Do ghosts watch you wank?

[Mr_Simnock]

Well do they? Think about it if spirits are real and around us do some watch us wank? When I'm cranking one out over a tubby blonde milf do I have a dead relative floating next to me unseen and tutting away?

[Monsieur Verdoux]

of course they fucking do

[St_Eddie]

*obligatory joke about ectoplasm being found all over the keyboard, post-wank*

[Johnny Yesno]

They like looking at erections - they have a bit of a horn ting.

[Sherringford Hovis]

Some blokes have big cocks.

Some blokes have small cocks.

My cock's a medium; ergo, ghosts.

[BlodwynPig]

Ghosts don't exist in the present, they are just echoes from periods of previous trauma.

That's why you see the ghost of the tea that your mum has put beside your bed while you were wanking.

[imitationleather]

My cats most certainly do. Are they ghosts, or should I be in prison?

[EbbyVale]

Had a Jesusified book for the newly pubescent a few years back that told readers not to wank in case Jesus turned up in their room. Like some horrific Christian take on Aladdin's lamp.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Had a Jesusified book for the newly pubescent a few years back that told readers not to wank in case Jesus turned up in their room. Like some horrific Christian take on Aladdin's lamp.

If Jesus showed up in your room, you'd have to brazen it out, wouldn't you ? Say " Coo, talk about a second coming! ", something like that.

[Buelligan]

He's seen it all before anyway.  Hardest job in the world.

He'd probably do a Paul Hogan.

[poo]

Think about this a LOT. Can Nan see me now, rubber glove, nipple bunting, cricket bat up my arse, cumming into a mug?

[Paul Calf]

Ghosts are not real.

[Camp Tramp]

Ghosts are individuals. Some watch, some avert their spectral eyes.

[non capisco]

Some poltergeists do it for you!!!!

[kittens]

Ghosts are not real.

extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence, calf. prove ghosts aren't real.

[biggytitbo]

My cats most certainly do. Are they ghosts, or should I be in prison?

Yes you should, letting your cats watch is a form of bestiality.

[Paul Calf]

extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence, calf. prove ghosts aren't real.

I asked everyone here in this room 'Are you a ghost?' and they all said 'no'.

[Anagram of a Shit Name]

They're all ghosts by the time....etc

[seepage]

it's not ghosts, it's the Baby Jesus

[Gregory Torso]

When I was a foul horny teenager, when everything was permitted, all flesh was go, and any time I found myself alone in a house it was decreed that I get straight down to it - and by that, I mean "wanking" - I once made a ghost get so digusted with me that it slammed a door as it left the house. I was watching some ultra soft core fighting fantasy shit, it might have been Beastmaster 3, which I don't think even has any beasts in it, only sex witches that stay properly fully clothed whilst lezzing each other up with their eyes doing dirty spells. Anyway, I was in full stampede, frustratedly chasing a boob shot that would never arrive, when the TV suddenly switched itself off and the living room door slammed shut. I clearly felt a presence leave the house and my life, and great waves of shame and sorrow avalanched me (after I finished). Nothing new there then, laffo.

[BlodwynPig]

Get a grip

[Twed]

When I was a foul horny teenager, when everything was permitted, all flesh was go, and any time I found myself alone in a house it was decreed that I get straight down to it - and by that, I mean "wanking" - I once made a ghost get so digusted with me that it slammed a door as it left the house. I was watching some ultra soft core fighting fantasy shit, it might have been Beastmaster 3, which I don't think even has any beasts in it, only sex witches that stay properly fully clothed whilst lezzing each other up with their eyes doing dirty spells. Anyway, I was in full stampede, frustratedly chasing a boob shot that would never arrive, when the TV suddenly switched itself off and the living room door slammed shut. I clearly felt a presence leave the house and my life, and great waves of shame and sorrow avalanched me (after I finished). Nothing new there then, laffo.

A ghost told me you lubed up a carrot with Lurpak and tweaked your nipples off to See It Saw It

[Gregory Torso]

Get a grip

Never

[dr_christian_troy]

It would certainly make an episode of Most Haunted more interesting - Derek Acorah sitting in a darkened room while we watch him exorcise some spectral spunk (poltergush?) out of his haunted lance in night vision, making those weird orgasm noises he makes when he gets off on knowing he's conning millions of people all in one go.

[pancreas]

cricket bat up my arse

This is good protection against predatory bum ghasts, in addition to providing a delightful extra layer of pleasure. One must just make extra sure not to fall over or sit down.

[Dex Sawash]

My cats most certainly do. Are they ghosts, or should I be in prison?

That's why you get them de-clawed

[dr_christian_troy]

My cats most certainly do. Are they ghosts, or should I be in prison?

Only if you're rubbing catnip on your lad.

[Mister Six]

Ghosts are individuals. Some watch, some avert their spectral eyes.

Some close their eyes or put their hands in front of their faces, but because they're ghosts their eyelids and limbs are transparent and they can see everything. That's how they get around it, the dirty dead bastards.

[Small Man Big Horse]

I genuinely have a friend who doesn't enjoy sex because she's worried that the ghosts of her relatives may be watching her. She's an acclaimed therapist too, so naturally I've just pm'd her details to Dr Rock.

[New folder]

Sometimes I pull a white sheet with two eye holes over my head and watch people masturbate from a corner.

I would occasionally drop small objects on the floor, making them go "What was that?", before continuing to masturbate.