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Salted caramel, pulled pork, sourdough,

Started by touchingcloth, June 08, 2019, 10:42:45 PM

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Captain Crunch

Place near me still does the 'burger and cheese between two Krispy Kremes' effort.  It's wacky. 

touchingcloth

Pulled pork can be nice, but unless you make it yourself it's invariably sweet as fuck and covered in barbecue sauce for a fake smoky flavour, and they're sticking it in burgers and on top of ice cream sundaes now a days. Grave.

Salted caramel can be nice, but it's become a meaningless marketing word applied to any caramelised sugar with the smallest hint of salt, and they're sticking it in lemon tarts and on top of ice cream sundaes now a days. Grave.

Sourdough is the best of bread, but I don't want a cracker that someone is pretending natural leavening has any relevance to. They make sugar cones out of it and put it on top of ice cream sundaes now a days. Grave.

Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth


Danger Man

Quote from: touchingcloth on June 09, 2019, 02:32:13 PM
Sourdough is the best of bread

Correct. Now we can move on to a more important question.  Garlic bread????

seepage

the only garlic bread I've enjoyed was from Domino's, shaped like a pizza. Rubbish actual pizzas though - the "thin crust" was what looked like matzo bread.

seepage

Quote from: pancreas on June 09, 2019, 01:38:02 PM
brioche is the opposite of dry, because it's full of fucking butter. Since there is no piece of food unimproved by butter, it is doubly superior to a 'white bap'.

when I was twice the man I am today, I'd have two croissant hotdogs for breakfast, slathered in an additional 5 pats of butter.

pancreas

Yes, brie-fetish excepting, you clearly understand what it means to live.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Queens of the Stone Age consider raunchier rewrite.

ProvanFan

Muddled kettle chips in a sweet potato mug

Cloud

I like salted caramel.  But yeah the meme of "salted caramel all the things"... let's be honest it's rather effective as marketing goes, as it gets people curious.  I've even had salted caramel sausages!  Why?  Because I said "what the actual fuck?  Does everything need a salted caramel version?  But now I'm curious.."  and bought them, feeding into the system and becoming Part of the Problem.

They were shit by the way, they just tasted like normal sausages, there was no sign of salt or caramel whatsoever.

mothman

Brioche Buns are indeed graveworthy. Instead I commend to the house the Portuguese Roll, truly the best burger-envelope yet discovered.

Endicott

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on June 09, 2019, 02:27:33 PM
I was in the pub a while back and the burger special was a burger in a hot cross bun. dirty bastards.

Was this at Easter, by any chance?

Emma Raducanu

Pulled pork is hardly hip anymore. It's all frangipane scones and fermented butter up here usually served on top of a waffle.

touchingcloth

Quote from: mothman on June 09, 2019, 06:13:58 PM
Brioche Buns are indeed graveworthy. Instead I commend to the house the Portuguese Roll, truly the best burger-envelope yet discovered.

The little tear-shaped ones? Papo secos, they can them, and they're fucking fantastic. Shit for making burgers if you wait any more than about 18 hours after they were baked. Talk about dry! Second only to pitas for terrible shelf life.

They do a lot of leitão here, which traditionally is a suckling pig roasted slowly in a bread oven after the day's baking is done. It falls apart at the slightest touch, and it's seasoned with not but salt, garlic and lard. Pulled pork can get to fuck.

Bunch of fucking philistines.

If mook was around he'd tell you what's what.

mothman

Quote from: touchingcloth on June 09, 2019, 07:06:25 PM
The little tear-shaped ones? Papo secos, they can them, and they're fucking fantastic. Shit for making burgers if you wait any more than about 18 hours after they were baked. Talk about dry! Second only to pitas for terrible shelf life.

They do a lot of leitão here, which traditionally is a suckling pig roasted slowly in a bread oven after the day's baking is done. It falls apart at the slightest touch, and it's seasoned with not but salt, garlic and lard. Pulled pork can get to fuck.

