Author Topic: The French  (Read 3096 times)

Small Man Big Horse

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The French
« on: June 10, 2019, 07:11:37 PM »
Having been teaching The French how to speak English for the last four months I've come to the following conclusions:

17% of The French are massively sexist idiots.
12% of The French are very, very angry people.
61% of The French are perfectly nice, thank you.
0.5% of The French don't believe the moon landings took place (so just one student as it goes, who I thought was quite smart until then).
12% of The French have lovely breasts.
01% of The French really hate Shakespeare.

What are your opinions about The French?

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: The French
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2019, 07:13:47 PM »
How old are these French?

Quote
12% of The French have lovely breasts.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: The French
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2019, 07:23:09 PM »
One of my aunts is French (hailing from Nice), however she speaks English with quite a strong Welsh accent having moved to Chepstow with my (Welsh) uncle in her very early 20s (she's now approaching 70).  I can't comment on her breasts, although she was an objectively incredibly attractive woman in her youth, alas destroyed by years of heavy chain smoking.

Also you forgot:
96% are heavy chain smokers

Re: The French
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2019, 07:26:23 PM »
They would rather die than live without fags, cheese and/or bread.

They are an interesting people to me, the ones I have met anyway, I think because we arw Britons and as a result are naturally trashy and shit with food and culture and fashion and all that we kind of view the French as rather sophisticated and intimidating, so we mock them.

One or two I have met in my time were genuinely sneering tossers though.

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: The French
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2019, 07:28:28 PM »
Most of their comedy is shit, though.


EDIT - this thread is blatantly xenophobic/racist isn't it?

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: The French
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2019, 07:31:47 PM »
Yes.  But most of us view the Brits as alcoholic pugilists with the manners, cuisine and dress-sense of alcoholic pugilists.  And, of course, now, as people who can't even run a cocktail party in a fucking ballroom.  Also a bit plump.  And racist.

One of my aunts is French (hailing from Nice), however she speaks English with quite a strong Welsh accent having moved to Chepstow with my (Welsh) uncle in her very early 20s (she's now approaching 70).  I can't comment on her breasts, although she was an objectively incredibly attractive woman in her youth, alas destroyed by years of heavy chain smoking.

Also you forgot:
96% are heavy chain smokers

Fucking hell, I think I've met her.  She's not with him any more is she and she's pretty fucking old but extremely uninhibited.  Spent some time in Herefordshire too?

The chain smokers are all dead btw.  I hardly meet anyone that smokes any more.

chveik

  • I will monetize your eyeballs
Re: The French
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2019, 07:33:04 PM »
What are your opinions about The French?

massive cunts

alright cheers

BlodwynPig

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Re: The French
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2019, 07:34:57 PM »
Got a job interview for France tomorrow morning. Shall I mention all this?

Re: The French
« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2019, 07:36:59 PM »
Crossaints & Serge Gainsbourg, yes. All that frigging cheese, I'm out.

the science eel

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Re: The French
« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2019, 07:37:14 PM »
I like 'em. Never taught them, like.

now the GERMANS...

chveik

  • I will monetize your eyeballs
Re: The French
« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2019, 07:37:23 PM »
Got a job interview for France tomorrow morning. Shall I mention all this?

pie baguette and a pint?

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: The French
« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2019, 07:38:37 PM »
Got a job interview for France tomorrow morning. Shall I mention all this?

Just make sure you rub your teeth with raw garlic just before going in and kiss each one of the panel three times on the lips and once on the arse when you're introducing yourself and again, when you leave.  You're a shoo-in.

Re: The French
« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2019, 07:41:23 PM »
Got a job interview for France tomorrow morning. Shall I mention all this?

Fuckin ell, is the current France retiring or moving upstairs?

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: The French
« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2019, 07:47:14 PM »
My dad loved France.  He'd have loved to have moved there in retirement.  The fact that he loved cheese and wine was a happy coincidence.

We holidayed there every year for about fifteen years, and I remember one time in particular when we were staying in the Dordogne (at that time one of the few places in France that welcomed Brits with open arms).  Dad was a-bit-more-than-conversational-but-not-quite-fluent in the lingo and we were in one of their enormo-markets with the live crabs and lobsters making a slow but pointless bid for escape, and dad was looking for the red wine -all we could find was white.  And he said summat in French to this portly chap who had several bottles of red in his trolley, and what I heard was
"Rouge.  Vin rouge?"
"Huh?"
"Rouge."
"Huh?"
"Vin rouge" (dad points at one of the bottles of red in portly man's trolley)
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH, HHHHHHHCCCCCCHHHHRRRRRRROOOOOOOOUGE!!!!!"

