Author Topic: Milonga dildo commotion  (Read 2442 times)

kittens

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #30 on: June 03, 2019, 09:42:17 AM »
i wonder if i would like a dildo up the arse.

also what is milonga

ZoyzaSorris

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #31 on: June 03, 2019, 09:43:44 AM »
Im guessing it is the equivalent of the surprise and joy of lots of different cocks up your arse rather than the dull monogamous monotony of a homogenous rodding from a single morphology of member?

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #32 on: June 03, 2019, 09:47:16 AM »
i wonder if i would like a dildo up the arse.



Dion and the Belmonts admit lyrics "need work".

Buelligan

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #33 on: June 03, 2019, 09:49:15 AM »
I absolutely loved this story, thank you machotrouts for giving this to us.

But it has driven my anal order disorder into fucking OVERDRIVE

Please, please, please, go out and borrow, steal or purchase something like this -



It will enable you to store, display and maintain, your wonderful collection of dildii in a beautiful, and clean, manner, as they deserve.  I think it may also be a small step on the road to opening up your proclivities in a sensitive and tasteful way, to the dear parents.

Do this for me.  No more dusty tango bags, thank you.

Flouncer

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #34 on: June 03, 2019, 12:03:02 PM »
This thread has reminded me of one of the funniest things I've ever seen on here. There was a graffiti thread, and a poster had taken a photo of a lamppost on which someone had written "Tom Reed's mum is a MILF" in black marker, then further down the road on another lamppost they'd written "Tom Reed's mum has a briefcase full of dildos". I think what made it so amusing was that whoever wrote it had chosen a briefcase as a storage repository for the sex toys.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #35 on: June 03, 2019, 12:20:02 PM »
Same thing happened to me when a security guard wanted to look in my sack of fleshlights.

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #36 on: June 03, 2019, 01:11:07 PM »
also what is milonga

It's a typo. Should be 'my longer'.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #37 on: June 03, 2019, 01:12:40 PM »
Best dildos-in-a-bag story I've read all day!

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #38 on: June 03, 2019, 03:27:52 PM »
Also, why do you need so many different dildos?

'I'm feeling delicate. I think this is a purple thin one day.'

'After a week of work like that, I think I must crack open the veiny green one.'

'Fucking hell, I just won the lottery. It's the enormous black ring-buster for the next half an hour.'

'An ex-boyfriend is coming round for tea. I think the barbed white one would be just perfect right now.'

'fire up the two-stroke'

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #39 on: June 03, 2019, 03:29:36 PM »
'fire up the two-stroke'

The opportunity to use a Wankel engine must not be wasted.

Captain Z

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #40 on: June 03, 2019, 03:35:12 PM »
Everybody's doing a brand new dance now,
come on Milonga dildo commotion

JesusAndYourBush

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #41 on: June 03, 2019, 05:13:38 PM »
Gorillaz
♫I got dildos in a bag  ♫

machotrouts

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #42 on: June 03, 2019, 09:19:54 PM »
Why are you even going to this milonga thing when you have a whole bag of dildos at home?

I don't even really like dildos. I'm not sure I've used them since the move. They're a nuisance now. A bane. Dildos follow me around everywhere and there's nothing to be done about it.

i wonder if i would like a dildo up the arse.

kittens, you are the only person in this thread proposing a viable solution for where to put these fucking dildos. Thank you

With dildos I'm always put off by the inevitability that I'll have to give it a lil wash afterwards and there's something about washing myself off an inanimate object that I don't like.

You're supposed to wash them? Oh no

Also, why do you need so many different dildos?

While "sex paraphernalia" deteriorated to "dildo medley" for simplicity over the course of that post, the bag also includes a Tenga Flip Hole – the precise opposite of a dildo – and three bottles of lube. Between those and my poor haunted tango shoes, you don't need a great deal of dildo mass to fill the remaining space.

But the specific answer to your question is, mechanical differences. Some dildos are made with functions other than "get in an arsehole".

"Milonga The Dildo You Know".
Everybody's doing a brand new dance now,
come on Milonga dildo commotion


That's two separate Kylie Minogue lyrics in this thread. What are you lot fucking gay or something

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #43 on: June 03, 2019, 10:23:40 PM »
This story is excellent, thank you.

What do you do with a sex toy that's been put out to pasture? You can't very well just pop it in a bin bag with some old tea towels and take it down the Salvation Army shop. Well, especially not them.

St_Eddie

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #44 on: June 03, 2019, 10:37:12 PM »
This story is excellent, thank you.

What do you do with a sex toy that's been put out to pasture? You can't very well just pop it in a bin bag with some old tea towels and take it down the Salvation Army shop. Well, especially not them.

Landfill, mate.  85% of landfills are mountains comprised solely of dildos and fleshlights.
« Last Edit: June 03, 2019, 11:13:37 PM by St_Eddie »

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #45 on: June 03, 2019, 11:09:52 PM »
i wonder if i would like a dildo up the arse.


