A comedy record. Barry Admin move thread to Comedy Chat immediately
This song was recorded with an audience, but none of the lyrics online include their reactions, so I've helpfully transcribed them.
now here's a little story,
[LAUGHTER]
to tell it is a must
[LAUGHTER]
about an unsung hero,
that
[LAUGHTER]
mooooves away your dust.
some people make a fortune,
ooothers, earn a mint
[MILD LAUGHTER]
my old man don't earn much,
in fact, he's flippin'...
[ONE WOMAN SCREAMS IN ECSTASY]
skint.
ohh, my old man's a dustman
he wears a dustman's hat
he wears gorblimey trousers
and he lives in a council flat
he looks a proper 'nana
in his great big hobnail boots
he's got such a job to pull them up
that he calls 'em daisy roots
[LAUGHTER]
some folks give tips at Christmas
and some of them forget
[BIG LAUGH FROM ONE GUY, AS IF TO GO, YEAH! I DO FORGET TO TIP THE DUSTMAN ON CHRISTMAS. THAT'S ME. I'VE BEEN SEEN]
so when he picks their bins up,
he spills some on the step
now one old man got nasty
and to the council wrote
next time my old man went round there
he punched him up the throat. HEY!
[NOT REALLY ANY LAUGH THERE. JUST A BIT MUCH. PURE VIOLENCE]
ohh, my old man's a dustman
he wears a dustman's hat
he wears gorblimey trousers
and he lives in a council flat
I say, I say, Les
yes?
I, er, I found a police dog in my dustbin
well, how do you know he's a police dog?
he had a policeman with him
[BIG LAUGH. AUDIENCE REALLY CAUGHT UNAWARES BY THAT ONE]
though my old man's a dustman
he's got an 'eart of gold
he got married recently
though he's 86 years old
we said, 'ere, hang on, dad
you're getting past your prime
he said, well, when you get my age
it helps to pass the time. OI!
[LAUGHTER]
my old man's a dustman
he wears a dustman's hat
he wears gorblimey trousers
and he lives in a council flat
I say, I say, I say!
huh?
my dustbin's full of lilies
well throw 'em away then!
I can't – Lily's wearing them
[BIG LAUGH. RECORDING JUMPS A BIT HERE, AS IF THE LAUGHTER WAS INTENSE ENOUGH THAT THEY HAD TO EDIT IT SHORT]
now one day whilst in a hurry
he missed a lady's bin
he hadn't gone but a few yards
when she chased after him
what game do you think you're playing?
she cried right from the 'eart
you've missed me, am I too late?
nooo, jump up on the cart! OI!
[HUGE FUCKIN LAUGH]
my old man's a dustman
he wears a dustman's hat
he wears gorblimey trousers
and he lives in a council flat
I say! I say. I say.
not you again!
my dustbin's absolutely full with toadstools
how do you know it's full?
'cause there's not mushROOM INSIDE!
[BIG LAUGH]
he found a tiger's head one day
nailed to a piece of wood
the tiger looked quite miserable
but I suppose he should
just then from out a window
a voice began to wail
it said, OI! Where's me tiger's head?
four foot from his tail! HEY!
[NOBODY LAUGHS AT THIS, PRESUMABLY BECAUSE: WHAT THE FUCK]
ohh, my old man's a dustman
he wears a dustman's hat
he wears gorblimey trousers
and he lives in a council flat
next time you see a dustman
lookin' all pale and sad
don't kick him in the dustbin
it might be my, old, DAAAAAAAAAD
[APPLAUSE]