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Honest Father's Day cards

Started by Pingers, June 11, 2019, 09:25:27 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Pingers

Dear Dad, thanks for keeping us out of poverty and for not hitting me.

imitationleather


Gregory Torso

Dear Dad,

Thanks for not getting angry that time my younger brother asked me to draw a picture of ALF the puppet alien and I did, but I drew the Alf with an enormous floppy cock coming out of his fur and he was looking at it saying "what the heck is THAT?" as some children cried in the background. Thanks for laughing at that.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Dear Dad, you're a cunt, fuck off.

Danger Man

Dear Dad

Thanks for dropping dead and letting me have enough money to go back to university. Thanks, ta

Your son (though some think I should get a DNA test)

ASFTSN

Dear Dad

Mental health issues do exist and it's not just something wimpy people moan about. Your best mate killed himself because of it. If you can think of another reason why he jumped off the end of the pier I'd love to hear it.

Have a great day.

x

ASFTSN

"Bruce Springsteen's a bit shit."

kittens


paruses

Dad,

Do you know where the charger for the drill is? We should talk more.

x

Cuellar


ASFTSN

Dear "Dad"

I think you are a doppelganger and my real Dad replaced you about 10 years ago. Please just tell me where the body is so I can give it a proper funeral.

Love

#1 son

Lost Oliver

Christ this got a bit bleak. Started writing an open letter to him but stopped because it a bit too earnest.

Icehaven

If some of the real Father's Day cards I've seen in actual shops are anything to go by, some people have really odd relationships with their fathers. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY YOU BIG with a picture of a cockerel underneath was a particular highlight, I mean wtf?!

Butchers Blind

Dear Dad,
Here's a card with a picture of someone playing golf on the front.
You've never played golf.

Happy Father's Day.

Beagle 2

Dear Dad, when I told you I had been offered a job you replied with a text signposting me to a special offer on petrol lawnmowers at Toolstation and asked me if the place I would be working had a lawn. This isn't normal.

ASFTSN

"I started writing this card but you can finish it since you know best fucks sake "

Mr Banlon


MidnightShambler

Dear Dad

Thanks for hiding all your 1970s porn mags in the false ceiling of the wardrobe you built for me in my childhood bedroom. Finding them was a weird day but one that helped me in the future I'm sure, if I ever meet a Mary Millington lookalike i'll Know exactly how to treat her.

Also, I'm sorry about telling mum about them after you pissed me off a few weeks later. I know that caused a bit of trouble but you went up in my estimation as a result, your quick thinking excuse of 'keeping them for Arthur, he found them when he was out jogging' was more than creditable, given the door stepping nature of the furious question.

Anyway, I know you're A bit of a selfish cunt  and you've never been one for gestures, of any sort at all, but the more your health deteriorates the more real the prospect of you leaving us is becoming and it's horrible. So try and hang around a little bit longer please.

Love you

Dex Sawash

Please stay dead, Dad.
Don't make it awkward.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Dear Dad

Could you stop whistling all the time please? It really gets on my tits, especially when it's Living Doll by Cliff Richard, which is about 75% of the time.

dr_christian_troy

Dear Dad,

Do you remember that time I was concerned you had Alzheimer's?

Oh.





True story: I was genuinely concerned at one point because he didn't remember anything I had spoken to him about for some time, and he is in his 70s. When I got upset and spoke to him about it, his response was "It's not that I don't remember what you say, it's just that I don't listen to you."

bgmnts

Dear biological father,

I have never met you and nor do I wish to. Get cancer soon.

Cheers,
bastard forgotten offspring

shiftwork2

Mine carked it 32 years ago and not a single day goes by when I don't think of the saved fivers.

Twit 2


Gregory Torso

Dear Dad

Remember that time me and my brother were watching NIghtmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors and he wouldn't stop eating pistacchio nuts so I punched him in the neck and then his forehead swelled up from lack of oxygen like a Star Treck alien, but you covered for me at the hospital so I wouldn't be sent down to the bitch house.
Thanks. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry you lost custody.

dr_christian_troy

Dear Dad,

Do you remember laughing when I used to get upset?

Thanks.

Blue Jam

Dear Dad,

Two pints of semi-skimmed and one of gold top for next week please.

Blue Jam

Dear Dad,

So sorry to hear about your dog.

All my love,

Ken xxx

Pingers

Quote from: Blue Jam on June 11, 2019, 06:00:13 PM
Dear Dad,

So sorry to hear about your dog.

All my love,

Ken xxx

Bravo!

Gregory Torso

Dear dad

Thanks for the shit genes. Now I look like a twat. THANKS.