Author Topic: Shit year.  (Read 2885 times)

Shit year.
« on: June 06, 2019, 04:23:58 PM »
I’m using a sock for this as a few people know about this account in real life and this isn’t general knowledge yet. Particularly observant people can probably work it out.

2019 has been an absolute shitter of a year for me. Starting on New Year’s eve in fact, when my wife kissed a girl, and liked it. A lot.

We’ve been together for 16 years, married for 10, and have 2 kids. We get on really well and have a good life together. And now we’re separating. Neither of us want to split up, we’ve only just stopped sharing a bed, but the relationship is fundamentally broken.

The last few months we’ve been trying to work out if we could make some sort of open relationship thing work but the whole uncertainty of it all was messing me up and I couldn’t emotionally separate and it meant I could never get to a place where I could actually meet someone else.

38 years old and having to think about dating again*. With kids now, and living with my separated-wife. Hmmm.

Fun things:
- I could have gone to a Pride thing this weekend with the kids and my wife and her girlfriend. I decided that was too weird.
- I lost 2 kgs because I was too distraught to eat in February, so I’m now in the healthy BMI range for probably the first time in 20 years. A side effect of this is my wedding ring was loose and I lost it last week. Luckily it was a cheap decoy one and I’ve ordered a replacement which I’m going to wear on a cord.


*and yes, I know I am nowhere near ready to actually start dating again but I think I need to at least think about it if I’m not just going to sit around hoping my wife will fancy me again for the rest of my life.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2019, 04:28:11 PM »
At least you've got your 'dating weight' back.

gib

  • weak and wobbly
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2019, 04:31:29 PM »
Christ what a mess. Were there any signs in the past that she liked the ladies?

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2019, 04:32:06 PM »
Having read it back and thought about it, I probably should have just have posted this under my usual name.

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2019, 04:34:21 PM »
I know fuck all about you Ross, well, I don't think I do anyway, but I'd say the thing that might make your wife fancy you again more than anything else is if you stopped acting like that was important.

If you want my advice, get your arse to the gym, take up some sort of activity that you've always wanted to do but put on hold because of marriage commitments or whatevs.  Whilst you're sharing a house with your wife, take advantage of the built-in baby-sitter.  Start taking care of yourself like you're your own fucking life-coach.  And cancel the ring order.  Get this as your ringtone.  Sing it to yourself every single time you start doubting yourself.  Hug.

amnesiac

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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2019, 04:35:09 PM »
I am very sad for your loss. move on.

Howj Begg

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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2019, 04:35:56 PM »
For what it's worth, I thought you were on a break.

Commiserations on your marriage mate.

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2019, 04:36:18 PM »
Have you tried getting into cuckold pornography? Might make you seen things in a different light.

p.s. I'm sorry to hear about your travails.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2019, 04:39:23 PM »
Worst time to have a load of lads in leather thrusting their dicks in your face isn't it

Cuellar

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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2019, 04:42:34 PM »
Yeah I should have thought twice before sending that PM, soz

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2019, 04:44:05 PM »
I'm really sorry to hear about this, a similar thing happened to a friend of mine and I know how devastating it was for him. I wish I could offer up advice that might help but it's just one of those situations that is going to hurt for a fair old while, but in time I'm sure life will improve for you, I really hope that is the cast anyhow.

gib

  • weak and wobbly
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2019, 04:45:19 PM »

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2019, 04:47:59 PM »
It turns out the 'girlfriend' is Graham Linehan in a wig and lippy

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #13 on: June 06, 2019, 04:56:43 PM »
I am very sad for your loss. move on.

This really. I can't imagine any good coming from you staying in the same house keeping out of each other's way.

Perplexicon

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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2019, 04:57:17 PM »
That's an absolute top quality shitter mate, very sorry to hear. Absolutely heartbreaking when your partner is moving on and maybe you don't actually want to? And an absolute mindfuck that you have to deal with it under the same roof. My distant internet advice: get out of the house, get yourself away and untangled from your ex-wife's new dating life because that shit will mess you up, find your feet again as a single person. It's horrible at first but it'll be absolutely cathartic. Above all, above everything else, think about yourself, your sanity, and no one else. You absolutely need to look out for yourself if you're going to come away from this in a good way.

A year from now you'll have met someone new and be happier for it. Hugs and kisses.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #15 on: June 06, 2019, 04:59:25 PM »
Christ what a mess. Were there any signs in the past that she liked the ladies?

Well, yeah I thought she was bi, and she might actually be, but it was something she repressed/didn't pay much attention too. Like a year or so back she made a big thing of saying "I'm bisexual" and I was like "I know, you've snogged more women than I have".

I know fuck all about you Ross, well, I don't think I do anyway, but I'd say the thing that might make your wife fancy you again more than anything else is if you stopped acting like that was important.

If you want my advice, get your arse to the gym, take up some sort of activity that you've always wanted to do but put on hold because of marriage commitments or whatevs.  Whilst you're sharing a house with your wife, take advantage of the built-in baby-sitter.  Start taking care of yourself like you're your own fucking life-coach.  And cancel the ring order.  Get this as your ringtone.  Sing it to yourself every single time you start doubting yourself.  Hug.

I hear you. Going to join a bootcamp (which has a social side too it a gym lacks) and I've already taken up running in the last year. I have been trying to take care of the free babysitter - although this week it's all been taken up with therapy.

The ring thing is a bit complex. If it was a a shitty relationship I was getting out of totally agree just ditching it is the thing to do as symbolic gesture. But it's not and it's a signalling thing - I was thinking about wearing it on a necklace before I lost it. Taking it off my finger shows I'm available, but still having it on me is acknowledging that I have a lot of commitments and emotional attachments from a relationship. The wedding ring is symbolic and I'm trying to make my own symbolism from it.

