Author Topic: Milonga dildo commotion  (Read 3671 times)

Lt. Organphalia

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #60 on: June 05, 2019, 01:01:07 AM »
Very sorry to hear the camera on your phone is broken.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #61 on: June 05, 2019, 09:08:05 AM »
Very sorry to hear the camera on your phone is broken.

"Too Niche" admit Hallmark Cards.
(can't be arsed linking to that Fry and Laurie sketch, soz.)

machotrouts

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #62 on: June 09, 2019, 01:37:59 AM »
I want to know more about the blender-in-a-bag woman.

Her masturbation techniques are her own business.

Surely you pass a public bin on the way to Tango.

The packaging is recyclable. I am not going to destroy the planet over my sex toy shame.

I hope you're not suggesting I bin my dildos. That is a last resort. Also, my mum's driving me to tango this week, what do you want me to do, wind down the window and hurl the fucking dildo out at the pavement? Get my mum arrested for facilitating sex crimes? Is that what you bastards FUCKING want?

But the specific answer to your question is, mechanical differences. Some dildos are made with functions other than "get in an arsehole".

I feel like this warranted more speculation than it received.

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #63 on: June 09, 2019, 01:47:10 AM »
I feel like this warranted more speculation than it received.

I did google 'Tenga Flip Hole' and visit their website, if it's any consolation. Some of those only last for 50 sessions. That's like a quid a session. And it's not very green, is it? Not impressed.

And I was distracted by the blender. The curiosity is killing me. Next time you see that woman, can you ask her why she took a blender to tango? Offer to tell her what's in your bag if she'll spill the beans.

machotrouts

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #64 on: June 09, 2019, 02:03:06 AM »
I did google 'Tenga Flip Hole' and visit their website, if it's any consolation.

Now, it's important to bear in mind here that a Tenga Flip Hole is not a dildo with an alternative function. That is not what I'm referring to. A Tenga Flip Hole is a Tenga Flip Hole. It is no kind of dildo at all.

I don't know what the generic term is for sex toys you put your dick in. "Male sex toys" is not very trans-inclusive. I have seen a man propose "engulfers", so. It's an engulfer.

And it's not very green, is it?

It's black.

And I was distracted by the blender. The curiosity is killing me.

Well I'm sorry but she brutally murdered us all. Blended us to smithereens. I just thought that would be too distracting from my story but if you must insist.

Next time you see that woman, can you ask her why she took a blender to tango? Offer to tell her what's in your bag if she'll spill the beans.

I haven't actually considered a "Next time" yet. Am I allowed into future milongae? Do I have to get a milongamate to Metal Gear Solid me in every time?

Metal Gear Solid is actually an anagram of "milonga dildos". It's true and you don't have to check it.
« Last Edit: June 09, 2019, 02:34:02 AM by machotrouts »

Dex Sawash

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #65 on: June 09, 2019, 02:25:45 AM »

I feel like this warranted more speculation than it received.

<quietly ruminates on non up arse purposes>

Ah yes, that sort of thing.

machotrouts

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #66 on: June 09, 2019, 02:33:43 AM »
NO not NON-up arse purposes things they can do IN ADDITION to being put up an arse.

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #67 on: June 09, 2019, 04:18:58 AM »
Now, it's important to bear in mind here that a Tenga Flip Hole is not a dildo with an alternative function. That is not what I'm referring to. A Tenga Flip Hole is a Tenga Flip Hole. It is no kind of dildo at all.

Okay, I'll bite. What more can there possibly be than 'get in an arsehole'?

Quote
I don't know what the generic term is for sex toys you put your dick in. "Male sex toys" is not very trans-inclusive. I have seen a man propose "engulfers", so. It's an engulfer.

A nobby holder?

Quote
I haven't actually considered a "Next time" yet. Am I allowed into future milongae? Do I have to get a milongamate to Metal Gear Solid me in every time?

Is Solid Snake the name of one of your dildos?

Quote
Metal Gear Solid is actually an anagram of "milonga dildos". It's true and you don't have to check it.

I checked it. I am disappoint. However, I have some valid anagrams of milonga dildos. Some of them sound like they could be alternative names for engulfers.

Midlands igloo
Old maid losing
Misdo gonad ill
India doll smog
Dali sodom ling
Dismal dong oil
Midas gold loin
Solid along mid
Old glans idiom
Domino slag lid
Liminal god sod
Somali dong lid

St_Eddie

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #68 on: June 09, 2019, 06:00:09 AM »
I hope you're not suggesting I bin my dildos.

Heaven forfend!

...my mum's driving me to tango this week, what do you want me to do, wind down the window and hurl the fucking dildo out at the pavement? Get my mum arrested for facilitating sex crimes? Is that what you bastards FUCKING want?

Ehh... hmm... uhh... well, I mean... kinda.

Anagram of a Shit Name

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #69 on: June 09, 2019, 11:39:40 AM »
Okay, I'll bite. What more can there possibly be than 'get in an arsehole'?

A nobby holder? Laughed

Is Solid Snake the name of one of your dildos?

I checked it. I am disappoint. However, I have some valid anagrams of milonga dildos. Some of them sound like they could be alternative names for engulfers.

Midlands igloo
Old maid losing
Misdo gonad ill
India doll smog
Dali sodom ling
Dismal dong oil*
Midas gold loin
Solid along mid
Old glans idiom
Domino slag lid
Liminal god sod
Somali dong lid

*We have a winner!

Anagram of a Shit Name

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #70 on: June 09, 2019, 11:41:01 AM »
Ooo that was my 199th post!

Need to make the bicentennial a good one.

Anagram of a Shit Name

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #71 on: June 09, 2019, 11:43:05 AM »
Bugger

Sherringford Hovis

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #72 on: June 09, 2019, 12:16:36 PM »
Also, my mum's driving me to tango this week, what do you want me to do, wind down the window and hurl the fucking dildo out at the pavement?

