Author Topic: Mate, Romford.  (Read 1886 times)

alan nagsworth

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Mate, Romford.
« on: June 08, 2019, 02:50:25 PM »
Worked in Romford the other day. Been there a few times and Christ alive it's a big old Desolation thread in itself. I was hungry on the way to a job so I swerved into Greggs and the only thing available was a basically-cold vegetable bake. Whatever, I'm tired, I'll settle for it. Then on the 5-minute walk to the bus stop down the high street, as I chowed into my paper bag of flaky disappointment, I passed TWO OTHER GREGGS (both of them appeared very well stocked in the warm pasty department but that's my own cross to bear, not Romford's). Three fucking Greggs within 500m of one another.

In my 32 years on this bitch of an Earth I don't think I've even met three people called Gregg. There was Gregg Dudley from secondary school who had a lisp and so I when got a pet snake I called it Dudley, and there was my supervisor Greg at my first job serving fast food at Drayton Manor Theme Park who loved Syd Barrett and one time had an acid flashback and nearly put his hand in the deep fat fryer. That's two Greg(g)s. And yet here in Romford there's three warm food and donut depositories named after the prodigal bastard within lobbing distance. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like Greggs food. I'm not one of those pretentious bellsprouts who turns their nose up at a bit of heated mulch in a pastry cuddle when they feel a bit peckish, but THREE? Have a word, Romford council.

In addition to this, right outside the train station - I'm honestly not making this up - there's two motherfucking Wetherspoon's ALMOST LITERALLY NEXT DOOR TO ONE ANOTHER. And do you know what's in the middle of them? To provide a bit of variety, to spice up the high street a bit? Is it the Sistine Chapel? Is it a Keep Calm & Fuck Your Dad poster? Is it a FUCKING GREGGS? I wish!!! Nah, it's a FUCKING Slug & Lettuce pub! The first class free tune mayo sandwich equivalent of Wetherspoon's! ABSOLUTELY BASTARD UNREAL. Lads I'm fucking serious about this, two Wetherspoon's, right there in the same line of sight.

To top off my experience in Romford, when I was on the bus, a mad old bat with wild, witchy hair got on and she was wearing a "FLAT EARTH" appreciation group hoodie. I beamed. It was incredible. If the Earth is flat then Romford is dribbling right off the fucking edge of it.

imitationleather

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2019, 02:51:10 PM »
Are you sure you weren't in Newcastle?

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #2 on: June 08, 2019, 02:57:26 PM »
Are you sure you weren't in almost any town with a retail centre/high street in the UK?

alan nagsworth

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #3 on: June 08, 2019, 03:00:13 PM »
No I am not sure about these things or anything else any more.

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2019, 03:07:38 PM »
That was a very funny post, and I liked it, Alan.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2019, 03:13:43 PM »
You don't like Romford? Well then, you're clearly an absolute Hi-Di-Hi hating cunt. https://thelittleboxoffice.com/brookside/event/view/91177

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #6 on: June 08, 2019, 03:14:25 PM »
Also I had great sex with a woman from Romford when I was 22. You're clearly an absolute SMBH having great sex hating cunt.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2019, 03:15:20 PM »
Or you're a very nice man. I just can't make up my mind today.

zomgmouse

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2019, 03:18:51 PM »
I thought this said "Maria Bamford".

gib

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #9 on: June 08, 2019, 03:26:20 PM »
pretty sure the council don't have some special power to stop Greggs.

seepage

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #10 on: June 08, 2019, 03:36:17 PM »
I once went all the way to Romford to see a Commodore PET & a Tandy TRS-80 live in action.

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #11 on: June 08, 2019, 03:43:39 PM »
I once went all the way to Romford to see a Commodore PET & a Tandy TRS-80 live in action.

My parents live in Brum, I don't know when I next visit, but we've pencilled in a day trip to Cambridge so me and my dad can go to the computer museum. Unfortunately my dad can't drive, I don't have a motor and it's ages on the train, I'm surprised my mum didn't require more persuasion.