Yeah, they're only good fresh but then if you're not having them immediately then you might as well just make do with a sesame-seeded burger bun or - though it imperil your mortal soul - a brioche.

YIou say little... how small are they in Portugal? Because the variant I'm familiar with is found in Jersey (which has a sizeable Portuguese population for some reason), and is quite large.

Can't you pop your stale buns i nthe oven for a bit to reactive the yeast?

Stoneage Dinosaurs

I'm just waiting for the time that it becomes sort of ironically hipster cool to just deep fry everything. Those will be the days when modern culture becomes OK.

Dex Sawash

Quote from: Delete Delete Delete on June 09, 2019, 08:13:47 PM
Can't you pop your stale buns i nthe oven for a bit to reactive the yeast?

Another CaB masterpiece of euphemism

canadagoose


touchingcloth

Quote from: mothman on June 09, 2019, 07:58:55 PM
Yeah, they're only good fresh but then if you're not having them immediately then you might as well just make do with a sesame-seeded burger bun or - though it imperil your mortal soul - a brioche.

YIou say little... how small are they in Portugal? Because the variant I'm familiar with is found in Jersey (which has a sizeable Portuguese population for some reason), and is quite large.

Maybe seven inches long by four wide. They're about the size of a standard burger buns, just elongated.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Angrew Lloyg Wegger on June 09, 2019, 08:22:44 PM
I'm just waiting for the time that it becomes sort of ironically hipster cool to just deep fry everything. Those will be the days when modern culture becomes OK.

I'm way ahead of the curve. Got a chip pan in the 2010's and the first thing I did was batter some garlic bread and a pie.

mothman

Quote from: touchingcloth on June 09, 2019, 10:05:16 PM
Maybe seven inches long by four wide. They're about the size of a standard burger buns, just elongated.
Yeah, that sounds about right. Wish they were easier to find (or at all) on the mainland...

touchingcloth

Quote from: mothman on June 09, 2019, 10:08:32 PM
Yeah, that sounds about right. Wish they were easier to find (or at all) on the mainland...

I moved to Portugal in no small part due to the scarcity of papi secos on the British mainland.

Jittlebags

Sourdough Baguette. How the fuck are you supposed to eat that unless you have hyena strength jaws ?

Cuellar

Sourdough bread is sort of shit though. Sort of tough and insubstantial at the same time.

Jittlebags

Quote from: Cuellar on June 10, 2019, 10:12:22 AM
Sourdough bread is sort of shit though. Sort of tough and insubstantial at the same time.

The Boris Johnson of Artisan Breads.

holyzombiejesus

Quote from: Nice Relaxing Poo on June 09, 2019, 12:17:44 AM
Yep it is. That damp lumpen shite that has passed for bread for the last 40 years isn't even worth killing ducks with.

There was a heated debate on my local facebook pages about feeding bread to ducks and swans. Lots of people were saying it gave the birds diseases and made them ill. Someone then piped up with some fucking Official Statement On Bread from the Queen's Swan Marker. It was on this horrible ornate background and had fancy swirly writing on it. Everyone stopped saying you shouldn't give bread to ducks after that.

Icehaven

Quote from: Cloud on June 09, 2019, 05:49:05 PM
I've even had salted caramel sausages!  Why?  Because I said "what the actual fuck?  Does everything need a salted caramel version?  But now I'm curious.."  and bought them, feeding into the system and becoming Part of the Problem.

They were shit by the way, they just tasted like normal sausages, there was no sign of salt or caramel whatsoever.

I quite like the idea of writing to the makers to complain that they didn't taste of salt or caramel and their response being along the lines of ''Of course they don't, Salted Caramel is just our brand name. Actual salted caramel sausages would taste disgusting.''

"Katsu" seems to be the next big thing in f4c (food for cunts). It's a misnomer for most products as "katsu" refers to the breaded chicken/pork, not the curry sauce, but it's an easy "brand" to remember, so we're stuck with plain bits of sweet potato in a curry sauce being called "katsu" or bags of spicy coconut flavoured crisps being called "katsu".