This is not what you think this is.

[touchingcloth]

I would just like to say that Nigella says you can stir marmite and butter into pasta and that—she thinks—is okay.

She does cook it in an ocean of salty as fuck water, though, so she's doing something right.

She also advocates blending marmite and butter together for spreading onto toast all in one go. She's got my vote x

[Sebastian Cobb]

BAH. Qu'ils mangent de la brioche.

Give me a violin and I'll piss in it.

[pancreas]

Stick to the speed and leave the cooking to me. The least you could do is agree to put some anchovies in with your dairy products. Welcome to Brexit Britain.

[Icehaven]

Is there anything more tedious than standing around making béchamel sauce?

Yes, watching an argument about cooking between people who think that how they like to do something is the only way it should be done.

Only kidding, I'm just bitter (or salty? Or sweet? F*** knows) really as I have a fantastically, almost comically unsophisticated palate. I seriously can't tell the difference between almost anything that many say they can hugely tell the difference between, like diet/non diet Coke, fresh/dried pasta, home made/shop bought sauces etc. I know these people must experience much greater 'food highs' than I can, but also suffer far more from disappointments and have to go to much more effort to eat satisfactorily than me, so swings and roundabouts.

[pancreas]

Sorry—why are you in our thread?

[touchingcloth]

The least you could do is agree to put some anchovies in with your dairy products

...and then throw them at a UKIP.

[touchingcloth]

Yes, watching an argument about cooking between people who think that how they like to do something is the only way it should be done.

Only kidding, I'm just bitter (or salty? Or sweet? F*** knows) really as I have a fantastically, almost comically unsophisticated palate. I seriously can't tell the difference between almost anything that many say they can hugely tell the difference between, like diet/non diet Coke, fresh/dried pasta, home made/shop bought sauces etc. I know these people must experience much greater 'food highs' than I can, but also suffer far more from disappointments and have to go to much more effort to eat satisfactorily than me, so swings and roundabouts.

Nah. I eat the same swill out of buckets as you do and enjoy it just the same because it's basically fine and life sustaining, but I also get to experience the highs. Fuck you and your dogshit palate. I win.

[Icehaven]

No you don't. You've either got your face in the swill with me or you're poncing on about different pasta techniques with this lot, you don't get it both ways.

[pancreas]

Which is it, cloth? Pick a god-damn side.

[Sebastian Cobb]

No you don't. You've either got your face in the swill with me or you're poncing on about different pasta techniques with this lot, you don't get it both ways.

This is bullshit. If Mark Kermode can enjoy bollocks like Bill and Ted, then people who know about food can like a shit chicken kiev every now and then.

[pancreas]

Enough. Everyone who eats take-away pizzas needs to get out of this thread right now.

[touchingcloth]

No you don't. You've either got your face in the swill with me or you're poncing on about different pasta techniques with this lot, you don't get it both ways.

I get exactly the same sensations as you do when you eat your Dr Oetker, but I also enjoy the full joy a sancerre de foie gras en papillote without just thinking "ah, that's a good". 

[Delete Delete Delete]

I thought we had something last night... Your breaking my heart mate. Anti Take
Out Pizza, you Inhuman Monster.

[touchingcloth]

I thought we had something last night... Your breaking my heart mate. Anti Take
Out Pizza, you Inhuman Monster.

He said take away, not take out.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Enough. Everyone who eats take-away pizzas needs to get out of this thread right now.

My old housemate, what I once saw appraise a beige pile of pies, chips and beans and go 'nah, i'll still be hungry' and tip super noodles over the top of it, once looked at me like I was some sort of deviant for putting a chicken kiev between two slices of bread.

[Delete Delete Delete]

Whats the difference?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Whats the difference?

well one's a monstrosity and the other's basically a sandwich with chicken in it. innit.

[touchingcloth]

Whats the difference?

One you take away and the other you take out.

[pancreas]

My old housemate, what I once saw appraise a beige pile of pies, chips and beans and go 'nah, i'll still be hungry' and tip super noodles over the top of it, once looked at me like I was some sort of deviant for putting a chicken kiev between two slices of bread.

In a way, we're all in the gutter, looking at the stars. It's just that some of us are more gutteral than others.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I always preferred Better Living through Chemistry.

[touchingcloth]

In a way, we're all in the gutter, looking at the stars. It's just that some of us are more gutteral than others.

Peep this. You're in the gutter. You're trapped on your back like a turtle and you can't right yourself. You're going "argh I've falled in gutter, I just want to get home to me lizard and me whirligig. This is dehumanising."

James Corden turns up and tries to get you up, but you're stuck as fuck. He's got a takeaway pizza with him - of course he does - and offers you a slice.

What happens next?

[imitationleather]

How much doner meat is on that pizza, pray tell?

[touchingcloth]

How much doner meat is on that pizza, pray tell?

Glad you asked. It's a Hawai'i'an [sic] Meat Feast with tinned pineapple and TEN donner meats.

[pancreas]

Peep this. You're in the gutter. You're trapped on your back like a turtle and you can't right yourself. You're going "argh I've falled in gutter, I just want to get home to me lizard and me whirligig. This is dehumanising."

James Corden turns up and tries to get you up, but you're stuck as fuck. He's got a takeaway pizza with him - of course he does - and offers you a slice.

What happens next?

I get my legs broken by his entourage while he laughs and drops strings of cheese into my eyes, I expect. He's hardly a humanitarian.

[touchingcloth]

No. There are no Cheese Strings.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I think this thread should be stopped before it descends into ugly, horrific violence.

[Ferris]

I think this thread should be stopped before it descends into ugly, horrific violence.

I bet I can inspire violence: I make all my own pasta from scratch. It's just eggs and flour. Buying pasta is for idiots.

[chveik]

pasta is so passé, it's all about insects now.

[Emma Raducanu]

Any way. Are we boycotting dolmio or what

[Bazooka]

An old uni housemate of mine used to put curry powder and sweetcorn in his pasta, he was shit at cooking so in the grand scheme of things he wasn't really fucking up, to this day I consider making a false sex pest claim against him for his culinary sins though.