Evidently there was a particular way to say red in French in the Dordogne.

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: The French
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2019, 07:47:51 PM »
It's over the whole of France actually.

Fuckin ell, is the current France retiring or moving upstairs?

Preggers.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: The French
« Reply #15 on: June 10, 2019, 07:48:38 PM »
How old are these French?

They're mostly in their sixties.

Got a job interview for France tomorrow morning. Shall I mention all this?

You won't get the job if you don't.

Twed

  • What, prick? That's my child. My Johnson's child
Re: The French
« Reply #16 on: June 10, 2019, 07:50:36 PM »
Got a job interview for France tomorrow morning. Shall I mention all this?
I think there already is a France so you might be wasting your time. Also have you thought about the work/life balance issues of getting a job as an entire country?

Re: The French
« Reply #17 on: June 10, 2019, 07:54:44 PM »
You also missed out:

49% have their pockets filled with bangers and flick-knives

Shit Good Nose

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Re: The French
« Reply #18 on: June 10, 2019, 07:57:33 PM »
Also 100% are shoplifters until the age of about 23.

wosl

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Re: The French
« Reply #19 on: June 10, 2019, 08:03:36 PM »
A great bunch, back in the day when the front line knew how to crouch properly for a team photo.  Oi, Six, GET DOWN




BlodwynPig

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Re: The French
« Reply #20 on: June 10, 2019, 08:05:23 PM »
I think there already is a France so you might be wasting your time. Also have you thought about the work/life balance issues of getting a job as an entire country?

Gordon Blue!

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: The French
« Reply #21 on: June 10, 2019, 08:07:31 PM »
A great bunch, back in the day when the front line knew how to crouch properly for a team photo.  Oi, Six, GET DOWN



Quote
In the 1986 World Cup he scored a goal with a 27-meter shot against France in a 1–1 draw in the first round: a headed clearance by France was picked up by Ihor Belanov and laid off to (Vasyl) Rats, who on the first touch, struck the ball powerfully from several yards outside the area past French goalkeeper Joël Bats and into the top left corner of the net.

Alberon

  • His heart is an empty fridge
Re: The French
« Reply #22 on: June 10, 2019, 08:12:51 PM »
What percentage wear berets, stripey tops and onions around their neck while riding around on bicycles?

What percentage are Sacha Distel?

What percentage have outrageous accents?

Twit 2

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Re: The French
« Reply #23 on: June 10, 2019, 08:23:25 PM »
Taught English to a petulant French teenager whose opening gambit was to say they’d just watched The Tree of Life and hated it. This was in the height of my Malick fandom. I’m still seething.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: The French
« Reply #24 on: June 10, 2019, 08:35:21 PM »
They don't like it up em.

mothman

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Re: The French
« Reply #25 on: June 10, 2019, 08:40:29 PM »
[tag]Now, let me tell y'all about the Negro...[/tag]

Brundle-Fly

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Re: The French
« Reply #26 on: June 10, 2019, 09:27:01 PM »
My other half is from the South Of France, a village near Nice. Very fiery, opinionated, vain, green-eyed, knows everything about everything. Conversations with her sometimes feel like a row. It's that hot Mediterranean blood coursing through her veins.  She says I wouldn't last a minute there. Thinks British food is mostly rank especially the bread and cakes, hates carpets, windows, over-familiar newsreaders, pebbly beaches, the crappy weather, the NHS and GP are, of course, not nearly as good as in France, most British girls are tarty, and calls British blokes, 'roast beef' or 'really skinny'!?. However, she says people are better drivers in the UK, less judgemental and loves old British TV shows and our comedy: Father Ted, OFITG are her favourites. She likes our range of savoury snacks but doesn't understand how Brits eat crisps as part of their lunch. She is a great cook, DIY expert, sexy, thoughtful, loyal and looks fifteen years younger than her age because she always moisturizes so some people think she is my daughter. Has spectacular breasts.

king_tubby

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Re: The French
« Reply #27 on: June 10, 2019, 09:30:24 PM »
They're all French by the time I'm finished with them.

Re: The French
« Reply #28 on: June 10, 2019, 09:38:31 PM »
Britain is superior to France in every conceivable way apart from red wine and outdoor group gangbangs.

Re: The French
« Reply #29 on: June 10, 2019, 10:04:57 PM »
Their war flags are a bit on the plain side.