest with you I have been cheating on my wife and I strongly suspect that my wife used juju on me," said Joseph.

"At first I thought it was bilharzia but it is not and the pain forced me to confess to my wife and we later engaged our relatives including my in-laws. As we speak my in-laws are expecting me to buy a beast to give my wife of 15 years as a fine for cheating on her"

https://zimbabwenewsonline.com/index.php/strange_news/3196-chitungwiza-man-belwildered-as-he-continues-to-mensurate-every-month.html

"I can cause cheats to experience things like menstruation, developing female or male organs or talking to animals so as to force you back to your wife," said Sekuru Banda.

[touchingcloth]

[Mr Eggs]

The "Strange News" section has three stories involving goblins.

Is that a real Goblin?

A Necromancer in Gweru has threatened a local prophet and his congregants with death in accidents if the church prophet does not return his goblins

GIZ ME GOBLINS BACK.

[touchingcloth]

Is that a real Goblin?

It's a gremlin they're reversible, and you can pull it out through its mouth to make a fluffy toy.

[Sebastian Cobb]

That's a boglin, you putz!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Love how a basic urinary tract infection is AIDS PERIOD GOBLINS in Zimbabwe, great lads.

[touchingcloth]

The man pictured above on gremlins:

Some have powers to collect women's panties and anyone with the panties collected I will have power to have sex with her during the night and her husband will be in deep sleep.

The goblins allow me to have sex with my daughters and I bedded all my daughters and I have panties of several women including my daughters' as well.

My victims will come to know that I have bedded them after sex and I feed these goblins with either mealie-meal, water and other things.

One of the goblins is so angry with me after they were exposed following the sickness of my daughter in-law, I bedded her also.

I had a misunderstanding with my daughter in-law after she encroached into my field and I became angry forcing the goblins to attack her and this is how the goblins started attacking me

Goblins. A great bunch of lads.

[Clatty McCutcheon]

This has exposed where poo got his material about the Limpopo Fart Barn.

[Captain Z]

Excellent username/avatar/thread title combo.

[touchingcloth]

The goblins are now unleashing a reign of terror on male teachers allegedly molesting them and squeezing hard their balls in their sleep. So cheeky are the goblins that they also aggressively squeeze their testicles each time they want to be intimate with their wives.


"We are now going through a hard time with these menacing creatures. Hardly a few weeks after a cleansing ceremony was conducted at the school, the goblins have now directed their menace on male teachers by squeezing their testicles when they are asleep.


"The torture is usually felt when one wants to have sex with his wife as the creatures aggressively squeeze the balls to an extent that you will not do so," said one of the affected male teachers who requested anonymity for fear of reprisals.

Cheeky goblins!

[Replies From View]

Why only teachers?


A NAUGHTY DOG DID IT!  LOOK STEW THERE IT IS!!


Cheeky goblins scampering through empty playgrounds is a wonderful image.

[St_Eddie]

A NAUGHTY DOG DID IT!  LOOK STEW THERE IT IS!!

Yes, that's genuine and yes, that's the same Naughty Dog that went on to develop the Crash Bandicoot and Uncharted games, folks.

[BlodwynPig]

Is that a real Goblin?

GIZ ME GOBLINS BACK.

It says goblin in the photo credit on the page

[BlodwynPig]

Why only teachers?


A NAUGHTY DOG DID IT!  LOOK STEW THERE IT IS!!


Cheeky goblins scampering through empty playgrounds is a wonderful image.

<<<<"Throwing two dogs at a goblin"

[Replies From View]

Chitungwiza man belwildered as he continues to mensurate every month

In a case of suspected juju, a 40-year-old Chitungwiza man claims he is experiencing menstruation periods for the past two weeks.

Something doesn't add up here.  Although to be fair that might mean the spelling differences aren't a typo.

[touchingcloth]

A NAUGHTY DOG DID IT!  LOOK STEW THERE IT IS!!

Did the worlds of the naughty dog and Stewart Lee ever collide? AIOTM, Innit.

[Replies From View]

Oh


Well they're both forever channelling one another these days so maybe they did.