Author Topic: Shit year.  (Read 2972 times)

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #90 on: June 09, 2019, 09:23:52 AM »
Do your children know their Mum has a girldriend? I'd imagine maintaining a pretence that everything is normal when the opposite is true would be depressing and stressful regardless of how well you get on with you wife?! Maybe when the kids are clear on the picture, it'll allow your relationship to augment more naturally. It's tempting to protect our children from the truth by presenting them with a facade but they sense things; they know when something isn't right. Mum disappearing 3 nights a week while Dad stays home and cries isn't the happy home it ought to be. Maybe not bullshitting them is the key to moving on. And I say this as someone who literally has no clue, so please ignore!

Maybe bullshitting isn't the best choice of phrase?  To my way of thinking (only mine), giving children this kind of stuff to deal with is probably best done after things are sorted (if that can be managed).  IMO, kids feel best when they know things aren't going to suddenly change on them, so if both partners can negotiate a way forward without too much bad noise, now, or in the future - and it seems like the OP is currently managing that - telling the children is probably best done then, together, with as little drama as possible.

This is something I'd definitely counsel getting advice, proper advice, on.  It's obviously important to get it as right as can be managed.

amnesiac

  • Please consider downvoting me
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #91 on: June 09, 2019, 12:13:09 PM »
[just now got the Ross from Friends reference. If you are the same don't feel embarrassed about it]

DolphinFace

  • Put it in me
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #92 on: June 09, 2019, 01:14:13 PM »
Maybe bullshitting isn't the best choice of phras

Definitely. Sorry, went a bit Jeremy Kyle there

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #93 on: June 09, 2019, 06:27:31 PM »
@perplexicon-

Thanks for your reply.

I'd agree with you that solo therapy or counselling can be very helpful in these situations, assuming that it is something that one is interested in pursuing. In a complex situation like this, it can help you work out what's going on, and what you want to happen for the best.

touchingcloth

  • Member
  • **
  • She is hot in the arse.
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #94 on: June 09, 2019, 07:35:35 PM »
This happened to me once. The whole thing.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #95 on: June 09, 2019, 11:44:06 PM »
It's a bit silly really - she wants her girlfriend but can't really accept the fact it's going to screw up our lives so she's trying to do it really, really slowly.

This is really unfortunate and if you haven't shown any anger towards your wife then you have displayed admirable restraint. You aren't the one with the lover so why should you leave? Unless you want to. It's such a tricky situation that giving advice seems inappropriate.

I'd be furious in this situation I reckon. You'd think in this day and age people would try and avoid hetero marriage and kids if they had an inking they were gay. Then again if she's bi presumably she could just have easily shacked up with another man. So many questions.

touchingcloth

  • Member
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  • She is hot in the arse.
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #96 on: June 09, 2019, 11:52:07 PM »
This is really unfortunate and if you haven't shown any anger towards your wife then you have displayed admirable restraint. You aren't the one with the lover so why should you leave? Unless you want to. It's such a tricky situation that giving advice seems inappropriate.

I'd be furious in this situation I reckon. You'd think in this day and age people would try and avoid hetero marriage and kids if they had an inking they were gay. Then again if she's bi presumably she could just have easily shacked up with another man. So many questions.

List them, please. All of them.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #97 on: June 10, 2019, 12:24:08 AM »
List them, please. All of them.

Is she bi or gay?
Did she fancy women on her wedding day?
What's the ideal scenario for both parties?
When did she decide to leave him and had she met her lesbian at that stage?
Have they told the kids she's lesbos?
What age are the kids?
How much is the house worth and who contributed most towards it?
As mentioned, does she think lesbianism is more acceptable than straight cheating?
Have there been any arguments, anger or resentment?
Has the bit on the side told her kids?
Does Ross feel better or worse or neither that it's a lesbian affair?
Can I go asleep now?

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #98 on: June 10, 2019, 01:25:36 AM »
I will not go into detail here but I had an absolute dogshit of  2015 personally with at least 3 personal issues that would be enough so sink anyone into a deep malaise*. I'm still not entirely sure how much it ruined me but I was very much the victim in the situations. t all came right when, in 2016 everyone started kicking off because some cunt won an election and some famous people snuffed it.

In summary, hang on in there. When the world truely goes to shit in 2020 you can giggle along knowing that the everyone else are snowflake cunts who can't deal with the real shit.

*My ability to always be slightly removed from my own emotions ("You are autistic") proved to be a real and enjoyable defense and coping mechanism. To this day I still don't really give a fuck whilst everyone around me flapped. Life is to short. Just find what you like doing and do it.**

**To me it's trying to learn 9 languages, watching wrestling and drinking booze.

Pingers

  • I can produce 3,500 water voles a year if required
Re: Shit year.
« Reply #99 on: June 10, 2019, 07:49:25 AM »


All the best. My only advice is DO NOT move out of the house under any circumstances or you'll effectively concede ownership. She cheated, no matter the complexities, she needs to find somewhere else to live in time.

It's more complicated than that. Depends on if married or not, whether joint tenants or tenants in common and a range of other factors. The OP would need to take legal advice from Shelter or someone similar on this score.

Re: Shit year.
« Reply #100 on: June 10, 2019, 05:16:25 PM »
Yeah, it is so thanks for the clarification, that's useful.

But in the first instance, the temptation is often to leave to get a bit of space and concede the house as an amicable gesture. Reality is that it's very hard to ever get back in there, from a couple of mates who've gone through similar.

I never have because I would kill my wife if she cheated on me. Sorry if that's problematic in 2019.