Also, if I don't have a wedding ring on and flirt with someone, and they then discover I live with someone I am technically married too and have kids with I'm just going to look like some scum looking for an affair.

More fun thing:
- last few months is the only time we've talked semi-seriously about having a threesome. Before realising that would be a fucking terrible idea.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #16 on: June 06, 2019, 05:00:49 PM »
Ross I'm sure there's plenty of women out there who still like the D. So don't despair you'll be back on the horse before you know it. Embrace single life.

Always wondered how two women sharing a bath pass the soap.

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2019, 05:03:12 PM »
Ross I'm sure there's plenty of women out there who still like the D. So don't despair you'll be back on the horse before you know it. Embrace single life.

Indeed. Sometimes I wish I would get dumped just so I could be out there stone cold slaying twenty four seven.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #18 on: June 06, 2019, 05:06:40 PM »
This is a bit of an aside to your other issues, but 38 is not particularly old and is in fact prime dating age.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #19 on: June 06, 2019, 05:11:21 PM »
Indeed. Sometimes I wish I would get dumped just so I could be out there stone cold slaying twenty four seven year olds

Paedo!

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #20 on: June 06, 2019, 05:12:58 PM »
Indeed. Sometimes I wish I would get dumped just so I could be out there stone cold slaying twenty four seven.
Its not all about that. I've not been looking for a woman for yonks. Maybe I'm too used to being single now. You can do what you want...eat what you want, do what you want...go to bed when you want, act immature.  Honestly most males can't seem to operate without getting sex they put it on a great pedestal. What the instruction manual doesn't tell you is what to do when your relationship fails and how to deal with things, that's the most fucked nature about relationships.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #21 on: June 06, 2019, 05:13:33 PM »
That's an absolute top quality shitter mate, very sorry to hear. Absolutely heartbreaking when your partner is moving on and maybe you don't actually want to? And an absolute mindfuck that you have to deal with it under the same roof. My distant internet advice: get out of the house, get yourself away and untangled from your ex-wife's new dating life because that shit will mess you up, find your feet again as a single person. It's horrible at first but it'll be absolutely cathartic. Above all, above everything else, think about yourself, your sanity, and no one else. You absolutely need to look out for yourself if you're going to come away from this in a good way.

This would absolutely be true if it wasn't for the kids - I can't cut them out, and in practical terms I'd be spending 2-3 evenings at our current house anyway as she works late so I need to look after the kids.

The slightly more selfish is reason is we have a nice house (which we've just finished building a big extension on) and I don't want to move out to a shitty studio flat with a carpet stained with tears. She should move out.

This has been going on for months now and I've sort of got used to it. She just goes out some evenings. It's not good, but I don't think moving out for £1000 a month will be better. She wants to move to a stage where she's spending half her nights at her gfs and half here, but I think in reality she's moving towards moving out. It's a slow process though, becuase life complicated - in the last weeks she only visited her gf for one night and she can't actually stay the whole night because then the gf's kids would notice.

It's a bit silly really - she wants her girlfriend but can't really accept the fact it's going to screw up our lives so she's trying to do it really, really slowly.

thenoise

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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #22 on: June 06, 2019, 05:14:13 PM »
if you've never dabbled in it before, it might be time to try a little homo action. Try those shady looking 'sauna' establishments they have in the wrong sid of town. What's the worst that can happen?

Cuellar

  • Push off my wire
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #23 on: June 06, 2019, 05:15:13 PM »

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #24 on: June 06, 2019, 05:20:30 PM »
Its not all about that. I've not been looking for a woman for yonks. Maybe I'm too used to being single now. You can do what you want...eat what you want, do what you want...go to bed when you want, act immature.  Honestly most males can't seem to operate without getting sex they put it on a great pedestal. What the instruction manual doesn't tell you is what to do when your relationship fails and how to deal with things, that's the most fucked nature about relationships.

you live with your parents and eat alphabites for breakfast you cum stain

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #25 on: June 06, 2019, 05:24:58 PM »
So she's made noises about moving out and leaving you with the security and stability of the house and kids? That would be the sensible thing to do, she's made the decision to pursue her sapphic dreams and disrupt the family

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #26 on: June 06, 2019, 05:54:09 PM »
you live with your parents and eat alphabites for breakfast you cum stain
You bullied a man with praxier & lifted his forum from under him. You fat fingered cunt.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #27 on: June 06, 2019, 06:02:17 PM »
Admin: Snake Plissken is a mens-rights activist with links to alt-right groups, be wary of his presence here

Twit 2

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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #28 on: June 06, 2019, 06:04:11 PM »
Find your nearest tough mudder.

Perplexicon

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Re: Shit year.
« Reply #29 on: June 06, 2019, 06:05:57 PM »
This has been going on for months now and I've sort of got used to it. She just goes out some evenings. It's not good, but I don't think moving out for £1000 a month will be better. She wants to move to a stage where she's spending half her nights at her gfs and half here, but I think in reality she's moving towards moving out. It's a slow process though, becuase life complicated - in the last weeks she only visited her gf for one night and she can't actually stay the whole night because then the gf's kids would notice.

It's a bit silly really - she wants her girlfriend but can't really accept the fact it's going to screw up our lives so she's trying to do it really, really slowly.

Uurrgh this sounds like a dilly of a pickle, and no mistake. If I were in your position, and I'm not so I can just say impossible things like they're no big deal, but I'd issue a 'get out and deal with the consequences of what you want' ultimatum. I mean, it's not your problem if her girlfriends kids know is it?