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Simpsons quote thread? Simpsons quote thread.

Started by The Lurker, May 30, 2019, 04:38:25 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

checkoutgirl

Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Laaaane!

checkoutgirl

I shouldn't have served those North Korean fortune cookies. They were so insulting! "You are a coward." No one likes to hear that after a nice meal.

DrGreggles

Quote from: drdad on August 19, 2019, 02:32:44 PM
Boy... when Marge first told me she was going to the police academy, I thought it'd be fun and exciting! You know, like that movie - Spaceballs. But instead it's been painful and disturbing, like that movie Police Academy.

"Why do you think I took you to all those 'Police Academy' movies? For fun?
Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing! Did you?!"

The Culture Bunker

Add in the wee jibe towards Steve Guttenburg in the Stonecutters' song, and you get the impression someone on the writing staff really didn't like the Police Academy series.

kalowski

"Homer, could we have a word with you?"
"No."
"I must have phrased that bad. My English is, how you say, inelegant. I meant to say, may we have a brief, friendly chat?"
"Noooo!"
"Once again I have failed...We request the pleasure of your company for a free exchange of ideas."
"NOOOOO!"

Twed

Quote from: The Culture Bunker on August 19, 2019, 02:57:12 PM
Add in the wee jibe towards Steve Guttenburg in the Stonecutters' song, and you get the impression someone on the writing staff really didn't like the Police Academy series.
I think that if you're The Simpsons, the most critically-acclaimed comedy series on TV at the time, there would be an obligation to rip on Police Academy even if you loved it.

checkoutgirl

If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English. Ah, Tibor, how many times have you saved my butt?

checkoutgirl

Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That's how I was raised, and I turned out TV.

drdad

Quote from: checkoutgirl on August 27, 2019, 11:58:49 AM
If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English. Ah, Tibor, how many times have you saved my butt?

I'm used to seeing people promoted ahead of me: friends, coworkers, Tibor...

Phil_A

Thank you so much for visiting our plant, Dr.
Kissinger.
- It was fun.
- We'll let you know if your glasses turn up.
Uh, yes. Well, I'm sure I left them in the car.
[ Thinking ] No one must know I dropped them in the toilet.
Not I, the man who drafted the Paris Peace Accords.


checkoutgirl

Here's the keys.

Elephants don't have keys.

I'll just keep these then.

checkoutgirl

All right! Just go ahead and sue me! Everybody else does! The average settlement is $68,000.

checkoutgirl

Marge - No, I don't need therapy. I'm fine.

Homer - And it's too expensive. And I don't believe in it. It breaks up families. It turns wives against husbands, children against fathers, neighbours against me.

checkoutgirl

Homer- I don't want anyone to give her a hard time just because she's different, no jokes, no taunting. Ha ha ha!! Look, that kid's got bosoms! Who's got a wet towel? *chases Uter, whipping him with a towel* Come here, you butterball.

Uter - Don't make me run, I'm full of chocolate!

DoesNotFollow

Jack Stillwater: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet the two experienced astronauts who will accompany the winner into space; Race Banyon and Buzz Aldrin, the second man on the moon.

Buzz Aldrin: Second comes right after first!

[awkward silence]

checkoutgirl

Bart - This place smells, and something's dripping on me.

Willie - The smell is manure, and the dripping's manure.

Kryton

Skinner: Good Gravy!

Chef: Oh thank you. It's just brown and water.

Blumf

Homer: I asked for ketchup, I'm eating salad here!

Sebastian Cobb

#439
Quote from: alan nagsworth on August 15, 2019, 10:21:55 PM
Homer doing a really piss poor job of pretending he won the jackpot on a scratch card and then Apu wrestling with him to reveal he in fact did not win:

"Oh, Mr. Simpson... What has reduced you to such cheap chicanery?"

fuckin "chicanery" man, brilliant word



Oh, you have got to be kidding, sir.
First you think of an idea that has already been done
Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like.
Didn't you think this through?
...on the best-seller list for 1 8 months!
...Every magazine cover had it!
...most popular movies of all time, sir!
What were you thinking?

I mean, thank you.Come again


'not having that' condensed into several lines or a single image.

willy crossit

Quote from: alan nagsworth on August 15, 2019, 10:21:55 PM
Homer doing a really piss poor job of pretending he won the jackpot on a scratch card and then Apu wrestling with him to reveal he in fact did not win:

"Oh, Mr. Simpson... What has reduced you to such cheap chicanery?"

fuckin "chicanery" man, brilliant word

I love how genuinely happy Apu is for him when he thinks he's won

gatchamandave

Quote from: checkoutgirl on August 19, 2019, 02:38:43 PM
Ooh, look at me! I'm making people happy! I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Laaaane!

- in case you didn't notice, that was sarcasm

- well, duh

buttgammon

"We object to the term 'urine-soaked hell-hole' when you could have said "pee pee-soaked heck-hole'".

checkoutgirl


- All right, Simpson. Let's go over the signals. If I tug the bill of my cap like so.
- Yeah.
- it means the signal is a fake.
- Uh-huh.
- I can take that off by dusting my hands thusly.
- Got it.
- If I want you to bunt, I'll touch my belt buckle not once, not twice, but thrice.
- *I don't understand a word he's saying. Why doesn't he just let me bat? I wish I was home with a big bag of potato chips.
Mmm potato chips.
*
- Got that, Simpson?
- Yes, sir.

SteveDave

Quote from: buttgammon on September 01, 2019, 02:51:11 PM
"We object to the term 'urine-soaked hell-hole' when you could have said "pee pee-soaked heck-hole'".

"Cheerfully withdrawn"

checkoutgirl

No one who speaks German could be an evil man.

checkoutgirl

In that case I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island. Don't worry, it's just a name.
*cut to Monster Island where Lisa and others are chased by fire-breathing monsters*

He said it was just a name!

What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula.

The Lurker

"They pay me $800 a week to tell a cat and mouse what to do"
"I see..."


Ferris


checkoutgirl

Good luck, Ralphie. If your nose starts bleeding, it means you're picking it too much. Or not enough.