Author Topic: Do ghosts watch you wank?  (Read 922 times)

Mr_Simnock

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Do ghosts watch you wank?
« on: June 10, 2019, 11:35:51 PM »
Well do they? Think about it if spirits are real and around us do some watch us wank? When I'm cranking one out over a tubby blonde milf do I have a dead relative floating next to me unseen and tutting away?

Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2019, 11:36:17 PM »
of course they fucking do

St_Eddie

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2019, 11:46:17 PM »
*obligatory joke about ectoplasm being found all over the keyboard, post-wank*

Johnny Yesno

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2019, 11:53:35 PM »
They like looking at erections - they have a bit of a horn ting.

Sherringford Hovis

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2019, 11:55:12 PM »
Some blokes have big cocks.

Some blokes have small cocks.

My cock's a medium; ergo, ghosts.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #5 on: June 11, 2019, 12:44:39 AM »
Ghosts don't exist in the present, they are just echoes from periods of previous trauma.

That's why you see the ghost of the tea that your mum has put beside your bed while you were wanking.

imitationleather

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #6 on: June 11, 2019, 01:26:53 AM »
My cats most certainly do. Are they ghosts, or should I be in prison?

Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #7 on: June 11, 2019, 03:31:15 AM »
Had a Jesusified book for the newly pubescent a few years back that told readers not to wank in case Jesus turned up in their room. Like some horrific Christian take on Aladdin's lamp.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #8 on: June 11, 2019, 06:03:07 AM »
Had a Jesusified book for the newly pubescent a few years back that told readers not to wank in case Jesus turned up in their room. Like some horrific Christian take on Aladdin's lamp.

If Jesus showed up in your room, you'd have to brazen it out, wouldn't you ? Say " Coo, talk about a second coming! ", something like that.

Buelligan

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2019, 06:11:09 AM »
He's seen it all before anyway.  Hardest job in the world.

He'd probably do a Paul Hogan.

Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #10 on: June 11, 2019, 07:49:44 AM »
Think about this a LOT. Can Nan see me now, rubber glove, nipple bunting, cricket bat up my arse, cumming into a mug?

Paul Calf

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #11 on: June 11, 2019, 07:54:28 AM »
Ghosts are not real.

Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #12 on: June 11, 2019, 07:54:46 AM »
Ghosts are individuals. Some watch, some avert their spectral eyes.

non capisco

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #13 on: June 11, 2019, 08:05:28 AM »
Some poltergeists do it for you!!!!

kittens

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2019, 08:07:40 AM »
Ghosts are not real.

extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence, calf. prove ghosts aren't real.

biggytitbo

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2019, 08:16:18 AM »
My cats most certainly do. Are they ghosts, or should I be in prison?


Yes you should, letting your cats watch is a form of bestiality.

Paul Calf

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2019, 08:24:14 AM »
extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence, calf. prove ghosts aren't real.

I asked everyone here in this room 'Are you a ghost?' and they all said 'no'.

Anagram of a Shit Name

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #17 on: June 11, 2019, 08:25:53 AM »
They're all ghosts by the time....etc

seepage

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #18 on: June 11, 2019, 08:27:00 AM »
it's not ghosts, it's the Baby Jesus

Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #19 on: June 11, 2019, 09:03:09 AM »
When I was a foul horny teenager, when everything was permitted, all flesh was go, and any time I found myself alone in a house it was decreed that I get straight down to it - and by that, I mean "wanking" - I once made a ghost get so digusted with me that it slammed a door as it left the house. I was watching some ultra soft core fighting fantasy shit, it might have been Beastmaster 3, which I don't think even has any beasts in it, only sex witches that stay properly fully clothed whilst lezzing each other up with their eyes doing dirty spells. Anyway, I was in full stampede, frustratedly chasing a boob shot that would never arrive, when the TV suddenly switched itself off and the living room door slammed shut. I clearly felt a presence leave the house and my life, and great waves of shame and sorrow avalanched me (after I finished). Nothing new there then, laffo.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #20 on: June 11, 2019, 12:33:04 PM »
Get a grip

Twed

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #21 on: June 11, 2019, 12:35:44 PM »
When I was a foul horny teenager, when everything was permitted, all flesh was go, and any time I found myself alone in a house it was decreed that I get straight down to it - and by that, I mean "wanking" - I once made a ghost get so digusted with me that it slammed a door as it left the house. I was watching some ultra soft core fighting fantasy shit, it might have been Beastmaster 3, which I don't think even has any beasts in it, only sex witches that stay properly fully clothed whilst lezzing each other up with their eyes doing dirty spells. Anyway, I was in full stampede, frustratedly chasing a boob shot that would never arrive, when the TV suddenly switched itself off and the living room door slammed shut. I clearly felt a presence leave the house and my life, and great waves of shame and sorrow avalanched me (after I finished). Nothing new there then, laffo.
A ghost told me you lubed up a carrot with Lurpak and tweaked your nipples off to See It Saw It

Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #22 on: June 11, 2019, 12:44:07 PM »

dr_christian_troy

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #23 on: June 11, 2019, 12:46:25 PM »
It would certainly make an episode of Most Haunted more interesting - Derek Acorah sitting in a darkened room while we watch him exorcise some spectral spunk (poltergush?) out of his haunted lance in night vision, making those weird orgasm noises he makes when he gets off on knowing he's conning millions of people all in one go.

pancreas

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #24 on: June 11, 2019, 12:48:17 PM »
cricket bat up my arse

This is good protection against predatory bum ghasts, in addition to providing a delightful extra layer of pleasure. One must just make extra sure not to fall over or sit down.

Dex Sawash

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #25 on: June 11, 2019, 12:50:47 PM »
My cats most certainly do. Are they ghosts, or should I be in prison?

That's why you get them de-clawed

dr_christian_troy

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #26 on: June 11, 2019, 12:53:17 PM »
My cats most certainly do. Are they ghosts, or should I be in prison?

Only if you're rubbing catnip on your lad.

Mister Six

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #27 on: June 11, 2019, 01:42:18 PM »
Ghosts are individuals. Some watch, some avert their spectral eyes.

Some close their eyes or put their hands in front of their faces, but because they're ghosts their eyelids and limbs are transparent and they can see everything. That's how they get around it, the dirty dead bastards.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #28 on: June 11, 2019, 01:51:02 PM »
I genuinely have a friend who doesn't enjoy sex because she's worried that the ghosts of her relatives may be watching her. She's an acclaimed therapist too, so naturally I've just pm'd her details to Dr Rock.

Re: Do ghosts watch you wank?
« Reply #29 on: June 11, 2019, 03:32:13 PM »
Sometimes I pull a white sheet with two eye holes over my head and watch people masturbate from a corner.

I would occasionally drop small objects on the floor, making them go "What was that?", before continuing to masturbate.