Simpsons quote thread? Simpsons quote thread.

[checkoutgirl]

Marge: Homer, I really appreciate you making dinner, but this food tastes a little strange.
Lisa: It hurts my teeth.
Homer: That's because I've loaded it with sugar! [holds up a bag containing "Farmer Homer's Sweet Sweet Sugar"] Marge, our ship has come in! I found five hundred pounds of sugar [to Bart] in the forest [to Marge] that I'm going to sell directly to the consumer! All for a low, low price of $1 per pound.
Marge: But the grocery store sells sugar for thirty-five cents a pound.
Lisa: And it doesn't have nails and broken glass in it.
Homer: Those are prizes! [eats a mouthful] Ooh, a blasting cap.

[checkoutgirl]

How about something religious? We had great penetration last spring with Christmas 2.

[checkoutgirl]

I thought you might like this restaurant, Bart. They'll make a pizza pie with a topping of your choice.

Can I offer you a Diet Caffeine-Free Dr. Pepper or an individual fruit cocktail cup?



These aren't funny lines per se, but there's something very precise about them in relation to Skinner's character.

[The Lurker]

"You know, Marge, for the first time in our marriage I can finally look down my nose at you. You have a gambling problem!"
"That's true. Will you forgive me?"
"Oh, sure! Remember when I got caught stealing all those watches from Sears? Well, that's nothing, because you have a gambling problem! And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house 'cause he was dressed like Santa Claus? Well, you have a gambling problem!"
"Homer, when you forgive someone you can't throw it back at them like that."
"Aw, what a gyp ... Remember when I--"
"--- Homer!"
"Oh, yeah. I forgot already."

[DrGreggles]

Burns: "Homer, I want you to show this woman the time of her life."
Homer: "Marge, we're getting some drive-thru, then we're doing it twice."

[checkoutgirl]

Are you on your third beer of the evening?

Does whiskey count as beer?

[Quote]

"Well you sure don't look 25, but your unlaminated, out-of-state driver's license is proof enough for me..."

[checkoutgirl]

Um- Let me have one of those porno magazines, large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harper, a couple of those panty shields and some illegal fireworks and one of those disposable enemas- no, make it two.

[checkoutgirl]

Residents are advised to stay inside unless you wear sunscreen or are very very hairy. Experts recommend a class 9 or Robin Williams level of hair coverage.

[MuteBanana]

"Lube job while you wait?" still cracks me up.

[checkoutgirl]

I just came in to use the phone, and they got me for the whole Road King package- alignment, shocks, Armor All, stem lube.

Stem lube. Even I didn't fall for that, although winter is coming

[checkoutgirl]

I have nothing to offer you but my love.

I specifically said no geeks.

My mom says I'm cool.

[The Lurker]

Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back, or you can go out there and find your dog.

Bart: You're right, I'll do it!

Homer: Rats! Almost had him eating dog food!

[willy crossit]

"I forgot my swimsuit too, but I improvised!"
(Homer runs outside)
"hello!"
(police siren)

[up_the_hampipe]

There's a twitter thing happening for favourite "micro-jokes" in The Simpsons:

https://twitter.com/i/events/1154859289309114368

Not sure what would actually count as a "micro-joke", as these all just seem to be standard, regular-sized jokes.

[checkoutgirl]

That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp.

[checkoutgirl]

Hey, everybody, vote for my Dad, Homer Simpson. If you don't, he'll beat us.

Why you little... er... no one's gonna beat you, son.

*under his breath*

You're gonna get such a beating.

[checkoutgirl]

If there's one thing decent folk do, it's stick together.

I hate it when the waffles stick together.

Stickin' together is what good waffles do.

[checkoutgirl]

Quiet, I can't hear the eggs.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I just came in to use the phone, and they got me for the whole Road King package- alignment, shocks, Armor All, stem lube.

Stem lube. Even I didn't fall for that, although winter is coming

Never had you figured for a gear-head, Homer.

Oh, yeah, i'm a real expert.

What is that, a six-barrel holley carb?

You betcha.

Edelbrock intakes?

Nothing but.

Meyerhof lifters?

Oh yeah

I made that last one up.

I see.

[checkoutgirl]

Wow, I'll never drink a beer again.

Beer here.

I'll take ten.

[Bad Ambassador]

I dunno, something about being gay.

[checkoutgirl]

That's impressive. And I'm not easy to impress. Wow!! A blue car!!

[checkoutgirl]

Oh we don't have insurance. Neddy considers it a form of gambling.

[checkoutgirl]

Flanders, what are you doing here?
I'm having a kidney and a lung removed.
Who are you donating them to?
First come, first served.

[The Lurker]

Wow, I'll never drink a beer again.

Beer here.

I'll take ten.

Barney's movie had heart but football in the groin had a football in the groin

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Homer: "Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut"
Brain: "Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts"
Homer: "Explain how"
Brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services"

Some of these quotes I've acknowledged with a wry fondness or just shrugged, some like this compel me to watch the whole Good Simpsons all over again.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

'First they hate each other, now they love each other. Urgh, I just don't understand''
'Of course not, you're a robot.'
*tears, melted circuitry, robot explodes*



Something about the sheer speed that happens with the sci-fi pathos... Magnificent.

[kalowski]

'First they hate each other, now they love each other. Urgh, I just don't understand''
'Of course not, you're a robot.'
*tears, melted circuitry, robot explodes*



Something about the sheer speed that happens with the sci-fi pathos... Magnificent.

Just delightful. Perfect Simpsons.

[kalowski]

Homer: Flanders... you saved me. Why?
Ned: Heck... you'd have done the same for me.
[Homer imagines the Flanders residence aflame.]
Ned: HELP! HEEEEEELP!
Homer: He he he he ha he.
[Homer returns to reality.]
Homer: That's right, old friend.