It's always yes

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #46 on: June 03, 2019, 11:27:46 PM »
Landfill, mate.  85% of landfills are mountains comprised solely of dildos and fleshlights.
oh my gODDD

Captain Z

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #47 on: June 03, 2019, 11:28:53 PM »
Landfill, mate.  85% of landfills are mountains comprised solely of dildos and fleshlights.

It's someone's job to insert the former inside the latter to save space.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #48 on: June 03, 2019, 11:32:35 PM »
It's someone's job to insert the former inside the latter to save space.

Have you ever seen that video where someone tips out a whole canned chicken? I bet the noise shoving a discarded dildo into a discarded fleshlight sounds like that in reverse.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #49 on: June 04, 2019, 01:45:46 AM »
They tip a whole canned chicken out of their arse? Bet it was warm enough to eat.

machotrouts

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #50 on: June 04, 2019, 08:36:05 PM »
While "sex paraphernalia" deteriorated to "dildo medley" for simplicity over the course of that post, the bag also includes a Tenga Flip Hole – the precise opposite of a dildo – and three bottles of lube.

Oh and an anal douche.

What do you do with a sex toy that's been put out to pasture? You can't very well just pop it in a bin bag with some old tea towels and take it down the Salvation Army shop. Well, especially not them.

The packaging was hard enough. My mum popped out for half an hour one day and I chose that moment to feed a dildo box through her shredder. I overestimated how much a shredder can shred. I was there for the entire half hour, trying to stuff it into the grinding, wheezing maw. After 25 minutes, with only half the dildo box shredded, it overheated and turned off, and I spent the remaining 5 minutes desperately trying to tug the jammed dildo box back out from the mechanism.

The next time I got a half-hour slot, I opted to manually cut up the surviving half of the dildo box with a pair of kitchen scissors, into parts small enough that the word "dildo", any related terms, and the actual big picture of a dildo, were not identifiable if anyone fancied having a root through our recycling bin. Unfortunately, I did a very poor job of keeping the bits I'd cut up all in one place to dispose of easily, and for a few days afterwards, my mum kept finding tiny unidentifiable box shards in the kitchen and asking where they came from. "It's for a project", I said, which was apparently satisfactory.

I don't really want to get rid of the dildos themselves. I'm not actively using them, but I want to keep my options/arsehole open. Might fancy it of a rainy day. I just don't want to be relentlessly carrying them to tango classes like a maniac.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #51 on: June 04, 2019, 08:49:16 PM »
Landfill, mate.  85% of landfills are mountains comprised solely of dildos and fleshlights.

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seepage

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #52 on: June 04, 2019, 09:06:17 PM »
The packaging was hard enough. My mum popped out for half an hour one day and I chose that moment to feed a dildo box through her shredder. I overestimated how much a shredder can shred. I was there for the entire half hour, trying to stuff it into the grinding, wheezing maw. After 25 minutes, with only half the dildo box shredded, it overheated and turned off, and I spent the remaining 5 minutes desperately trying to tug the jammed dildo box back out from the mechanism.

The next time I got a half-hour slot, I opted to manually cut up the surviving half of the dildo box with a pair of kitchen scissors, into parts small enough that the word "dildo", any related terms, and the actual big picture of a dildo, were not identifiable if anyone fancied having a root through our recycling bin. Unfortunately, I did a very poor job of keeping the bits I'd cut up all in one place to dispose of easily, and for a few days afterwards, my mum kept finding tiny unidentifiable box shards in the kitchen and asking where they came from. "It's for a project", I said, which was apparently satisfactory.

Is her shredder pre-war or something? mine's a cheap model from the nineties yet can take a stack of 10 MPEG-1 porn Video CDs easy, which is rather more than the odd bit of dildo cardboard.

Captain Z

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #53 on: June 04, 2019, 09:11:12 PM »
Surely you pass a public bin on the way to Tango.

Harpo Speaks

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #54 on: June 04, 2019, 09:48:42 PM »
Best dildos-in-a-bag story I've read all day!

Dildo Baggings?

Now you're tolkien.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #55 on: June 04, 2019, 10:21:14 PM »
still loving this

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #56 on: June 04, 2019, 11:20:20 PM »
Can we get a vicar involved in this situation please? Maybe he could have unknowing custody of the dildos when the bishop calls round with the same bag?

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #57 on: June 04, 2019, 11:35:49 PM »
I want to know more about the blender-in-a-bag woman.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #58 on: June 05, 2019, 12:36:42 AM »
Can we get a vicar involved in this situation please? Maybe he could have unknowing custody of the dildos when the bishop calls round with the same bag?

I think I could persuade Brian Rix to join in. Oh, bugger.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #59 on: June 05, 2019, 12:41:13 AM »
Speaking of which, there was a time where I confused Brian Rix and Cardew the Cad. What their stance was on dildoes and Pocket Fannies remains ambivalent. I imagine that Cardew would be enthusiastic, but Brian could probably take them or leave them.