Chollis

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #12 on: June 08, 2019, 03:47:45 PM »
Romford has bouncers outside McDonalds

alan nagsworth

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #13 on: June 08, 2019, 03:52:43 PM »
Romford has bouncers outside McDonalds

I was in Costa in Brixton the other day and it had a bouncer. I was bemused but a few minutes later a girl came in demanding to use toilet without buying anything, insisting she'd make a purchase once she'd spent a penny. They refused, and she went mental, saying "YOU'RE LIKE A FUCKIN PROGRAM MAN" and then storming about yelling "I NEED TO USE THE BUMBA RAAS TOILET, HOW ABOUT IF I JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR YEH?" The bouncer stepped in and told her to calm down and she called him a "PUSSY CLART". I was silently loving every minute of it.

alan nagsworth

  • life's too short to be a dope!!
Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #14 on: June 08, 2019, 03:56:55 PM »
Also I had great sex with a woman from Romford when I was 22. You're clearly an absolute SMBH having great sex hating cunt.

Shouldn't that be "great sex-having cunt"? You CLOWN.

Or you're a very nice man.

WRONG.

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #15 on: June 08, 2019, 04:05:57 PM »
I don't really have much frame of reference, is this shitter than, say, Crawley? I once went there by mistake when I had an 8 hour wait at Gatwick.

alan nagsworth

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #16 on: June 08, 2019, 04:07:34 PM »
Never been there but Crawley makes me think of people literally crawling about in despair because of how shit it is.

"Yeah I could never live there myself, too crawly".

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #17 on: June 08, 2019, 04:11:30 PM »
Shouldn't that be "great sex-having cunt"? You CLOWN.

Not according to your girlfriend! Oh yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah I went there - twice as I suffer from premature ejaculation.

I don't really have much frame of reference, is this shitter than, say, Crawley? I once went there by mistake when I had an 8 hour wait at Gatwick.

I've spent a lot of time in Crawley in my life and it is 100% shitter, especially since Crawley Computers closed down in 1993.

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #18 on: June 08, 2019, 04:17:19 PM »
Never been there but Crawley makes me think of people literally crawling about in despair because of how shit it is.

"Yeah I could never live there myself, too crawly".

You're from the Midlands aren't you? It's like a bigger, shitter version of Redditch (very similar New Town aesthetic) but on cheap amphetamines.

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #19 on: June 08, 2019, 04:17:21 PM »
Are you sure you weren’t just having some kind of a breakdown?

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #20 on: June 08, 2019, 04:23:06 PM »
I've stayed in Crawley. IN A HOTEL.

alan nagsworth

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #21 on: June 08, 2019, 04:30:43 PM »
Are you sure you weren’t just having some kind of a breakdown?

No, I already said I got the bus. Next time read the full post before commenting.

alan nagsworth

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #22 on: June 08, 2019, 04:33:06 PM »
Not according to your girlfriend! Oh yeeeeeeeeeeeeeah I went there - twice as I suffer from premature ejaculation.

My girlfriend is actually from Essex, so... LOL

Still though, twice? I've been to Romford more times than that, so my life is definitely shitter than yours. LOL AGAIN!

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #23 on: June 08, 2019, 04:43:46 PM »
We could have had an impromptu Romford meet if you'd only said, Nags. I'm always thirsty. Now you won't get to see all of Rom's hidden treasures. Shame.

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #24 on: June 08, 2019, 04:45:50 PM »
No, I already said I got the bus. Next time read the full post before commenting.

Was there a Greggs?

Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #25 on: June 08, 2019, 04:46:00 PM »
Oh and we have three McDonald's too!

Pingers

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #26 on: June 08, 2019, 04:47:45 PM »
Also I had great sex with a woman from Romford when I was 22. You're clearly an absolute SMBH having great sex hating cunt.

There are some perversions that even a liberal minded person such as I cannot just shrug about and think "takes all sorts, I suppose". From Romford. Fucking hell, you complete cesspit.

alan nagsworth

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #27 on: June 08, 2019, 06:21:48 PM »
Was there a Greggs?

On the bus? Are you mental? Of course there was.

alan nagsworth

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #28 on: June 08, 2019, 06:22:32 PM »
We could have had an impromptu Romford meet if you'd only said, Nags. I'm always thirsty. Now you won't get to see all of Rom's hidden treasures. Shame.

I'm amused that you call it Rom. Have you ever considered making a Rom-Com?

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Mate, Romford.
« Reply #29 on: June 08, 2019, 06:39:22 PM »
There are some perversions that even a liberal minded person such as I cannot just shrug about and think "takes all sorts, I suppose". From Romford. Fucking hell, you complete cesspit.

Prrft, that's nothing, I've slept with three women from Horley, which used to be a crime punishable by death until 1978.