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Simpsons quote thread? Simpsons quote thread.

Started by The Lurker, May 30, 2019, 04:38:25 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

Sebastian Cobb

He's got something no gambler's ever had! A system!

madhair60

Quote from: Jerzy Bondov on June 02, 2019, 05:18:10 PM
Works on commission? No! Money down!

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on June 02, 2019, 05:20:11 PM
Works on commission?

No, money down!

It's contingency, you bagmen. Works on contingency.

Dex Sawash


The Culture Bunker

Again, a line that in lesser hands than Harry Shearer might not have worked.

"Principal Skinner, this is your secretary. There is one last student here to see you."
"That's odd. I don't have a secretary, or an intercom. But send him in."

Just the way he's initially suspicius due to the obvious points he makes, but then decides to roll with it. The deadpan "please don't waste those" afterwards is great too.

SteveDave

"Lube job while you wait guv'nor?"
"Don't touch me"

Jerzy Bondov

Go ahead, Marge, have a ball. What if they came back and I was dead from not eating? They'd cry their eyes out. "We should have never gone to the Flanders'. Oh, why did we go to the Flanders' house and leave Homer alone with no food?" And I'd be laughing -- laughing from my grave.

Sebastian Cobb


kalowski

Dear baby, welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.

lgpmachine

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on June 03, 2019, 04:58:41 PM
Quiet Lisa, the dog's barking

Kent Brockman's bit preceding that is brilliant too:

"Good evening, here's an update on last week's nursing home expose 'Geezers in Freezers'.  It turns out the rest home was adequately heated; the footage you saw was of a fur storage facility.  We've also been told to apologise for using the term 'geezers'.  Now, coming up next, the case of the cantankerous old geezer."

Gulftastic

'We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...'

C_Larence

Ooh, he card read good!

Quote from: St_Eddie on June 01, 2019, 01:48:13 PM
My favourite line is an odd one because it's not particularly funny but it's the line which most frequently enters my head; Principal Skinner saying "done and done and I mean done".

I have this, with the line "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'LL WALK IN THE MUD!"  from season 2 episode "The Way We Was". I can hear the line reading so clearly in my head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U74YyIn_Kvs

St_Eddie

Quote from: C_Larence on June 05, 2019, 12:40:09 AM
I have this, with the line "ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'LL WALK IN THE MUD!"  from season 2 episode "The Way We Was". I can hear the line reading so clearly in my head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U74YyIn_Kvs

I don't even have to click the link.  I can hear that line, pitch perfect, within my head too!

madhair60

This is the room with electricity. But it has too much electricity. So, I don't know, you might want to wear a hat.

jobotic

The magician at Martin's party "Oh, I'm not the kind of magician who does tricks. I'm a mathemagician!"

Bart "Oh man!"

madhair60

In a similar vein I love

"Did somebody say 'box kites'?"

"No"

up_the_hampipe

Sideshow Mel: Officer, you have arrested an innocent man.
Wiggum: Really? Ah jeez. Alright, Dr Colossus, you're free to go. But stay away from Death Mountain!
Colossus: But all my stuff is there!

madhair60


up_the_hampipe

"They called me Kid Gorgeous, later on it was Kid Presentable, then Kid Gruesome, and finally Kid Moe"

Also, Moe in the entire lie detector scene https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQGwrK_yDEg

Mr Banlon

Yes Homer I'm an angel. All us angels wear Farah slacks.

Harpo Speaks

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on June 03, 2019, 04:58:41 PM
Quiet Lisa, the dog's barking

That dog can sell anything.
Quote
Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say "DIE BART DIE"?
Sideshow Bob: No that's German for "The, Bart the." 
Parole Board: No one who speaks German could be an evil man. Parole Granted!


Jerzy Bondov

We start with pure milk chocolate...
Add a layer of farm-fresh honey...
Then we sprinkle on four kinds of sugar...
And dip it in rich, creamery butter...

C_Larence

There's some cracking stuff in the comments under this 2004 BBC article asking for people's favourite Simpsons moments
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/3412777.stm

Quote from: Yensie, London, UKWhen Bart befriends Ralph and has a sleep over at Ralph's house. Officer Wigan puts on the night light as Ralph is scared of the dark. It is the brightest light ever!

Quote from: Andrew, London UKHerman Munz's laugh.(Haw-haw!)

Quote from: Charlie, LondonAuto is shopping in the mall. He walks out of the "Pot Shop" and mumbles, "that should be against the trade descriptions act". Genius!
It's kind of fascinating how nothing about that is correct.

The Culture Bunker

I do remember in my student days getting in a hugely protracted argument with someone who would not accept "Automan" was actually called Otto Mann. 

Gulftastic

'You always say that. I want to take a chance!'

holyzombiejesus

Quote from: mojo filters on June 02, 2019, 12:12:53 AM
22 Short Films About Springfield - tall man/small car scene:

Do you find something comical about my appearance when I am driving my automobile? Everyone needs to drive a vehicle, even the very tall. This was the largest automobile I could afford. Should I therefore be made the subject of fun?



Obviously there's an even more memorable and quotable line from that great episode...

I always thought that was a reference to another film.

Jerzy Bondov

5 Funny Simpsons Business Names:

I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm!
Stoner's Pot Palace
Stern Lecture Plumbing
MONSTROMART
Sneed's Feed & Seed (formerly Chuck's)

colacentral

"And with that, a mighty cheer went up from the heroes of Shelbyville. They'd banished the awful lemon tree forever. Because it was haunted. Now let's all celebrate with a cool glass of turnip juice."

Sebastian Cobb

She never cooks, she keeps a filthy house, and she talks profanely! She's the queen of the harpies.

kalowski

"As your president, I would demand a science-fiction library, featuring an ABC of the genre. Asimov, Bester, Clarke."

"What about Ray Bradbury?"

"I'm aware of his work"

Phil_A

"What do you think of the banners?"
"Nothing but trans-parent toadying."
"It was the children's idea, I tried to stop them."
"It's always the children's fault, isn't it Seymour?"
"Yes. Yes it is."