NSFW
http://www.slate.fr/sites/default/files/photos/994106_208504009344986_131860742_n.jpg

Get in the car, Mum - no time to explain.

Noonling

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #73 on: June 09, 2019, 12:43:55 PM »
I don't know what the generic term is for sex toys you put your dick in. "Male sex toys" is not very trans-inclusive. I have seen a man propose "engulfers", so. It's an engulfer.

I've always thought those are "envelopers" personally. Or maybe sheaths.

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #74 on: June 09, 2019, 02:06:25 PM »
Scabbards

mothman

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #75 on: June 09, 2019, 06:41:09 PM »
I will go so far as to wonder what a gay man wants with a lot of replica penises. However I implore you, do not take that wonderment as encouragement to attempt to enlighten me.

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #76 on: June 09, 2019, 07:07:45 PM »
Metal Gear Solid is actually an anagram of "milonga dildos". It's true and you don't have to check it.

Here's some anagrams of Metal Gear Solid:

Gristle à la mode
Damage till sore
Eel slot diagram
Red meat slag oil (free with Tenga Flip Hole)
Mallard ego site
Dallas ego timer
Dallas gore item
Salad ogle remit
Madras gleet oil (gleet is definitely worth a google)
A lager melodist (I heard one of these on my way back from town today)
Material sod leg
Aerial STD golem
Areola geld mist
Molest gild area
Litre model saga
Marital seed log
Marital sod glee
Get older salami
Arista model gel
Amoral edge slit
Altar lodge semi
Maltese dog rail
Agreed mail slot
Limeade slag rot
Desolate gal rim
Elated soma girl

Blimey! I didn't even make it a quarter of the way through the results: https://futureboy.us/lookup/nph-anagram.pl?orig=Metal+Gear+Solid&list=0&include=&limit=3&short=3&cap=1

machotrouts

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #77 on: June 27, 2019, 08:21:15 AM »
Okay, I'll bite. What more can there possibly be than 'get in an arsehole'?


Johnny Yesno

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #78 on: June 27, 2019, 08:30:55 AM »
Haha! I like the combination of QVC and 'You talkin' to me?' vibe going on there. Would be great in 3D.

Paul Calf

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #79 on: June 27, 2019, 08:37:11 AM »
Oh and an anal douche.

The packaging was hard enough. My mum popped out for half an hour one day and I chose that moment to feed a dildo box through her shredder. I overestimated how much a shredder can shred. I was there for the entire half hour, trying to stuff it into the grinding, wheezing maw. After 25 minutes, with only half the dildo box shredded, it overheated and turned off, and I spent the remaining 5 minutes desperately trying to tug the jammed dildo box back out from the mechanism.

The next time I got a half-hour slot, I opted to manually cut up the surviving half of the dildo box with a pair of kitchen scissors, into parts small enough that the word "dildo", any related terms, and the actual big picture of a dildo, were not identifiable if anyone fancied having a root through our recycling bin. Unfortunately, I did a very poor job of keeping the bits I'd cut up all in one place to dispose of easily, and for a few days afterwards, my mum kept finding tiny unidentifiable box shards in the kitchen and asking where they came from. "It's for a project", I said, which was apparently satisfactory.

I don't really want to get rid of the dildos themselves. I'm not actively using them, but I want to keep my options/arsehole open. Might fancy it of a rainy day. I just don't want to be relentlessly carrying them to tango classes like a maniac.

Why did you try to force sex toy packaging into your mum's...actually, I don't even want to ask that question, let alone know the answer.

Were they just dildoes or were vibrators also involved? This is important.

FerriswheelBueller

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #80 on: June 27, 2019, 02:52:45 PM »


Final series of Dexter “lacks gravitas”, say critics

machotrouts

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #81 on: July 30, 2019, 08:16:11 PM »
Sorry, I've been haunted for the past month by how unsatisfactory that gif turned out. It was obvious by the time I edited it that I hadn't handled the squirty piss cum dildo with the confidence it deserved, but I didn't want to reshoot it. Well now I've reshot it.


Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #82 on: July 30, 2019, 08:20:24 PM »
Genuine lol

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #83 on: July 30, 2019, 11:03:14 PM »
That's odd. Neither of those gifs are animated for me now.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #84 on: July 30, 2019, 11:03:58 PM »
me neither. furious

Mister Six

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #85 on: July 31, 2019, 12:46:47 AM »
Midlands igloo
Old maid losing
Dismal dong oil
Domino slag lid
Liminal god sod

Gristle à la mode
Damage till sore
Eel slot diagram
Madras gleet oil
Aerial STD golem
Maltese dog rail
Desolate gal rim
Elated soma girl

Some quality CaB names there, if any lurkers want to sign up.

machotrouts

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #86 on: July 31, 2019, 01:06:49 AM »
ImgBB issue maybe? They sound like a filthy porn site so they'd better not have censored me. Do they work on a different host?



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Lt. Organphalia

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #87 on: July 31, 2019, 05:08:53 AM »
Glad to see some video evidence at last.

Slick. Confident. Trustworthy
Very much so.

Why not become a male sex aid influencer? You could make mucho wonga demoing the dildo milonga.

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #88 on: July 31, 2019, 05:09:21 AM »
Haha! Yes, they're working now.

Re: Milonga dildo commotion
« Reply #89 on: July 31, 2019, 06:33:39 PM »
classic warning signs of hoarderism. first its dildoes, then it's stacks of old newspapers, piss jugs... you get the picture.
if i were you i'd give the entire stack a good sniff and throw out the ones that have a persistant odour of bum, or before you know it you'll be wading waist deep through a sea of rubber dicks and feline carcasses.